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SIDNEY ANECDOTES: 



SELECTED FROM HISTORY, 



Ancient and M 



I R AlTHL's 



CHARLES AND AMBROSE SIDNEY 



OF GLASTONIU RY. 



l.OSDOX: 



W. J. SEARS, WARWICK SQUARE, PATERNOSTER ROW. 

1830. 









IV SB ARM, i'!i INTER, II, BUDUK BOW, IVALJ1ROUK 



/(fit 

lEfeturatum. 



TO A BROTHER, 

WHOSE BENEVOLENT DISPOSITION. 

AND EXEMPLARY LIFE, 

EXHIBITS THE BENEFICIAL EFFECTS OF 

CHRISTIANITY 

ON THE HEART AND CONDI I 

BY HIS AFFECTIONATE BROTHERS, 







April 1, 1830. 



DEDICATION. 



TO ALL, 

Who, piously inclinM, with Bob the Poet, 
Will pray as Fools, and fairly own they know it ; 
" O that ane the gift wouM gi'e u>. 
To see ourseVs as ithers see us, 
It wouM frae mony a hlunder free us, 

An' foolish notion : 
And mony a daft like thing wouM lea'e us — 
E'en in devotion." 






Ssfonts amcuottg* 



ANECDOTES OF FOLLY. 



It is curious to observe the triumph of slight incident* over 
the mind, and what incredible weight they have in forming and 
governing our opinions both of men and things, — that " trifles 
light as air," shall waft a belief into the soul, and plant it so 
immoveable within it, that Euclid's demonstrations, could they 
be brought to batter it in breach, should not all have power 
to overthrow it. 

" De gustibus non est disjtutandum." 



PREFATORY OBSERVATIONS ON THE FOLLIES 
OF MANKIND. 

Most men are wise in their own conceit, — ergo, they 
are fools : but there are as many degrees in folly, as 
there are varieties in disposition. Some are born natu- 

VOL. I. b 



a SIDNBY ANKCDOTES. 

ral fools, others arc made fools of, and many more 
fools .of themselves. We have natural fools of 
rank, and many, possessed of property, who will lagely 
tell us, that " If they he fools, their money a'n't." 

We have others, in the lower grade of society, who 
never were capable of stringing a couple of ideas toge- 
ther, nor of keeping a shilling in their pockets. Some 
are made fools of by others, being exposed in the naked 
deformity of their minds, both in their conversation 
and behaviour, or, if they have the temerity tc venture 
to commit their crude ideas to paper, our good friends, 
the reviewers, kindly endeavour to make them appear 
as foolish as possible. Many more make fools of 
themselves, by endeavouring to enact a part in the 
drama of life, for which they are neither fitted by- 
nature, habit, nor education ; thus, when we perceive a 
man of Lilliputian stature, insult and strike a man who 
could put him in his pocket ; or a man, or woman, 
with splay feet, or bandy legs, setting themselves to 
teach the graces, as rivals to d'Egville or Vestris— or, 
one who has been bred in the midst of rudeness and 
vulgarity, trying to put on the manners of the gentle- 
man, and making a ridiculous blunder at his every 
attempt at politeness, — or, one, who has had but little 
education, and but little improved that little, presu- 
ming to open his mouth on a subject he knows nothing 



PREFATORY OBSERVATIONS. 3 

of, and seemingly never will ; or, one who has got a 
few ideas jumbled together, whether innate or not, he 
knows not, nor cares from whence they arise, but 
having learnt a little of the " Manual Exercise" of 
penmanship, endeavouring to illuminate the world, 
without being able to join two sentences together 
grammatically, or even to spell correctly his own 
mother tongue : neither of these seem to have occasion 
to use Holy Willie's prayer, — " Lord bless us with a 
good conceit of ourselves." Each can see his neigh- 
bour's folly, but his self-conceit prevents his looking 
inwardly, and perceiving his own foibles. 

The great, and the reputed wise, sometimes are 
guilty of acts of folly, which are the more conspicuous 
from the high station they fill in society. We have 
heard of a statesman Acting the part of a buffoon, and 
endeavouring to flatter and amuse his master when 
called to consult upon an affair of vital importance to 
his country; and of some few who have betrayed 
the trust reposed in them ; but these latter deserve a 
stronger epithet than that of fools. 

Some have undertaken offices in the state, for which 
they were never qualified, and have made their sove- 
reign look like a fool in the eyes of other persons, who 
smiled at the foolish choice of the one, and the foolish 
conduct of the other, of whom they made an easy dupe ; 



4 KIDNBT ANECDOTLs. 

and we have known some, who have lost good places 
through a foolish attachment to a party, who cared 
not so much for their countiy or their king, as for them- 
selves and their friends ; who foolishly thought they 
had a weak man to deal with, who would be alarmed 
at their desertion of him, and of their country, in a 
trying and important period. In this they soon found 
they had acted neither wisely nor patriotically, for 
they looked very silly when they found that their 
master could, and would, dispense with their services ; 
having to their astonishment discovered, that there 
really were a few remaining talents* which he could 
employ in their stead. They cast a longing, lingering 
look behind, but were not allowed again to taste the 
fruit they had slighted ; their folly now became con- 
spicuous even to themselves, but conviction and repent- 
ance came too late, and they withdrew from the public 
gaze, regretting their folly, and without the respect or 
regret of their countrymen, whose cause they had for- 
saken. 

Wolsey was conceited, and haughty, and imperious, 
lording it over both king and country, church and 
state. J lis master had Btrong and ungovernable pas- 
sions, and the cardinal flattered and encouraged him in 
their gratification too rnucli, and too long, even to be 
regarded by his prince, as a friend either to his person 



PREFATORY OBSERVATIONS. 5 

or his government, for he was deprived of all his dignity 
and authority by him who had been the source of his 
almost regal influence and splendour, and reduced to 
a very low state of degradation and penury, — proving 
that " the friendships of the world are often confede- 
racies in vice, or leagues of pleasure," — and that such 
have not " sincerest virtue for their basis," for " such 
a friendship ends not but with life." He saw, and re- 
gretted, the folly of ambition, and of the means he used 
to gratify his own pride, and with a doubtful repent- 
ance exclaimed — " Had I served my God as faithfully 
as I have served my king, he would not have cast me 
off thus." A grand lesson this, in the page of history, 
for ambitious and unprincipled statesmen ! 

" Men may live fools, but fools they cannot die !" 

so saith a good poet, who had studied manking, morally 
and politically. 

The follies of kings and governors are also on record 
in the page of history, serving as a beacon to warn the 
powers that be. Every head destined to wear a crown, 
is not favoured with the wisdom of Solon. Some 
are wise in council, yet foolish in action, like one of 
our witty monarchs, — 

b2 



6 MONEY ANEl'lMil i 

M Who never said a, foolish thing, 
Nor ever i/i</ a wt*« one." 

Others are ambitious of the glory of conquest, like 
Alexander, who whined like a foolish child, because 
be could find no more enemies to combat with, nor 
countries to overrun ; while others, like imperial Nap, 
have lived to be shorn of all their power and influ- 
ence, once approaching to universal dominion. Some 
have been led by the nose by a prime minister, a favour- 
ite, or a coaxing mistress, and others allowed them- 
selves to be priest-ridden, of which we have a modern 
instance, in one making a petticoat for the Virgin 
Mary, who certainly does not now want such a thing, 
although she might have found it useful, and considered 
it a mark of respect, when in this world ; but by this 
folly he thought he would please the priesthood, some of 
whom are not such fools as to attach rny value to his 
extraordinary and womanlike performance. Our own 
Harry the VIII. bore the burthen of one, long enough 
to know his weight to an ounce, but he shook him off 
at last, and left him in the mud, to rise as he could, and 
use his own two legs, or all four, as liked him best. 
It is not now customary, nor perhapf . ry, for 

and princes to have one about the court, yclept 
the king's jester or fool ; perhaps they could not now 



1 



FREFATORlf OBSERVATIONS. 7 

relish the good things often spoken hy those foolish 
wise men, who sometimes dared to tell them a bit of 
truth, which a fawning courtier would have been afraid 
of mentioning ; or, there are now so many witlings 
about the courts, that the wise or amusing sayings of 
a hired fool would be lost in the blaze of wit of our 
modern courtiers; but we would venture a bit of advice 
to a prince inclined to economy, that it would be a 
saving to him, and perhaps to his country, were he to 
retain only one fool in his service, and to recollect 
what one, who was wiser than most of his own, or the 
present day, said — " A companion of fools shall be 
destroyed, but in the multitude of counsellors, (t. e. 
wise men, able to advise, and honest,) there is 
safety." 

Even the wisest of our philosophers, statesmen, war- 
riors, legislators, lawyers, moralists, and divines, have, 
and have /tad, their follies, foibles, hobbies, and whim- 
whams. " Have not the wisest of men in all ages, not 
excepting Solomon himself, have they not had their 
hobby horses ? their running horses, their coins, 
and their cockle shells, their drums and their trumpets, 
their fiddles, their pallets, their maggots, and their 
butterflies ? And so long as a man rides his hobby 
horse peaceably and quietly along the king's high- 
way, and neither compels you nor me to get up behind 



b SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

him, * pray sir, what have either you or I to do with 

it V God speed them, — e'en let them ride on 

without opposition from mc, for, were they unhorsed this 
very night, 'tis ten to one, but that many of them 
would he worse mounted by one half, before to morrow 
morning !" , 

Some time ago there was a foolish wild goose^after 
the philosopher's stone ; some thought they had found 
it, others nearly so,— like a prize in the lottery, the 
next thing to it ; but no one could positively assure 
himself of having caught the prize. Many thought 
they had found out the true theory of the heavens and 
of the earth, until the enlightened and immortal New- 
ton made fools of them all by his conclusive demon- 
strations ! which some are still foolish enough not to 
believe, because they do not comprehend them. Some 
few would-be philosophers there have been foolish 
enough to state there was not such a sensation as .pain, 
although they were subject to hunger, thirst, and dis- 
ease ; while some have gone so far as to deny their own 
existence ! ---while all around them saw them with their 
eyes, and wondered at their folly. We consider this 
the very perfection of folly, which could not go farther 
than to deny the existence of a Supreme Being ! We 
have heard and seen the word atheist applied to such as 
professed not to believe in the existence of an Eternal 



FREFATORY OBSERVATIONS. V 

and Supreme Being ; but we have never met with any 
one fool-hardy enough to avow his disbelief, although 
many give practical evidence of their non-belief. To 
such, the wise king of Israel seems to allude, when he 
says," the fool hath said in his heart, there is no God." 
We may here relate one anecdote, and fact, shewing— 

THE FOLLY OF THOSE WHO PROPAGATE 

INFIDELITY AND ATHEISM, BY THEIR 

CONVERSATION OR PRACTICE; AND 

THE CONSEQUENCE. 

A servant who had wonderfully improved by the 
irreligious and blasphemous conversation he heard, 
while waiting at his master's table, embraced an oppor- 
tunity of robbing his master: being discovered and 
apprehended, he was urged to assign some reason for 
his ingratitude and dishonesty. " Sir," he replied, 
I have so often heard you speak of the impossibility 
of a future state, and that after death there was no 
reward for virtue, or punishment for vice, that I was 
tempted to commit the robbery." "Well," replied 
the master, " but had you no fear of that death which 
the lans of your country inflict on a criminal?" 
" Sir," rejoined the servant, with a stern eye upon his 
master, " What is that to you ? If / had a mind to 



10 SIDNEV ANCCDu I 

venture that, vm had removed my «.ui:vti:^i tear; 
why should I fear the i kss ? This was the effect of 
foolish eonrersotion, before those who require but a 

small stimulus to do evil. 



ALL FOOLS' DAY. 

Till First of April was usually noted in the alma- 
nacks as M All-tools' Day, until about a oenturj 

-till a e ust; un in Britain on this day to send some 
unsuspecting person* on some frivolous errand, sucb 
as to buy a penn'orth of stirrup oil, 01 - milk, 

— Of, tO ask for the History o( Kve's Mother, — or, to 

dm one Irishes to Me them on particular bud 
When they are not wanted. 

In some parts of the north of England, and in 
Seotland, the custom is nearly alike, with this little 
difference, calling the party deceived a Gowk, instead 
oi an April Fool\ GromA being die common name of 

[am ooinimol that the ancient 
I 
iritfa the custom of mal 
Of April. The making of April fools, after all the 



FOLLY. 1 I 

conjectures which have been formed touching its 
origin, is certainly borrowed from the French, and 
may, I think, be deduced from this simple analogy. 
The French call them April fish (poissons d'Avril), 
i. e. Simpletons, or, in other words, silly mackarel, 
who suffer themselves to be caught in this month. 
But as, with us, April is not the season of that fish, 
we have very properly substituted the word Fools. A 
similar day of foollcry is kept among the Hindoos, 
attended with the like species of witticism practised 
here on the first of April. n 

In Poor Robin's Almanack for 1770, there is a 
pleasant attempt at a poetical description of the 
modern fooleries of this day. 



The first of April, some do say, 

Is set apart for All Fools' day ; 

But why the people call it so, 

Nor I, nor they themselves, do know ; 

But on this day are people sent, 

On purpose for pure merriment ; 

And though the day is known before, 

Yet frequently there is great store 

Of these forgetfuls to be found, 

Who're sent to dance Moll Dixon's round y 



1*2 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

Ami having tried each shop ami stall, 

And dissappointcd at them all, 

At last some tells them of the cheat ; 

Then they return from their pursuit, 

And straightway home with shame they run, 

And others laugh at what is done. 

But 'tis a thing to be disputed, 

Which is the greatest fool reputed,— 

The man that innocently went, 

Or he that him designedly sent." 



FOOLISH SATISFACTION IN BEING THOUGHT 

WISE. 

"There is no project to which the whole race of 
mankind is so universally a bubble ; as to that of being 
thought wise ; and the affectation of it is so visible in 
men of all complexions, that you every day see some 
one so very solicitous to establish the character, as 
not to allow himself leisure to do the things which 
fairly win it ; expending more art and stratagem to 
appear so in the eyes of the world, than what would 
suffice to make him so in truth. 

" It is owing to this desire, that you see, in general, 



FOLLV. 13 

there is do injury touches a man so sensibly, as an 
insult upon his parts and capacity: tell a man of 
other defects, that he wants learning, industry, or 
application ; he will hear your reproof with patience ; 
nay, you may go farther, — take him in a proper sea- 
son, you may tax his morals — you may tell him he is 
irregular in his conduct, passionate, or revengeful in 
his nature, and loose in his principles ; — deliver it 
with the gentleness of a friend, possibly he will not 
only bear with you, but if ingenuous he will thank you 
for your lecture ; but hint, hint but a defect in his 
intellectuals, touch but that sore place, from that mo- 
ment you are looked upon as an enemy sent to torment 
him before his time; and in return, may reckon upon 
his resentment and ill-will for ever ; so that, in gene- 
ral, you will find it safer, a better chance of being 
forgiven for proving he has been wanting in a point of 
common honesty, than a point of common sense. 
Strange souls that we are ! As if to live well was not 
the greatest argument of wisdom ! and as if what 
reflected upon our morals, did not most of all reflect 
upon our understandings V Lessons of ivisdom have 
never such power over us, as when they are wrought 
into the heart through the ground-work of a story 
which engages the passions. Is it that we are like 
iron, and must be heated, before we can be wrought 



U SIDNEY ANEi.Doi | 

upon? Or, is the heart so in love with deceit, that 
Where I trur report will not reach it, we must cheat it 
with ixfablvy in oiiler to come at the truth ! I 



FOLLY OF THE ROYALISTS, AND SAGACITY 
OF CROMWELL. 

The Protector having learnt that a party of the 
friends of the exiled Charles II. assembled privately at 
an inn at Islington, resolved to make one amongst 
them ; and having disguised himself as a farmer, 
alighted at the inn from a horse much splashed, as if 
he had rode long and hard, and called for a mug of 
ale. When the landlord put it before him, Oliver 
asked him to drink, which brought on a conversation, 
in which the Protector let fall some expressions which 
induced Mr. Boniface to think he was no friend to the 
Commonwealth. After several cups, he affected to 
feel the effects of them, and with apparent candour 
informed the landlord that the occasion of his journey 
to London was a law suit he had depending, and as 
I uncertain how long it would detain him, he 
wished much he could find a set of honest men to pass 
his time with, that he might be as little as possible in 



FOLLi'. iCf 

that d— d town where his royal master was murdered. 
Mine host being persuaded by his discourse that he 
was one of the right royal sort, took upon him to 
introduce Oliver to the said party, among whom he 
was soon as free and merry as any of them, and 
joined heartily in drinking " The King's return, and 
destruction to the Protector," and other such toasts. 
In the midst of all their jollity, a body of Oliver's 
guards surrounded the house, the commanding officer 
of which told the unsuspecting landlord, that he 
wanted to see the Protector, who had ordered him to 
wait upon him there, and that he was in such a com- 
pany. Boniface assured the officer that his Highness 
was not in his house; but being peremptorily ordered 
to inquire for him, he went into the room laughing, 
and said that an officer " wanted the Protector!" 
Oliver, to their surprise, started up, and answered, 
" Yes, here I am!" adding, " Now, gentlemen, you 
may be convinced you cannot be secret enough to 
evade my discovering you ; I pardon what is past, but 
advise, not to let me find you out another time." 



1T> SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

FOLLY OF THE TURKISH SUPERSTITION, 
AND THEIR AVERSION TO SWINE'S FLESH. 

Busbequiui tells us, that when he was ambassador 
at Constantinople, but really a prisoner, as he could 
not receive nor send any message without its being 
inspected : being aware of the Turkish aversion to 
every thing of the hog species, he hit upon the follow- 
ing expedient: When anyone had a secret un- 
to send him, he directed them to enclose it in a little 
bag along with a roasting pig, and to send it by a 
youth. When the chiaux * met the youth, and 
asked him what he had there, he was instructed to 
whisper in his ear and say, that a friend of his master 
had sent him a present of a roasting pig. The 
chiaux would then punch the bag with his stick, to 
find out whether the boy told the truth or not ; and as 
soon as he beard the pig squeak, he would run back as 
fast as he could, saying, " Get thee in with thy nasty 
it ;" then spitting on the ground, would add, 
" 'Tis strange to see how these Christians dote on this 
filthy, impure beast, they cannot forbear eating of it, 
though their lives were at stake. " Thus was hi* guard 
handsomely choused, and the boy brought him after- 
wards any secret message that was sent him ! 

♦ A guard set over Dusbequius by the Turkish government. 



17 



FOOLISH PREFERENCE OF A WITHY TO A 
ROPE. 

Brien O'Rourke, an Irish rebel, being condemned to 
be hung, appeared greatly concerned at going to swing 
in a common halter, and petiti6ned earnestly, not for 
a pardon, or the preservation of life, but for a change 
in the instrument of death, he only desired to die in a 
withy instead of a rope. On being asked his reason 
for making such an insignificant distinction, he an- 
swered, " I am desirous of a distinction in life, which 
has been paid to many of my countrymen, who have 
been indulged in it." 



MAKING A FOOL OF ANOTHER, AND OF 
ONE'S SELF AT THE SAME TIME. 

A collector of paintings, good, bad, and indiffe- 
rent, but who thought himself a bit of a judge, had 
contrived by sundry means to get together in his 
possession a number of showy paintings, and some 
copies from the first masters; but the judgment of our 
collector not being quite perfect, he would often mis- 
take a copy for an original, whereas had he but read 
c2 



18 SIHNKY ANECDOTES. 

any of the treatises on Painting, or the lives and 
histories of the old painters, he must have found out 
th.it only <»ic original being in existence, and that 
in a particular gallery, could not by any possi- 
bility have come into his possession. However, our 
general collector having, as he thought, met with a 
prize in a supposed original, and exultingly showed it 
to several of his friends, equally able to discriminate, 
one of whom strongly urged him to acquaint some one 
of the rich connoisseurs of his having such a valuable 

Claude in his possession. Sir John was the 

man, and so a letter was sent to inform him that an 
original Claude was to be seen at a house in Camber- 
well. Away flies Sir John, in his carriage, full of 
hopes of glutting his eyes on a rare production of 
Claude's pencil. The carriage at last stops at the 
door, his card is handed in, and the bustling possessor 
of the breathing canvas hands the baronet into the 
little room full of treasures. Casting his eyes about 
in search of the wonder y and not finding any thing 
like an original in the whole lot, he impatiently asked 
where the said Claude was hung ; upon which the 
man of little judgment, pointing to the supposed 
rarity, says, " There, Sir John ! there is the gloning 
original ! No sooner had this judge cast his eye on 
it, than he perceived it was a miserable copy, and 



FOLLY. IV 

turning indignantly to the conceited collector, said, 
" What, sir, was you thinking of, when you desired 
me to come all this way to look at such a daub as 
that ; which 1 would not go across the street to look 
at? Don't insult me in future :" and away he 
flung. 



HOLIDAYS RECOGNIZED, BUT NOT KEPT. 

Many of the Saints' 1 -days, &c. of our Catholic fore- 
fathers, are recognized by the good folks of the present 
day, but strangely perverted by us in their observance, 
being employed in feasting instead of fasting. Lent 
was institute e primitive Christians 

commenced their Lent on the Sunday now called the 
first in Lent. In A.D. 487, Pope Felix III. added the 
four days preceding the Old Lent Sunday, to make the 
fasting days amount to forty, which is the proper 
number. 

Pope Gregory the Great introduced the sprinkling 
of ashes on the first of these four days, named Dies 
Cinerum, or Ash Wednesday; and in 1091, the 
Council of Eeneventum strictly enforced its observance, 
which continued until the Reformation. 



20 SIDNEV ANECDOTIC 

Some notable instructions for keeping true Lent, 
are given by Henrick in his "Noble NUMB] 
which shows, that in his time there were many fonder 
of feasting than fasting. 

Is this a fast, to keep 

The larder leane, 

And clean 

From fat of veales and sheep ? 

Is it to quit the dish 

Of flesh, yet still 

To fill 

The platter high with fish ? 

Is it to fast an hour, 

Or, ragged to go 

Or show 

A downcast look or snore ? 

No ; 'tis a fast to dole 
Thy sheaf of wheat 
And meat 
Unto the hungry soul. 



• 



21 



It is to fast from strife, 
From old debate 
And hate ; 
To circumcise thy life. 

To shew a heart grief rent, 

To starve thy sin, 

Not bin ; 

And thaVs to keep thy Lent. 



FOOLISH PHILOSOPHY. 

A heathen philosopher may talk very elegantly 
about despising the world, and, like Seneca, may 
prescribe very ingenious rules to teach us an art he 
meter exercised himself; for all the while he was 
writing in praise of poverty, he was enjoying a great 
estate, and endeavouring to make it greater; but if 
ever we hope to reduce those rules to practice, it must 
be by the help of religion. — Sterne. 



22 SIDNEY ANEcDul l 

FOLLY OF A CAPRICIOUS AND JESTING 
MASTER OF A COLLEGE. 

Towards the close of the 16tli eentury, Dr. Soames, 
being the master of Peter House, Cambridge, Mary, 
the widow of Thomas Ramsay, lord mayor of London, 
who had before conferred several favours upon that 
foundation, did actually proffer to settle five hundred 
pounds a year, (a very large sum at that time), upon 
the house, provided it might be called the house of 
"Peter and Mary." "No," said the capricious 
master, " Peter, who has lived so long single, is too 
old now for a. female partner." " A dear jest," says 
Fuller, " for the lady, disgusted at the doctor's fantas- 
tic scruples, turned the stream of her benevolence to 
the benefit of other public foundations." 



ST. PETER A FOOL BY COMPARISON. 

A friar in Italy, both clever and learned, was com- 
manded to preach before the Pope at the time of the 
Jubilee, and went to Rome, before the appointed day, 
in order to see the manner of the Conclave, and adapt 
his sermon to the solemnity of the occasion. On that 



FOLLV. 23 

day he ascended the pulpit, and having finished his 
prayer, he exclaimed with a loud voice, " St. Peter was 
a fool !" which he repeated three times, and then 
descended from the pulpit ! The astonished Pope 
immediately questioned him on his strange conduct, 
when he replied, " If, Holy Father, a Cardinal can go 
to heaven abounding in wealth, honour, and prefer- 
ment, and liviug at ease, wallowing in luxury, and 
seldom or never preaching, St. Peter certainly was a 
fool, who took so hard a way of travelling thither, by 
fasting, preaching, abstinence, and humiliation."— 
The Pope could not deny the reasonableness of the 
reply. 



YORKSHIRE SUPERSTITION. 

Mr. Brand states, that it is a custom among the 
common people in Yorkshire, to sit and watch in the 
church porch, on the eve of Saint Mark, from eleven 
at night, until one in the morning. This is to be done 
three years, and on the third year they are supposed 
to see the ghosts of all those who are to die the next 
year, pass by into the ehurch. 



24 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

When any one sichenx, that is thought to have been 
seen in this manner, it is presently whispered about 
that he will not recover ; for that such or such an one, 
who has watched St. Mark's eve, has said so. This 
superstition is in such force, that if the patients them- 
selves hear of it, they almost despair of recovery. 
Many are said to have actually died by their 
imaginary fears on this occasion ; a truly lamentable 
but by no means incredible instance of human 
folly ! 



FOLLY OF A DRUNKEN PERSON. 

A man in a state of intoxication, attempting: to pass 
through a court, thinking it to be the street, but as he 
found interruption, he thought that some person inter- 
cepted him in the passage, on which he drew his sword, 
and began hacking and hewing a stone post, which he 
took for a man. Seeing the sparks which the collision 
brought forth, he drew back, exclaiming, "oh ! what a 
villain ! he carries fire arms !" 






25 



A FOOLISH ANSWER BY A SLEEPY LAWYER. 

A puisne judge having fallen asleep on the bench 
during a trial, continued his nap until its conclusion ; 
when, on being asked his opinion, he rubbed his eyes, 
and called out, " Hang him ! hang him" ! but on 
being informed that the matter at issue, was not a man, 
but a meadow,—" Well then" says he, " mow it ! mow 
it" ! 



A DRUNKEN MAN MADE A FOOL OF, AFTER 
MAKING HIMSELF ONE. 

Philip, the good duke of Burgundy, in one of his 
evening walks in Bruges, found a drunken man lying 
in the public square, in a sound sleep ; he ordered him 
to be taken up and conveyed to his palace, where he was 
stripped of his rags, and accommodated with a clean 
fine shirt and night- cap, and put into one of the duke's 
best beds. When he awoke, he found himself in a 
beautiful alcove, and surrounded by officers very 
richly dressed ; and was still more astonished when 
they addressed him most humbly, asking rvhat dress his 
Highness wished to put on for the day, as he knew he 
had but one, which had served him for a long time. 

D 



J'» SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

After many assurances that he was no prince, but 
indeed a poor cobler, he was at last constrained to 
submit, and bear all the honours they seemed determined 
to load him with, and suffered them to dress him. 
He then appeared in public ; heard mass in the chapel, 
and kissed the mass-book, and in fact did go through 
all the ceremonies of the morning. At dinner he was 
sumptuously served, and waited upon, and afterwards 
joined a card party, then to a walk, and returned to 
other entertainments. After supper being placed before 
him and partaken of, he was led to the ball room, where 
also he was received with princely honours. The poor 
man having never, before this, seen or tasted such rich 
and good things, partook freely of all that was handed 
to him ; and the wine being also of the best quality, he 
felt no reluctance in indulging himself abundantly j so 
that he got as much intoxicated as when they found 
him in the street, and was soon again in as sound a 
sleep as before. In this state they disrobed him, and 
replaced his own mean clothing, and carried him to 
the place where they had found him on the previous 
night, where he slept soundly until the morning. When 
he awoke, he returned home to his wife, and related to 
her as a dream, that which had really happened to 
him ! 



FOLLV. 27 

FOLLY OF WITCHCRAFT, AND ITS BELIEVERS. 

When lord chief justice Holt was on the Oxford cir- 
cuit, a woman was put on her trial for witchcraft; 
having done many injuries to her neighbours, their 
houses, goods and cattle, by means of having in her 
possession a ball of black worsted, which she had 
received from a person, who told her that it had certain 
properties. The poor old woman did not deny the pos- 
session of the said ball, but said that she had never done 
any one harm with it, but on the contrary, good ; and 
that they only envied her having such an important 
thing in her possession. "Well," says the judge, "you 
seem to admit having used the ball as a charm; now, 
will you tell me how long you have had it, and from 
whom you had it?" The poor woman answered, that 
she kept a small public house, near to Oxford, about 
forty years ago ; and one day, a party of young men 
belonging to the University, came to her house, and 
ate and drank what they liked to call for, but had no 
money among them wherewith to pay for what they 
devoured ; and that one of the young men gave her, in 
lieu of it, the said ball ; which he assured her would do 
wonders for her, as it possessed surprising powers; and 
the youth looked so grave and wise, that she believed him; 



SIDNLV 

and she had no occasion to repent of it, for it had 
really done a great deal of good to herandotb 
"Well my good woman," said his lordship, "did the 
young man say any thing about unwinding the hall ?" 
s, my lord, he told me, that if I should do so, 
the charm would he gone ; and here it is (producing it) 
in the same state I had it forty years ago." The judge 
having requested her to hand it up to him, for his 
inspection, he thus addressed the jury : 

"Gentlemen. — I believe it is known to some of you, 
that I was educated at the University of Oxford; and 
it is now about forty years ago ; like some of my com- 
panions, I joined in youthful frolics, which riper judg- 
ment taught me were wrong. On one occasion about 
that period, I recollect of going to the house, which it 
appears this woman then kept ; neither I nor any of 
my companions having any money, I thought of this 
expedient in order to satisfy her claim upon us. I pro- 
duced a ball of black worsted, and having written a few 
Hebrew characters on a slip of paper, I put it inside, 
telling her, that in that consisted a charm that would 
do wonders for her and others: seeing she believed 
in the deception, we quietly took our departure, but 
not before I had enjoined her never to undo the said ball. 
Now, Gentlemen, in order to prove to your minds the 
fnlli/ of those who believe in, and j)erseeute y suc»h deluded 



FOLLY. 29 

and silly creatures as this woman, now arraigned as a 
witch, I will undo this ball before your eyes, and I 
have no doubt will find the characters 1 wrote on a 
slip of paper forty years ago." The judge soon unwound 
the ball, and produced the identical paper, with the 
Hebrew characters ; which so convinced the jury of 
thejolly and absurdity of the then general belief, that 
the woman was immediately pronounced not guilty. 
and discharged ! 

Note. — We believe this was the last trial for 
witchcraft; although the statute still remained a [dis- 
grace to the statute book for many years afterwards, 
even until a few years back ; when finally repealed, at 
the hour of between twelve and one, in the morning; 
which caused my lord Castlereagh to make the remark, 
that " the House was giving the quietus to the old 
witches act, at witching time of night" ! 



A MAN MADE TO LOOK LIKE A FOOL, BY A 
MADMAN. 

A very reprehensible practice exists of exhibiting the 
interior of a madhouse to the idly curious, we might 
d2 



30 sidnky AMBODOTE8. 

say the inhumane, although some do visit such places 
with a benevolent intention. A gentleman having ac- 
companied the celebrated traveller Mr. Park, in a visit 
to Bedlam, in London, recognis ed an old acquaint- 
ance, whom he had not seen for some years, among 
those who were allowed to walk about without personal 
restraint A mutual recognition, and some civilities, 
having taken place between them, they were about to 
shake hands and part, when the insane person struck 
the visitor a smart blow on the side of the head, whieh 
occasioned him to ask his supposed sane friend the rea- 
son of his strange salutation ; who replied, laughing 
sneeringly, and pointing his finger at him, " What a 
fool you are to look for reason in a madhousel" This 
the traveller related to a reverend friend, as a eaution, 
when accompanying him on a like visit. 



GALLIC FOLLY REPROVED. 

On a recent occasion, when this country was divided 
into several factions, each seemingly ready to embrace 
the first favourable opportunity for obtaining the ascen- 
dancy ; our neighbours across the channel, ever eager 
to take advantage of our internal divisions, began to 



FOLLV. 31 

consult among themselves how and when to make a 
descent upon our " tight little island." 

Our ambassador then at the Parisian court, having 
had a secret impression of their intentions, as well as a 
hint from a friend at court, betheught himself of a 
scheme, whereby he might discover a knowledge of 
their treacherous intentions ; and at the same time 
expose their folly, even to themselves. He invited the 
ministers of state, and others of the court, to a grand 
entertainment ; when he had an amphitheatre erected, 
and several exhibitions prepared to amuse his party. 
Among the rest, he introduced two noble bulls, nearly of 
the same size, who soon fell to it in good earnest, but 
after fighting some time with alternate success, they were 
surprised by the intrusion of a large and fierce dog,who 
immediately attacked one of the bulls, who soon 
turned upon his new adversary, in which he waj joined 
by his late opponent. 

These two having beaten the dog out of the pit, 
would have renewed their contest, but the scene here 
ended, and the company retired to renew the feast in 
the hall. Many surmises were made about the inten- 
tion of this last exhibition and its finale. At last one 
ventured to ask him publicly, the reason of the uncom- 
mon interruption ; when he replied, " that as he under- 
stood there were certain parties present, who meditated 



:*2 IIDNET ANECDOT1 

taking advantage of the present distentions among his 
countrymen, he intended this as a lesson to them, that 
Britons, however divided amongst themselves, would 
not brook the interference of a common enemy." The 
project had the desired effect, and the idea of invasion 
was abandoned ! 



FOOLISH VANITY OF OUR VIRGIN QUEEN. 

This queen, whom Dodsley chronieled as having 
brave and skilful admirals and generals, whose coun- 
sellors were sage, and whose maids of honour had 
beef- steaks to breakfast, was not a little vain of her 
personal appearance, and seemed highly pleased by the 
incense of flattery offered her by those of her own and 
foreign courts. On one occasion a grand tournament 
was held in the tilt-yard at the palace of Whitehall, 
in honour of the commissioners of France, who came 
from the duke d'Anjou with proposals of marriage to 
the queen. According to Pennant, a banqueting house 
was erected at a great expence,— the gallery for the 
queen was named the castle, or fortress of perfect 
beauty ! The queen, though now forty-eight years of 



FOLLY. 33 

age, received these flattering compliments, better 
suited for a girl in the bloom of youth. 

This fort of perfect beauty was assailed by Desire, 
and his four foster children : persons of the first rank 
were the combatants, attacking and defending, and a 
regular summons was sent to the possessor of the for- 
tress, along with a fulsome song, one of the stanzas 
running thus: 

" Yeeld, yeeld, O yeeld, you that this fort do hold, 
"Which is seated in spotless honours feeld; 
Desire's great force nor forces can withhold •> 
Then to Desire's desire, O, yeeld, O, yeeld !" 

Next followed a discharge of two cannons, the first 
loaded with street ponder ! and the other with scented 
water ! Then a mock assault was made with elegant 
scaling ladders, and flowers flung against the walls. 
These gallant weapons proving of no effect, Desire 
was repulsed, and compelled to submit— Was it not 
matter of surprise, that an entertainment so pnerile 
could amuse the mind of a woman who possessed abili 
ties capable of governing a powerful nation, and of 
maintaining its respectability among the other na- 
tions in Europe? 



M S1DNKV ANECDOTE*. 

A FOOLISH APPREHENSION. 

A queen of Spain, on her road to Madrid, passing 
through a small town famous for the manufactory of 
gloves and stockings, the magistrates thought they 
could not pay her a greater compliment than by pre- 
senting her majesty with a sample of the articles for 
which the town was famed. The major-domo, who 
conducted the queen, received the gloves very graciously, 
but when the stockings were presented, he flew into a 
violent rage, and reprimanded the magistrates severely 
for this piece of indecency : " Know," said he, " that 
a queen of Spain has no legs. 11 The poor young 
queen, who had but an imperfect knowledge of the 
Spanish language, and had been often alarmed with 
accounts of Spanish jealousy, imagined they were pre- 
paring to cut off her legs, and began to weep bitterly, 
and begged they would conduct her back into Germany, 
as she was sure she should never be able to endure that 
operation, and it was with considerable difficulty they 
could appease her. 

Philip IV. it is said, never laughed so heartily as at 
this story. 



35 



FOLLY AND SUPERSTITION OF A QUEEN 
OF ENGLAND. 

In the year 1552 Bishop Ridley went to Hunsden, 
to payhis duty to the princess Mary (afterwards queen). 
She thanked him for his civility, and entertained him 
with very pleasant discourse for half an hour, telling 
him she remembered him at court, and mentioned 
particularly a sermon of his preached before her father, 
and then leaving her chamber of presence, dismissed 
the bishop to dine with her officer. After dinner she 
sent for him, when the bishop told her, that he did not 
come only to pay his duty to her Grace by waiting 
on her, but farther to offer his service to preach before 
her the next Sunday, if she would be pleased to permit 
him. Her countenance changed at this, and she con- 
tinued some time silent : at last she said, " As for this 
matter, my lord, make the answer to it yourself. ,, 
The bishop mentioned that his office aud duty obliged 
him to make this offer. She again desired him to 
make the answer to himself; for that he could not but 
know what it would be : yet, if the answer must come 
from her, she told him the parish church doors should 
be open for him if he came, and that he might preach 
if he pleased ; but that neither could she hear him, 
nor should any of her scrcants. "Madam," said the 



36 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

bishop, <• I trust you will not refuse to hear Cod's 
word." " I cannot tell," answered Mary, " what you 
call Cod's word ; that is not Cod's word mow, that was 
God's word in my father's days." The bishop observed, 
that God's word was tlie same at all times, but has 
been6e//er understood and practised in some ages than 
in others : upon which she could refrain her anger no 
longer, but told him, " You durst not for your ears 
have avouched that for God's word in my father's days, 
which you do now,"---and then, to show how able a 
judge she was in that controversy, she added, " as for 
your new books, I thank God, I never read any of them, 
/ never did, and never will ! ' ' She then launched out 
in many bitter invectives against the present form of 
religion established, and parted from the bishop with 
these words :---" My lord, for your civility in coming 
to see me, I thank you, but for your offering to preach 
before me, I thank you not a whit /" 

This bigotry of the princess, gave the bishop but a 
sorrowful prospect of what was to be expected when 
the princess came to the crown ! 



37 



FOOLISH SPEECH OF A SENATOR, 

Sergeant Beale " marvelled much that the House 
should demur in granting the subsidy, or in the time 
of payment, when all we have is her majesty's, and 
she may lawfully at pleasure take it from us, — yea, 
she has as much right to all our lands and goods, as 
to any revenue of the crown [hums and laughs] ; 
well, your humming shall not put me out of counte- 
nance — I can prove my position :— in the time of 
Henry III., king John, and king Stephen, &,e. &c. — " 
laughter still louder, till at last the sergeant was 
hummed to his seat He was afterwards more parti- 
cularly exposed for his slavish principles. 



FOOLISH PROFUSION. 

Duclos mentions, that at the splendid festival pre- 
pared by Fouquet for Louis XIV. at his chateau de 
Baux, the steward was ordered to put into every 
courtier's room a purse full of gold, to supply the 
wants of those who might be without money, or had 
but little for the royal gaming table. The gentlemen 

vol. r. E 



38 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

in the king's retinue looked on this provident and 
• us attention of the master of the house as a 
piece of gallantry and munificence, and made use of 
the purses without the least scruple ; and he says, 
that such marks of ostentation were not uncommon 
in those days. 



ANOTHER INSTANCE OF PROFUSION, 

Was exhibited by the Master of the Mint, in 1640, 
when the first new louis's were coined in France. 
After dinner he had three large baskets full of the 
new coin presented as part of the desert, to five of his 
guests, who were favourites of the monarch, and they 
were invited to make free, and partake of whatever 
was placed before them. The courtiers, pleased with 
the sight of the new fruit, this golden rarity, fell 
greedily upon it, and soon filled their pockets, and 
hastened home without even waiting for their carri- 
ages; while the Master smiled at the embarrass- 
ment of the encumbered and bustling lords, as they 
walked, or rather trotted home with their golden 
load. 



PROFUSION OF A FRENCH MISTRESS. 

It is impossible to enumerate the millions which the 
Marquis de Marigny reaped from the inheritance of 
the Marchioness de Pompadour, his sister (mistress 
of Louis XV.) The sale of her furniture alone lasted 
a year. — Private Life of Louis XV. vol. iv. p. 29. 



TURKISH PROFUSION. 

The reformation of the Imperial Court was one of 
the frst and most necessary acts of the government of 
Julian. Soon after his entrance iuto the palace of 
Constantinople, he had occasion for the services of a 
barber. An officer magnificently dressed presented 
himself :— " It is a barber I want," exclaimed the 
prince, with affected surprise, " and not a receiver- 
general of the finances.' ' He then questioned the 
man concerning the profits of his employment, and 
was informed that, besides a large salary, and some 
valuable perquisites, he enjoyed a daily allowance for 
twenty servants, and as many horses ! 

A thousand barbers, a thousand cupbearers, a 



40 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

thousand cooks, were distributed in the several offices 
of luxury, and the number of eunuchs could be com- 
pared only with the insects of a summer day.— Gibbon, 
vol. ii. p. 283. 



A FOOLISH BARBER-SURGEON. 

A young barber from Dantzic, more expert in 
gallantry than surgery* having married the widow of 
Tirmond, one of the most able surgeons of Peter the 
Great, czar of Russia, and his favourite, became very 
rich by the marriage, and made a great figure at 
Moscow. The czar having one day sent for him, he 
went to court magnificently dressed, and in his most 
elegant carriage. Peter examined him minutely, and 
bluntly told him he was a blockhead, and immedi- 
ately called in a number of valets and peasants, and 
ordered him to shave them all without delay, which 
order the gentleman barber was under the necessity 
of complying with, to the great amusement of the 
court; after which he was allowed to return home, 
with the same stately parade in which he had come ! 



41 



FOOLISH APPEARANCE. 

Peter the Great was not very punctilious on some 
occasions. In his way to Holland, in 1776, he came 
to Dantzic just as divine service had commenced, and 
desired that he might be conducted to church ; when 
the burgomaster waited upon him, and conducted the 
czar to the seat of the chief magistrate. Peter being 
seated, he desired the burgomaster to sit by him, and 
listened with great attention to the sermon ; but find- 
ing his head rather cold, he on a sudden, and without 
speaking a word, took off the magistrate's periwig, 
and gravely covered his own head with it. Both 
remained in that ludicrous situation until the end of 
the sermon, when the czar, with a nod of acknow- 
ledgment, replaced the magistrate's head ornament. 



A FOOLISH ANSWER. 

An aged man, who had not had the benefit of early 
education, or had not attended to it, in the North, 
where it is so easily obtained, being, along with others, 
examined by his pastor, and asked, who made him ? 
replied, " In truth, sir, I don't recollect!" " For 
e2 



19 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

shame! 1 ' says the minister; " a man of your years 
cannot tell me who made you !" Then addressing 
a little hoy, " My lad, can you tell me?" The hoy 
having answered properly, the minister then rated the 
old man for allowing a youth to outdo him in such a 
simple question; to which the man replied, " Why, 
no thanks to him, sir, for he was last made ?" Being 
again asked, who was the first man ? nearly the same 
answer was returned,—" In truth, sir, I canna tell." 
The boy having answered this also, another trial of 
his knowledge was made. " Now, then, can you tell 
me who was the first woman ? The old man smiled, 
as if he thought this quite an unnecessary question, or 
put to him in a "joke ; and on being pressed for an 
answer, replied, with seeming exultation, " Who but 
Mrs. Adam, sir ?" 



FOOLISH ATTEMPT AT DESCRIPTION. 

A person who frequently attempts the use of words 
he does not understand, happening lately to visit the 
apartment in which the late duke of York was lying 
in state, on his return home seemed brimful of the 
object he had been viewing, and among other gloomy 






FOLLY. 43 

descriptions of the solemn and imposing spectacle, 
told them, that there was a most helegant chevalier 
expended from the ceiling 1 



ORIENTAL ARROGANCE, AND ITS ANTIDOTE. 

The ambassador from the governor and council of 
India to Hyder Ally, appointed to adjust the prelimi- 
»f peace, hail several audiences and conferences 
at Hyder's durbar, when Hyder, like Jupiter, was 
surrounded with his satellites, his petty subbahs and 
naboblings. During the discussion of the treaty, 

Mr. S hail occasion to mention the resour 

Great Britain, when one of the sycophants with which 
Hyder was surrounded, vith contemptuous arr< - 
demanded, " Who, and what is the king of England ? 
We know nothing of the king of England!" To 
which insolent query Mr. S. replied, in the spirit of a 
true Briton, u Sir, I answer no questions but those of the 
Nabob; but in order to satisfy your curiosity, and 
to correct your insolence , 1 will tell you in a few words 
who the king of England is. " The king of England 
is a prince who has three hundred thousand of the 
finest troops in the world at command, ten thousand 



fl IIDKBT ANECDOTES. 

of whom would at any time make a conquest of your 
country ; and you may be thankful for your remote- 
ness from his power for your safety in this repli- 
cation." This coup-de-grace completely silenced the 
impertinent Asiatic. 



A LITTLE MAN IN A BIG WIG. 

An eccentric member of the House of Commons, 
some few years ago, having come into the House 
after taking refreshment at the coffee-house adjoining, 
and being in good trim for a speech, in making 
allusion to the chair, or rather to the personage who 
occupied it, they signalised him with a particular 
direction of the finger. " I mean that little man 
with a big iriy, there ;" for which piece of eccentricity 
he was sent to Coventry, that is, committed to 
the custody of the serjeant at arms, afterwards repri- 
manded, and released on paying the f ees ! 



u 



FOOLISH DECISION. 

In the time of the Popish plot, an Irish physician 
was charged with writing a treasonable libel, but 
denied the thing, and appealed to the unlikeness of 
the characters. It was agreed, they said, that there 
was no resemblance at all in the hands; but the 
doctor had two hands, his physic hand and his plot 
hand, and they insisted upon it, that because it was 
not like his hand, it was his hand ! 



FOLLY AND CREDULITY OF OUR ANCESTORS. 

Bougey was a Franciscan, and lived towards the 
end of the thirteen century, a doctor of divinity, and 
a particular acquaintance of Friar Bacon. In that 
ignorant age every thing that seemed extraordinary 
was reputed magic, and so Bacon and Bougey went 
under the imputation of studying the black art. 
Bougey also published a treatise of natural magic, 
which confirmed some well-meaning credulous people 
in this opinion ; but it was altogether groundless, for 
Bougey was chosen principal of his order, being a 
person of most excellent parts and piety. 



H MDNEV ANECDOTES. 

A BARRISTER PUZZLED BY A BUMPKIN. 

On a trial at Cambridge, about 1810, in a case 
where there was a dispute about felling some trees, 
for the purpose of widening a river, at an improper 
season of the year, when the wood was not in a fit 
state to be cut down, one witness appeared so very 
ignorant, that he could not say whether it took place 
on or before Lady-day, Midsummer, Michaelmas, or 
Christmas. " The counsel, as usual, took advantage of 
his ignorance, to banter him not a little : " What a 
pretty fellow you are to come into a witness's box, 
and cannot tell which are the names of the quarter- 
days, and so on. The bumpkin, scratching his head, 
said he didn't know much about what the gentleman 
meant, but he believed the trees were cut about Hal- 
lommass? " Hallowmass !" exclaimed the barrister j 
"when is that?" "Why, doesn't thee know that, 
sir?" said the witness. A general laugh ensued, in 
which the judge could hardly refrain from joining, 
and was compelled to call the tipstaves to take any 
one into custody who continued to disturb the court. 



47 



A COUNSEL'S OPINION OF THE FOLLY OF 
GOING TO LAW. 

Counsellor M t, being in company one day, 
after he had retired from practice, the glorious uncer- 
tainty of the law became the subject of conversation. 
He was appealed to for his opinion ; when he laco- 
nically observed, "If any man was to claim the 
coat upon my back, and threaten me with a law suit 
in case of a refusal to give it him, he certainly should 
have it, lest in drfendiny my coat, I should find out, 
too late, that I was deprived of my waistcoat also ! n 



AN USURIOUS BANKER OUTWITTED. 

An old and rich banker at Lyons, named Corvu, 
who had amassed a large fortune by extortion and 
usury, was consequently visited with frequent qualms 
of conscience. Louis Brabant, valet-de-chambre to 
Francis the First of France, possessed the gift of 
ventriloquism in an eminent degree, which he some- 
times made use for amusement, and at other times 
for his advantage. He had fallen in love with a rich 



m:v anecdotes. 

and handsome heiress, but, on aeeount of the sraall- 
f his fortune, could not gain the consent of 
her parents ; hut the father dying shortly after, he 
waited upon the widow, and in the presence of several 
visitors imitated the voice of her late husband, which 
he made appear as coming from above, directing her 
her daughter to Louis Brabant in marriage, as 
he was a man of good fortune and character ; for that 
he was now in purgatory in consequence of having 
refused her to him ; and that, if she gave her consent, 
he would then be released. The widow, believing in 
the voice as supernatural, and feeling for the soul of 
her late lord and master, at last gave her consent to 
receive him as her son in-law. 

Succeeding thus far, he bethought himself of the 
rich banker at Lyons, on whom he next intended to 
exert his talent, in order to recruit his financ?s, which 
at this time were very low. Behold him now tete-a- 
tete with the old usurer in his little back parlour, con- 
versing about demons and spectres, whieh he artfully 
introduced, adding the pains of purgatory and the 
torments of the damned. In a short and silent inter- 
val, a voice was heard like that of the banker's de- 
ceased father, complaining of being in purgatory, 
from which he could only be liberated by his giving 
into the hands of Louis Brabant a large sum of 



FOLLY. 49 

money for the redemption of the slaves among the 
Turks ; at the same time threatening him with future 
punishment if he did not obey his request. 

Louis now affected a great deal of surprise, and 
farther aided his deception by admitting that he cer- 
tainly was devoting himself to the charitable purpose 
to which the ghost alluded ! The suspicions of an 
old usurer are not easily satisfied, and he made an- 
other appointment with Louis for the next day, but 
took care, he thought, that it should be utterly im- 
possible any deception could be practised upon him, 
by agreeing to meet him in an open field, where 
neither bush, tree, hill, nor pit, could conceal a confe* 
derate. On the next day the banker led Louis into the 
field, but at every step his ears were saluted with the 
groans and complaints of his father, and his other 
deceased relations, imploring him, in the name of all 
the saints in the calendar, to have mercy on his own 
soul, and theirs, by effectually seconding with his 
purse the pious intentions of the worthy Louis Bra- 
bant. Corvu, already sufficiently alarmed, was now 
convinced, and could no longer resist the supposed 
voice of heaven, took his guest home with him, and 
paid into his hands ten thousand croivns, with which 
the honest and pious Louis returned to Paris, and 
immediately after married the heiress ! 

F 



fifl SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

OBSERVATIONS ON 

FOOLISH FEARS OF DEATH. 

There are many instances of men who have received 
the news of death with the greatest ease of mind, and 
even entertained the thoughts of it with smiles upon 
their countenances — and this, either from the strength 
of spirits, and the natural cheerfulness of their temper, 
or, that they knew the world, and cared not for it, or, 
expected a better ; yet thousands of good men, with all 
the helps of philosophy, and against all the assurances 
of a well-spent life, that the charge must lie to their 
account, upon the approach of death, have still leaned 
towards this world, and wanted spirits and resolution 
to bear the shock of a" separation from it for ever.— 
Sterne, Sermon 18. 



MAC£NAS» FEAR OF DEATH, AND 
FONDNESS FOR LIFE. 

C. Macaenas, the friend and favourite of Augustus, 
on account of his effeminacy was called Malcinus, 



FOLLY. 51 

and, as Seneca says, was so much afraid of death, 
that he used often to repeat the words, " All things 
are to be endured so long as life is continued,' ' accord- 
ing to these verses, — 

Debilem facito manum, 
Debilam pede coxa, 
Tuber adstrue gibberum, 
Lubricos quate dentes, 
Vita dum superset bene est. 

TRANSLATION. 

Make me lame of either hand, 
And on neither foot to stand, 
Raise a bunch upon my back, 
And make all my teeth to shake, 
Nothing comes amiss to me, 
So that life remaining be! 



52 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

THEOPHRASTl S. 

Tliis philosopher, who lived to the age of eighty-five, 
is said to have accused Nature for indulging stags and 
crows with long life, to whom it was of no advantage, 
while to man was given only a short life, to whom it 
was of great importance, that it might he the more 
excellent, heing perfected in all the arts and sciences ; 
he complained, therefore, that as soon as he had begun 
to see and understand those things, he was forced to 
part with life ! 



ARTEMON. 

According to Heraldieus Ponticus, a very skilful 
engineer, named Artemon, was of so timorous a dispo- 
sition, that he was foolishly afraid of his own shadow, 
and that he very seldom ventured to stir out of his 
house. He had two of his men always by him, hold- 
ing a brazen target over his head, in fear that some- 
thing should fall upon and injure him; and if, upon 
an urgent occasion, he was compelled to go out of his 
, he was borne upon a litter, which hung low, as 
he irftf constantly in fear of falling ! ! 



FOLLY. 53 



THEMISTOCLES. 

Themistoeles, the most famous of the Grecian com- 
manders, having entered upon the hundred and eighth 
year of his age, feeling nature declining, and the end 
of life approaching, grieved that he was about to de- 
part when, as he said, that it was but then that he 
began to grow wise ! 



CAIUS CALIGULA. 

The emperor C. Caligula, was so very fearful of 
death, that when it thundered, and the lightning 
flashed but a little, he would shut both eyes and cover 
his head wholly ; but when the storm was severe, he 
would creep under his bed. The eruption of Mount 
Etna, its noise and smoke, terrified him so, that he 
fled suddenly by night from Messina. Being with his 
army, and riding in a German chariot, between the 
straights beyond the Rhine, the army marching toge- 
ther in close squadrons, one having remarked that 

there would be no little confusion should an enemy 
f 2 



•)l SIDNEY kNBCDOTKS. 

then appear, he was so alarmed that he left the chariot, 
mounted his horse, and made all haste to the bridges, 
and finding these choaked up with slaves and carriages, 
he brooked no delay, but was handed over men's 
heads, and so conveyed safely to the other side of the 
river. Shortly afterwards, hearing of the revolt of the 
Germans, he prepared for flight, and had ships ready 
for his conveyance ; consoling himself, that although 
the conquerors should pass the Alps, or possess them- 
selves of Rome, he should still have possessions beyond 



DIFFERENT EFFECTS OF SIDDEN AM) 
SLOW DEATHS. 

Antigonus took notice of one of his men, as being of 
a very valiant and daring nature, and ready to under- 
take any hazardous or desperate service. Having per- 
ceived a change in his appearance, he anxiously 
inquired the cause, and finding he had a dangerous 
and secret disorder, he caused every possible care to be 
taken for his recovery. When restored to health 
again, the king was surprised to find him less forward 



FOLLY. 



and daring than before-time, and inquired of him the 
reason of such a change of his manner, to which the 
soldier ingenuously replied, " Now I feci the sweets of 
life, and therefore am I loth to lose it." 



CARBO. 

Cn. Carbo, in his third consulship, being sent 
by the orders of Pompey into Sicily, to be there be- 
headed, begged with great humility, and tears in his 
eyes, that the soldiers would allow him to do an act of 
natural necessity, only that he might thus add a few 
minutes to his miserable life. He remained so long in 
this situation, that the soldiers would brook no longer 
delay, and his head was severed from his body while 
he sat. 



TITUS VESPASIAN. 

The emperor Titus Vespasian, in his progress to- 
wards the territories of the Sabines, was suddenly 



."><> SIDNEY \sk 

ioiznl with a fever at the fust stage where he hailed. 
On his removing thence, in a litter, it is stated that he- 
put back the curtains, and looking up to heaven, 
complained heavily that his life should be taken from 
him, who had not deserved to die so soon, for in his 
life he had not done any action whereof he had cause 
to repent, save one ; but that one he did not then 
state, nor was it afterwards known to what he alluded. 
He died in about the forty-second year of his age. 



KING OF HUNGARY. 

A king of Hungary appearing very melancholy, his 
brother, a merry courtier, asked the reason : the king 
said, u O brother, I have been a great sinner, and I 
fear to die and appear before the tribunal of God." 
The brother made a jest of his melancholy thoughts, 
but the king took no notice of his levity at the time. 
When any one was denounced for death, it was the 
custom for the executioner to sound a trumpet before 
the person's door ; and the king ordered the headsman 
to sound his trumpet before his brother's door in the 
dead of the night. Alarmed by this messenger of 



FOLLY. 57 

death, ho hastens, pale and trembling, into the pre- 
sence of the king, begging to know wherein he had 
offended him. " O my brother," said the king, 
" Thou hast never offended me," but since the sight 
of the executioner strikes such a terror into thee, won- 
der not that I, who have greatly offended against God, 
should be afraid of the sight of His executioner, who 
must carry me before His judgment seat !" 



A FOOLISH IMPRESSION HAVING A MORAL 
EFFECT. 

Mycerinus set open the temples of the Gods which 
his father Cleops, king of Egypt, and his uncle 
Cephrenes, had caused to be shut up. He was a lover 
of justice, and beloved by his people, to whom he gave 
liberty from oppression. But the oracle of the city 
Buti, had predicted that be should live only six years, 
and die in the seventh ; he sent back reproaches and 
complaints to the oracle, that whereas his father and 
his uncle, who had neither respected the Gods, nor 
governed the people justly, had been favoured with 
length of days, while he, who had lived in piety and 



00 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

justice) must end his days so soon. The oracle re- 
plied, that therefore he should die, for that Egypt 
should have been afflicted one hundred and fifty years, 
which his predecessors had understood better thau he. 
When Mycerinus heard this reason of the shortening 
of his days, he caused lamps to be made, and lighted 
all the night, and kept himself in action night and 
day, wandering through the fens and woods, and 
wherever he could find pleasure, that so he might 
lengthen his years to twelve, and deceive the oracle 
who had limited his life to six years ! 



FOLLY OF AMBITION. 

Sir Walter Scott, in his Life of Napoleon, says, 
that he was affected when he rode over the fields of 
battle which his ambition had strewed with the dead 
and the dying, and seemed not only desirous to relieve 
the victims, but shewed himself subject to the influence 
of that more Kettle and imaginative species of sympa- 
thy, which is termed sensibility. He mentions a cir- 
cumstance which indicates a deep sense of feeling. 

As he passed over a field of battle in Italy with 






:l-„ 




FOLLY. 5§ 

some of his generals, he saw a houseless dog lying up- 
on his slain master ; the creature came towards them, 
then returned to the dead body, moaned over it piti- 
fully, and seemed to ask their assistance. " Whether 
it were the feelings of the moment," continues Napo- 
leon, " the scene, the hour, or the circumstance itself, 
I was never so affected by any thing which I had seen 
upon a field of battle : that man, I thought, has per- 
haps had a house, friends, comrades, and here he lies 
deserted by every one but his dog. How mysterious 
are the impressions to which we are subject ! I was 
in the habit, without emotion, of ordering battles which 
must decide the fate of a campaign, and could look 
nith a dry eye on the execution of manoeuvres which 
must be attended with much loss; and here I was 
moved,— -nay, painfully affected, by the cries and grief 
of a dog. It is certain, that at that moment I should 
have been more accessible to a suppliant enemy, and 
could better understand the conduct of Achilles 
in restoring the body of Hector to the tears of 
Priam." 



t)<> SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 



FOLLY OF PROFESSED LIBERALS. 

The learned and good Prideaux suffered much for his 
adherence to the royal cause, from those who j^vfessed 
to contend for liberty and toleration, so that he was 
compelled at last to dispose of his library, to proeure 
the means of support. As Dr. Gauden remarked, he 
literally became a hclluco librorum. Yet be bore his 
misfortunes with patience, and even good humour, for 
when a friend visited him, and asked him how he felt 
and fared, he replied, " Never better in my life, only 
I have too great a stomach, for I have eaten the little 
plate which the sequestrator left me, — I have eaten a 
great library of excellent books r --l have eaten a great 
deal of linen,- much of my biass, some of my pewter, 
and now am come to eat of my iron ,• and what will 
come next, I know not." This was the treatment re- 
ceived by a learned man and a promoter of learning, 
by men professing generous and liberal sentiments ! ! ! 
This eontented man used often to say, if he had been 
clerk of Ugborough, he had never been bishop of Wor- 
cester: in this he alluded to his being a candidate for 
the situation of parish clerk to the church of Ugborough, 
near Harford, having a good voice ; but, as Mr. Price 



FOLLY. 61 

informs us, he had a competitor who had great in- 
terest, and the parish being nearly divided, and unwil- 
ling to offend either party, it was agreed they should 
both exhibit on the Lord's- day following, that the 
people might then judge for themselves. Prideaux 
lost the election, to his great grief at the time ; for he 
was not wise enough to foresee the greater dignity to 
which he should arrive ? 



FOOLISH ASSASSINS. 

Sigebert, king of Essex, was a valiant and pious 
prince, and the restorer of religion in his kingdom, 
which had apostatised after the departure of Mellitus ; 
yet was he murdered by two villains, whose only fault 
was his goodness. It being demanded of them, why 
they killed so innocent and harmless a prince, they 
could only reply, " because his goodness had done the 
kingdom hurt ; and such was his inclination to pardon 
offences, that his meekness made many malefactors ! !" 



SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 



FOOLISH OPPOSITION. 

In the reign of Charles II., an assembly of Quakers 
having had a very long and tedious sitting, eould not 
ho prevailed upon, by remonstrances or solicitation, to 
dissolve the meeting and disperse ; but a meny fellow 
bethought himself of a stratagem which had the desired 
effect. He rose and made proclamation in the king's 
name, that no one should depart without his majesty's 
leave, upon which they all got up and went out, so that 
it should not be said they yielded obedience to any 
one. 



One of the Friends having refused to pay the parish 
clergyman his dues, and the parson being unwilling to 
use harsh measures with any one, sent a kind invitation 
to the Friend to come and dine with him, who accepted 
the invitation, and enjoyed a hearty dinner. While 
enjoying a comfortable pipe after it, our Friend pre- 
sented the parson with a bank-note, saying, " Friend, 
take that which is thine." When the clergyman 
offered him the difference, it was refused, with this 



FOLLY. 63 

answer, '• Thy meat offering, thy drink offering, and thy 
burnt offering, were very good, therefore it is but just 
thou shouldst be paid for the same." The invitation 
became annual, and the parson had no reason to com- 
plain of his own, or of his friend's generosity. 



FOLLY OF PILGRIMS. 

Mr. Turner, in his tour to Jerusalem, relates a cir- 
cumstance which proved to him the inconsistency and 
folly of those pilgrims who want to bathe in the river 
Jordan ; who were so eager to save themselves by virtue 
of an early ablution, that the call of humanity, or chris- 
tian charity, was lost sight of, and unheeded. He says, 
that he fell in with a crowd of pilgrims all eagerly has- 
tening to the river ; and continues, " what most struck 
and disgusted me, was the inhumanity of the pilgrims, 
who passed tbeir dying companions on the road, without 
even asking en-passant how they did ! I was near, 
when the horse fell down the precipice, and not a 
soul waited except myself, to inquire whether the rider 
had saved himself! The only answer I could get 
from those, who I supposed might have seen it, was, 



(>1 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

MVhat do I care?" "What do I know ?»— This is 
in d ee d ! a foolish faith, without an appearance of good 
works !" 



DIONYSITJS'S FOOLISH JESTING WITH 
ARISTIPPUS. 

The tyrant Dionysius, when the philosopher Aristip- 
pus humbly solicited a small sum of money, took occa- 
sion, like many of the great and rich since his day, to 
make a jest of the poverty of the philosopher. " I 
thought that you philosophers contend that a wise man 
never wants anything. " To which Aristippus replied, 
" rf you will give me the money, I will argue the point 
with you, and convince you of your mistaken opinion. " 
Dionysius having given the money, Aristippus archly 
rejoined, "That which we philosophers contend for 
must be true, for you now see a wise man never wants 
money !" 






FOLLY. 65 



A FOOLISH PRIEST, OR, PHYSICIAN. 

A skilful and benevolent, yet somewhat eccentric 
physician, in the Northern Capital, in his return from 
one of his visits, was accosted by a poor old woman, 
"Isn't your name Sandy W—d?" "Yes. my good 
woman, what d'ye want wi' me ?" u O sir, my husband 
is a-dying, and I would wish you to come and see him." 
" Well, shew me the way." " But I fear, sir, ye'll no 
like to gang sae far up." " Never mind that, go on, 
and I'll follow you ?" The humane doctor followed the 
woman down a close, and ascended a long flight of six 
stories to the attic, and on entering the apartment, saw 
a poor man lying very much reduced, and seemingly 
in the act of expiring through weakness; on inquiring 
what nourishment he last had, he was told that he had 
nothing for above a day, and seeing the poverty of the 
place, he presumed that it was through want of the 
means of procuring necessary food ; so putting his hand 
in his pocket, he pulled out half-a-guinea, and desired 
them to get some wine, &c. to recruit nature. 

The woman said that he could not now take any 
more, for he had received the extreme unction, (i. e. the 
sacrament of the Catholic Church): the priest being in 



<»h SIDNEY ANKCDOTl • 

the room, and seconding the woman, said M that the 
person of the dying man could not now be polluted by 
any thing earthly." The doctor whose temper could not 
brook such foolish rcasoning,exclaimedin haste/'What, 
sir, do you mean to murder the man ? if you dare to 
oppose me in this case, I shall certainly have you taken 
up for a murderer!" The priest, on this, became 
alarmed and took himself off. The wine was sent for 
and given, and with the assistance then and afterwards 
afforded by the said Mr. W— -d, the poor man was 
again set upon his legs, although consigned to death 
by the fiat of the priest ! 



A FOOLISH PEER. 

King, in his anecdotes, mentions, that on a particu- 
lar bill being introduced into the House of Lords, bishop 
Atterbury made the observation, that he had prophe- 
sied that this said bill would be attempted in the pre- 
sent session, and was sorry to find he had proved a true 
prophet! On which, Lord Coningsby, who had not 
always the command of his temper, remarked to the 
House, " that one of the right reverend bench had set 



FOLLY. 67 

himself up as a prophet, but for his part, he did not 
know to which prophet he could liken him, unless 
to the furious Balaam, who was reproved by his own 
ass. To this the Bishop coolly replied, " since the 
noble lord has discovered such a similitude in our 
mantiers, I am well contented to be compared to 
Balaam, but, my lords, I am at a loss to make out the 
other part of the parallel : of this only am I sure, that 
I have not been reproved by any one but his Lord- 
ship." 



FOLLY OF TYRANNY. 

" Independently of the misery that tyrants inflict on 
those whom they govern with the iron rod of despotism, 
they are the cause of their own unhappiness in life ; 
and a fear of sudden death, and little hope of future 
happiness, are their constant assailants. The best 
remedy against this tottering state of the soul, is a 
good conscience ; without this, the most powerful ruler 
will tremble in the midst of those who have sworn 
to protect him !" 



SIDNEV ANECI' . 



DOMITIAN. 



This Emperor had such a suspicion of treason, ami 
a dread of falling by the hands of some one near 
his person, that he caused the wall of the galleries 
wherein he was accustomed to walk, to be set and gar- 
nished with the stone called Phesiyites, so that by 
the reflection thereof, he might see the motions of 
those behind him. 



DIONVSIUS. 

Dionysius the Syracusan, after having reigned thirty 
eight years, in fear of sudden death removed all his 
friends from about him, and committed himself to the 
care of strangers and barbarians. — He taught his 
daughter to shave him, living in dread of barbers, and 
when his daughters were become of age he would not 
trust even them with a razor, but caused them to burn 
off his beard, &e. with the white of walnut kernels ! — 
His two wives Aristomache and Doris, he dared not to 
approach either in the night, before the place was 



FOLLY. 69 

searched ; and although he had drawn a deep moat 
round the room, and entered by a draw- bridge, he 
drew it up himself after he went in. — He spoke to the 
people from the top of a tower, not daring; to venture 
his person in the rostrum. — When playing at ball, a 
boy whom he loved, held his sword and cloak, and 
when one of his friends jestingly remarked, " You 
now put your life into his hands," the boy having 
smiled, he caused both to be put to death, the one for 
shewing how lie inight be killed, and the other for seem- 
ing to approve of it with a smile. Being overcome in 
an engagement with the Carthaginians, he at last 
perished by the treason of his people. 



FOLLY OF INHUMANITY. 

There is a secret shame which attends every act of 
inhumanity, not to be conquered in the hardest natures. 

? Many a man will do a cruel act, and at the same 
time will blush to look you in the face, and is forced to 
turn aside before he can have heart to execute his 
purpose. 

" Inconsistent creature that man is ! who at that in- 
stant that he does what is wrong, is not able to with- 



"0 8IDNE1 INKGDOTES 

hold his testimony to that which is good anil 
praiseworthy l M — Sterne. 



A FOOLISH PHILOSOPHER. 

Hume, shortly after publishing one of his first 
essays, in which the doctrine of annihilation appeared 
to be supported, happened to become enamoured with 
a young lady at Turin 5 but the declaration of his pas- 
sion being received with a smile of disdain, the philo- 
sopher lost his patience and his philosophy, and in the 
strongest terms assured the lady, that without her 
approving smile, he should be thrown into despair and 
annihilation. " O Sir," replied the witty fair, " that, 
in effect, will be nothing more than a natural conse- 
quence of your own system !" 

Complaining one day, that the world censured him 
harshly and unjustly for having written only a few 
reprehensible pages in so many volumes, one of the 
company observed, that he reminded him of a notary 
public, who, being condemned for forgery, lamented 
the hardship and injustice of bis sentence, as he had 
written many thousand inoffensire sheets, and now he 
was about to be hanged for writing a single Hue! 



FOLLY OF THE CUSTOMS. 

The Gilead doctor, having puffed it into demand at 
home and abroad, had several orders for exportation. 
On one occasion, he entered at the Customs a quantity, 
of the nominal value of £300. at the low rate of £50. 
This the commissioners seized as under- valued. The 
doctor, who best knew its intrinsic value, took no trou- 
ble about it, but pocketed the sum they had seized for, 
and sent in a second quantity, in order to tempt them 
to do the like ; on second thoughts, they allowed this to 
pass, to the disappointment of the doctor, who could 
have supplied them at a profit, as long as they pleased 
to seize. 



FOLLY OF CRUELTY; AND RETALIATION. 

Philip the Second of Spain, who considered himself 
lord of the western world, sent out a fleet well fitted, to 
dispossess the French Huguenots, who made the first 
settlement in Florida in the 16th century. His orders 



i'2 SIDNEV ANECDOTES. 

were executed with unnecessary severity, for after the 
intrenehments of the French had been forced, many 
were barbarously put to the sword, and the prisoners 
hanged on trees, with an inscription, " Not as 
Fn nchmen, but as Heretics." This cruelty, however, 
won avenged by a skilful and enterprising seaman 
of Gascony, named Dominic de Gourgues, who hated the 
Spaniards. He built some ships with the produce of 
his estate, and with a select band of enterprising ad- 
venturers set sail for Florida. On landing he drove 
the Spaniards before him, and having defeated them in 
every engagement, by way of retaliation, he hung the 
prisoners on trees, with the inscription attached, " Not 
as SjmniardSj but as Assassins." 



FOLLY OF NAPOLEON. 

It is well known that Bonaparte anxiously wished to 
see all his brothers on thrones, and was displeased with 
Lit i en, because he would not accept of a crown. At 
last Lucien, tired of his importunities to become one 
of the Napoleon dynasty, so far complied by telling 
him, that be would consent to be a king, if his brother 



FOLLY. 73 

would give him his choice of a kingdom — " Choisissez, 
mon frere!" exclaimed the overjoyed Napoleon, "pour- 
vre que vous soyez un des notres, tout est a vous." Lu- 
cien then demanded the throne of England! The de- 
mand was significant, and the boasting emperor felt 
deeply the keen irony it conveyed. 



HUNTING QUARREL. 

Three sons of Cosmo, duke of Tuscant, John 
cardinal de Medieis, and his brothers Ferdinand and 
Cartia, having gone a hunting one day in the confines 
of Tuscany, they started a hare, which afforded them 
a long chace before the dogs could come up with her. 
A dispute arose about which of their dogs had the first 
hold, and much ill language was used, whereupon the 
cardinal, being of a haughty temper, gave his brother 
Cartia a box on the ear, which Cartia hastily resented 
by drawing his sword and running it into the cardinal's 
thigh, so that he died almost immediately. The car- 
dinal's servant, to revenge his master's death, gave 
Cartia a deadly wound, so that, with the game, they 
carried home to the duke of Tuscany, one son dead, 
vol. i. h 



7 1 SIDNEY am.( do i | 

ami another dying; thus on account of a mere 
trifle, the father had t<> deplore the lo<s of hOO of his 



RELIGIOUS QUARREL. 

A few years before the long parliament, there lived 
near Clun Castle, in Wales, a respectable widow, who 
had two sons, and being grown to man's estate, had 
been together on the first Sunday in the month at the 
Communion table.— On their way home, they had some 
dispute about the manner of receiving it. The senior, 
who was an orthodox Protestant, like his mother, held, 
that being the highest act of devotion, it ought to ht 
taken in the most humble posture — on the knees; — 
which the junior, a Puritan, opposed, yet the dispute 
seemed to end without exciting much animosity, 
day the brothers returned to dinner from their labour, 
and the elder, according to his custom, lay down to 
take a nap, after his dinner, upon a cushion at the end 
of the table. The younger brother, named Enoch 
Evans, tempted by this opportunity, went for an axe, 
which it appeared he had provided at hand, stole softly 
up to the table, and, with a spiteful stroke, severed his 
brother's head from his body. The aged mother, hear 



FOLLY. 75 

ing a noise, Game in from the adjoining room, and see- 
ing the horrid spectacle, exclaimed, " O villain, hast 
thou murdered thy brother?" " Yes," said he, " and 
shall you after him:" with this, he struck her down, 
dragged her to the threshold of the door, and there 
chopped off her head also, and put them both in a bag ! 
He made an attempt to flee from justice, but was ap- 
prehended and brought before Sir Robert Howard, 
justice of the peace, and committed, tried at the 
assizes and condemned to death, for having committed 
both matricide and fratricide; but he merited a double 
death, had that been possible. 



CIVIL QUARREL. 

A quarrel between two boys was the occasion of spill- 
ing much Christian blood in Italy. The one having 
struck the other a blow, the father of the youth who 
had been struck, cut off the hand of the other who gave 
the blow, whose father now made the quarrel his own, 
and endeavoured to avenge himself for the injury in- 
flicted upon his son ; thus began the faction of the 
Neri and Bianchi, i. e. black and white, which imme- 
diately spread itself throughout Italy. 



SIDNEY ANLC'Dn i 



A HOLY ELEPHANT. 



The king of Siam, in the year 1568, had in his pos- 
session an elephant purely white, which induced his 
neighbour, the king of Pegu, to imagine there was 
great holiness in the animal, and accordingly he did 
pray unto it. Wishing to have such a precious crea- 
ture in his own possession, he sent ambassadors to the 
king of Siam, with offers of any price or consideration 
he would name, so as lie would send the elephant to 
him; but the king of Siam would not part with it on 
any account. The refusal so enraged the king of Pegu, 
that he collected all his forces and invaded Siam. Some 
hundreds of thousands were brought into the field, and 
a severe and sanguinary battle ensued, in which the 
king of Siam was vanquished, and made tributary to 
the king of Pegu, who led home the white elephant in 
triumph. 



FEMALE riM:( EDENCE. 

In the reign of Edward VI., the two sisters-in-law, 
Katharine Parr, late queen of Henry VII L, but now 



married to the Lord Thomas Seymour, admiral of 
England, and the duchess of Somerset, wife to the 
Lord Protector of England, the admiral's brother, 
these ladies having a dispute about precedence, which 
Katharine claimed as Queen Dowager, and the Duchess 
challenged as wife to the Protector, who then governed 
both king and kingdom, drew their husbands into the 
quarrel, so that the Protector procured the death of his 
brother, the Admiral; but shortly after his own des- 
truction followed, for being deprived of the powerful 
support of his brother, he was easily overthrown by the 
Duke of Northumberland, through whom he was con- 
victed of felony, and suffered on the scaffold. 



A FOOLISH CUSTOM REPROVED. 

Sir Gilbert Heathcote being one night in com- 
pany with the minister, Sir Robert Walpole, at his 
house, and being asked what he would like for supper, 
made free to mention beef steaks and oyster sauee. 
Alter supper an hour or two was spent in conversation 
over a glass of good wine: at last Sir Gilbert rose to 
bid his friend good night; but in passing into the hall, 
he found it lined with the liveried attendants of the 



78 SIDNEY nmCDOTKS. 

minister, to whom he now turned and asked, " Pray, Sir 
Robert, be so good as to point out whieh of these I am 
to pay for my beef steak?" Sir Robert, taking the 
bint, gave the signal for the servants to withdraw im- 
mediately. 

Sir Richard Steele, in company with bishop Hoad- 
ley, paid a visit to the duke of Marlborough, at Blen- 
heim House : on their leaving, Sir Richard asked the 
bishop if he intended giving money to all the fellows 
with ruflles and laced coats, with which the hall ap- 
peared lined? " To be sure, it is customary," said the 
bishop. " For my part," observed Sir Richard, " 1 
have not enough of money about me:" so, as he pass- 
ed into the hall, he thus addressed the expectant wait- 
ers : "^Gentlemen, as I have found you to be men of 
taste, I now invite you all to the Theatre Royal, Drury 
Lane, with liberty to order any play you may think 
proper to command." 

Poussin, the celebrated painter, being honoured with 
the company of a cardinal to dinner, His Eminence 
expressed his sympathetic regret, that the artist had no 
nts to wait upon him; on whieh Poussin made 
the significant observation, " I am only sorry that your 
Emincnco has any." 



FOLLY. 79 



FOLLY OF RASHNESS. 



The Athenians were rash even to madness, when 
they condemned to death ten of their commanders, who 
had just returned, after having gained a glorious vic- 
tory ; only because they had not interred the bodies 
of their soldiers who fell in battle ; which the rage 
and tempestuousness of the sea rendered impracticable. 
Thus they punished necessity, when they should have 
done honour to virtue. 



OTHO. 

The emperor Otho, when opposed to Vitellius, who 
had come against him, was advised by his counsellors to 
delay the fight, as his army appeared much cumbered 
by the straitness of the places through which they had 
to paos, and was also in want of provisions. The em- 
peror disregarded this seasonable advice, and with a 
very inconsiderate rashness ordered an immediate at- 
tack ; by which he risked and lost both his army and 
his empire, and he then destroyed himself. He was 
buried at Brixellum, without any funeral honours, 



80 HONEY ANBCDOI 1 

nor was there 80 much as a monument placed over his 
grave. 



LEWIS OF BAVARIA. 

The emperor Lewis, of Bavaria, having in 1256, 
made a league, and joined forces with those of the 
cities near the Rhine, to contend against * hose, who in 
the distention of the princes wasted Germany; he was 
with his army, when the empress Mary of Brabant was 
at Werd From hence she sent two letters, one for the 
emperor her lord, and the other for Henry Ruchon, a 
commander in the army : both letters were sealed with 
one seal, but with differently coloured wax ; that with 
black wax for the emperor, and that with red for the 
commander Ruchon. The messenger, by mistake, 
gave that sealed with red to the emperor, who, upon 
reading it, became suddenly jealous of some intrigue, 
though without reason. Feigning some urgent neces- 
sity, he left the army on the Rhine, and travelled night 
and day until he ?ame to Werd. When, without 
allowing the empress to be heard in explanation or 
defence, lie charged her with adultery, and caused her 
to be beheaded. Supposing Ilelica to be confederate 



FOLLY. 81 

with his wife, he stabbed her with a penknife ; and lie 
ordered the chief of her ladies to be thrown headlong 
from a tower. Shortly after having thus rashly com 
mitted so much cruelty, he had a frightful night vision, 
by which his hair became grey before the morning. 



A KING OF ENGLAND'S RASH PROMISE. 

When the late duchess of Kingston was Miss Chud- 
leigh, she obtained for her mother a suite of chambers 
at Hampton Court, by order of the king ; who, meeting 
her shortly afterwards , inquired, how her mother liked 
her new apartments. " Perfectly well, sire," said she, 
" in point of situation and air, if the poor woman had 
but a bed to lie upon, and a few chairs to put in the 
rooms." " O then," said the king, " let her havj 
them by all means," and he gave immediate orders 
that her apartments should be furnished. When the 
upholsterer presented the bill to the officer of the 
household for payment, he found the sum amounted 
to four thousand pounds, and refused to settle it until 
he had shewn it to his majesty, who was equally sur- 
prised to find that his order for a bed and a few chairs 
had been thus taken advantage of; but it was now 



SIDNEY \NECDOTES. 

dose, and couUl not be recalled ; so he ordered the 
payment to be made. 



RASHNESS REPROVED. 

An aide-de-camp to a British general, who was lay- 
ing seige to a fortress in a regular and scientific man- 
ner, came to his commander one morning full of 
ardour, informing him that he had perceived a point 
from which the enemy might be much annoyed, and 
being in the possession of only a small number of the 
enemy, it might be earned with the loss of but a fen 
men. The general, who valued lives more than did 
many of his officers, heard his narration deliberately, 
and then coolly inquired, if he would like to take the 
chance of being o/ie of those few ? 



FOLLY OF CONVERSING ABOUT THINGS WE 
DO NOT UNDERSTAND. 

The great sir Isaac Newton, not only a philosopher 
but a christian, being in company when Dr. Halley, a 



FOLLY. 83 

celebrated mathematician, made use of some unbe- 
coming expressions concerning revelation and religion, 
Sir Isaac turning to him addressed him thus, — 
" Dr. Halley, when you talk about philosophy and 
mathematics, I always hear you with pleasure, because 
these are subjects with which you are well acquainted ; 
but I must beg, that you will say nothing about Chris- 
tianity, tor it is a subject you have nertr studied, - 
1 have ; and I know that you know nothing of the 
matter." 



FOLLY OF EXPECTATION. 

A French officer who had served his country forty 
. and grown old and feeble, waited upon the mar- 
quis de Castrus, then secretary of state, to solicit a 
pension, stating that he had a wife and six children, 
and that himself had not made one good meal for six 
months pa*t. The smiling courtier replied, "You 
may be assured, sir, when I find a little relaxation from 
the multiplicity of business I have before me, which I 
trust will be in less than a year, I shall embrace an 
early opportunity of taking your services into conside 
ration." The officer assured him, that he could not 



fl I <IDNISY ANECDOTES. 

exist for such a length of lime without assistance, and 

that if he died, his wife and children would hare DO 
claim on the kind's bounty. To which the secretary 
coolly replied,- -" I am mortified, my dear sir, that I 
have it not in my power to be of service to you at pre- 
sent, but I beg you may look upon me as your particu- 
lar friend, and believe me to be wholly yours !" " Bless- 
ed is he who expecteth nothing, for he shall not be 
disappointed." 



A FOOLISH PREACHER. 

An eccentric preacher, holding forth to an eccentric 
congregation in Perth, North Britain, had for his text, 
" I will compare thee, my love, like unto a couple of 
horses in Pharaoh's chariot." He went on, comparing 
the church to a horse well-fed and watered, scrubbed 
and harnessed, and ready for the chase, concluding 
his harangue with, " and when their master thinks fit 
to call them away from this world to another, he just 
gee ho to heaven I 9 w 



SUPERSTITION OF THE IRISH REGARDING 
ST. PATRICK. 

Among the many miracles said to be performed by 
St. Patrick, there are recorded, that he freed Ireland 
from numerous reptiles, &c, restored sight to the blind, 
health to the sick, and raised nine persons from the 
dead. He is also said to have crossed the Shannon, by 
swimming " with his head under his arm ;" or, as some 
of the descendants of those converted by him have 
gravely stated, "with his head in his mouth!" The 
custom of wearing shamrock, (or trefoil) arose, accord- 
ing to some, from his using a sprig of trefoil when 
expounding the doctrine of the Trinity ,- thus repre- 
senting the divisibility of the Divinity into three dis- 
tinct parts, and the unity of it in one stem. This saint 
was born in Scotland, and originally called Succuthus, 
until changed to that of Patrick, by pope Celestine, who 
sent him on a mission into Ireland, where he converted 
a great number to Christianity, and in A.D. 472, 
founded the archiepiscopal see of Armagh. He was 
buried at Down, in the county of Ulster, in a church 
named after him, where his body was found in 1185. 
He has been properly styled the apostle of the Irish, 
and father of their church, and is considered as the 



96 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

tutelar saint of Ireland; the 17th day of March is 
the day held sacred to his memory. His works were 
published in London, A.D. 1656. 



FOOLISH WISH FOR DISTINCTION. 

Caius Caligula often wished for the slaughter of his 
own armies, for famine, pestilence, fire, or some 
other notable event to signalize his time ; and often 
complained that his reign was not'at all remarkable on 
account of any public calamity, like that of Augustus, 
which was memorable for the slaughter of the legions, 
under Quintilius Varus ; or that of Tiberius, by the fall 
and ruin of the theatre at Fidenae, and he feared he 
should be buried in oblivion, through the prosperous 
course of his affairs ! 



i 
FOLLY OF AMBITION. 

Anaxarchus the philosopher, in a discourse before 
Alexander the Great, showed that, according to the 
sense of his master Democritus, there were other worlds, 



FOLLY. 87 

and innunerable. Alexander sighed and said, " Alas ! 
what a mi erable man am I, that have not subdued so 
much as one of these !" — 

"Unus Pelleo juveni non sufficit orbis, 
-flistuit infaelix Augusto limite mundi." 

Juvenal. 

"For one Pellean youth, the world's too small ; 
As one pent up, he cannot breathe at all." 



FOLLY OF MIRTH AND PLEASURES. 

Abner, an oriential king, gave orders that his son and 
heir, should be confined in his youth to a stately palace, 
and to have every pleasure placed within his reach ; pro- 
hibiting his attendants from allowing any thing to ap- 
pear before his eyes, calculated to give him any ideas of 
the calamities of human nature ; nothing but pleasure 
was to be talked of in his presence. Yet, alas ! in course 
of years, the young prince became sad in the midst of 
all this splendour and joy fulness, and begged of his 
father to be released from the bonds of this unvarying 
felicity. The father reluctantly yielded to his request, 



88 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

lest by his endeavours to make him cheerful, he should 
make him sad ; but he charged those who waited on 
him, never to let him see an object of sorrow, either 
aged, infirm, deformed,' or diseased ; but in vain the 
caution ! for the miseries of mankind are not easily 
concealed. The prince, in his recreations, having met 
with an old man, leprous and blind, he startles with 
astonishment, trembles, and faints, as if he had seen 
an unearthly being ; and when he had in part 
recovered from his first shock of surprise, he anxiously 
inquired of his attendants the nature of what he had 
seen. Feeling inwardly persuaded, that it was one of 
the miserable conditions of this life, henceforward he 
disliked pleasure, condemned mirth, and despised life. 
He rejected his royal dignity, and his kingdom ; and 
bade adieu to pleasures, and all the blandishments of 
fortune at once ! 



FOLLY OF DISCONTENT. 

" I pity the man, whose natural pleasures arc bur- 
dens, and who flies from joy (as these splenetic and 
morose souls do,) as if it was really an evil in itself." 
— Sterne. 



FOLLY. 

DIONYSIUS THE ELDER. 

This tyrant, far from being satisfied that he was the 
most powerful ruler of his time, felt indignant and dis- 
contented that he could not write poetry like Philoxenus> 
nor discourse and dispute so learnedly as Plato ,• 
therefore, he threw the one into a dungeon, along with 
malefactorsjfelons, and slaves ; confiined the other, and 
afterwards banished him to the Isle of ^Egina ! 



PIUS THE FIFTH. 

Pius V., did not enjoy the happiness he expected be- 
fore he was advanced to the papal chair, for he has been 
heard complaining thus : •' Cum essem religiosus spera- 
bam bene de salute animas meae. Cardinalis factus 
estimui,Pontifexcreatuspenedespero." — M When I was 
a monk, I had same yood hope of my salvation, — When 
I teas made cardinal, I had lesi ; and now that I am 
raised to the popedom, I am almost in despair 



SIDNEV ANECDOTES. 



ADRIAN THE SIXTH. 



Adrian VI., when he perceived the increase of 
the Lutherans, and the approach of the Turks ; these 
and other things pressed so heavily on his mind, that 
he grew weary of the honour to which he had been 
elevated, fell sick, and died in the second year of his 
popedom. He left this inscription to be put on his 
tomb : " Adrianus Sectus, hie situs est qui nihil 
sibi infeliciusin hac vita, quam quod imperaret,duxit." 
— " Here I yeth Adrian the Sixth, who thought nothing 
occurred more unhappily for him in this life, than his 
being advanced to the papal chair ! 



CAIUS MARIUS. 

Caius Marius was the first who was created consul 
for the seventh time, and lived to the age of seventy 
years. He was possessed of riches and treasures 
enough to satisfy the desires of many kings; yet did 
this man, full of years, and worldly goods, lament his 
hard fate, that he should die untimely and poor ; not 
having many things which he still desired after. 



FOLLY*. 91 



BAJAZET THE FIRST. 

Bajazetthe First having lost the city of Sebastia, in 
which was his eldest son Orthobules, was marching 
with a large army against Tamerlane, when he heard a 
shepherd cheering himself with his merry pipe, as he 
sat feeding his flock by the side of the mountain. 
Bajazet surrounded by his nobles, listened for some 
time, and heaving a deep sigh, he exclaimed, " O 
happy shepherd, thou hast neither a Sebastia, nor an 
Orthobules, to lose!" 



FOLLY OF GAMING, AND ITS CONSEQUENCES, 

We might give here many modern instances of the 
folly of this trie*, of which we are daily reading or 
hearing, and of its ruinous consequences, being 
destructive to health, peace of mind, families, and 
fortunes. 

We learn, one day, of one who has fought bravely, 
and with great fortitude and presence of mind, being 
easily overcome in a game of chance, which he has not 
the courage to resist, not because it is manly, but 



!>2 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

that it is fashionable ! One who has marshalled an 
army, and planned a campaign, and prudently con 
ducted a siege, an attack, and a retreat, and received 
the thanks and honours of his sovereign and of his 
country, for the consummate skill and fortitude dis- 
played when opposed to men practised and famous in 
the art of war, tamely surrendering to become the 
dupe of the practised gambler, and risking on the 
chance of a die, or the turn up of a card, the fruits 
and rewards of a life spent in the service of his 
country. 

Another day we hear of a young man born to a 
good estate, and just emerged from the controul of a 
tutor, now no longer a minor, but in the pride of 
manhood seeking the society of the gay and the 
fashionable, happy in being admitted to their parties 
of pleasure; while they look upon his gay plumage 
with glistening eyes, eager to pluck the silly pigeon. 
He is persuaded by their example to risk a little for 
amusement, or to pass an idle hour. A loss of a few 
hundreds is the consequence : being told it is all chance, 
he is persuaded to risk again, to recover what he lost, 
but he loses more. Another temptation succeeds, 
until he finds out at last that he has no chance at 
all ; but it is too late, he has lost thousands, and has 
no more to risk. 



FOLLY. 93 

It appears strange that men who can reason upon any 
subject, and command attention by their eloquence in 
the senate, at the bar, and even in the pulpit, should 
find, or create, such a vacuity in their minds, as to 
render it necessaiy to waste their time in an amusement 
neither conducive to health of body, nor the improve- 
ment of the mind ; in which the loser cannot feel a 
pleasure, nor can the winner rise perfectly satisfied, un- 
less the minds of both have become altogether callous, 
and indifferent about events. That nobleman who 
was invited to meet a select party of reputed taste and 
learning, gave them a silent, yet severe rebuke, when 
he came and found them eagerly engaged in a game 
at cards : he civilly saluted them, but finding they 
took no farther notice of him than returning his salu- 
tation, he turned his back upon them, sat down, 
took out his pencil and memorandum book, and 
began writing. When one of the party, happening to 
glance his eye over his cards, observed his conduct, 
his curiosity induced him to ask what he was writing ; 
to which he made answer, that he was led to expect 
the society of men from whom he might gain some 
information ; and that, in order not to lose the good 
things that fell from them, he was noting down their 
conversation. This had an instant effect, the cards 
were thrown away, and the party afterwards enjoyed 



N SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

the feast of reason, in the interchange of ideas, and 
expression of thought. 

To the professed gambler, who endeavours to live 
by it, it is his trade, therefore we cannot look for 
either example or advice having any effect upon him ; 
but we would hope, that those who are not so entirely 
devoted to the gratification of this passion, may 
profit by example. Alexander the Great im- 
posed a fine upon some of his friends, because they 
did not play when at dice, but seemed engaged, not 
in sport, but as in the most serious and important 
affair in the world f 



PARYSATIS AND ARTAXERXES. 

The eunuch of Artaxerxes, named Mesabatis, having 
cut off the head and right hand of Cyrus, after his 
death, Parysatis, the mother of Cyrus, whom she 
loved much, sought for an opportunity of being 
revenged for the insult ; but not finding an earl y 
one, she set her wits to work ; being expert at dice, 
and often engaged at play with the king, she took 
occasion to challenge him to play for a thousand 
darici, which she designedly allowed the king to win. 



FOLLT. 99 

Feigning to lament her loss, she requested him to play- 
once more, and for an eunuch, and they agreed each 
to select five of their favourite eunuchs, that, which- 
ever should win, might select any one they chose. 
Parysatis having secured this game, immediately 
chose one of the king's five, pointing out Mesabatis, 
and before the king could perceive her cunning inten- 
tion, he was delivered to the executioners, to be flayed 
alive, and his body fixed downwards upon three 
crosses, and his skin hung upon a stake by itself. 
The king was much incensed when he learnt what she 
had caused to be done ; upon which she jestingly said, 
" You are a pleasant and gallant person, to be so 
wroth for the loss of an old and wicked eunuch, 
whereas I can sit down and rest contented with the 
loss of a thousand darici." 



ALPHONSUS OF ARAGON. 

Alphonsus, king of Aragon and Naples, being one 
day in play at dice with Ludovicus Mediarotas, 
cardinal of Padua, and patriarch of Aquileia, lost 
the sum of twenty -five thousand crowns, which, it is 
said, the cardinal actually carried away with him. 



*><> MDNfcV ANECDOTF.S. 



HENRY THE EIGHTH OF ENGLAND. 

This licentious monarch played at dice with sir 
Miles Partridge for the four bells hanging in a tower 
in St. Paul's church yard, called Jesus' bells, as Fuller 
states, and the latter was the winner, and brought the 
bells to ring in his pocket ; but it is observed, that 
the ropes afterwards catched about his neck, and for 
some offences he was hanged in the days of Edward 
the Vlth. 



PROFANATION OF THE SABBATH. 

In Clark's Mirrour, mention is made of three men, 
who were playing at dice on the Lord's Day, near to 
Belissma, in Helvetia; when one of them, named 
Ulric Schraeterus, having lost much, in throwing a 
desperate cast exclaimed, " If fortune deceive me 
now, I will thrust my dagger into the body of God, 
as far as I can." Fortune being against him, he 
drew his dagger, and with all his force threw it 
against heaven, whcn,lo! it vanished, and five drops 



FOLLY. 97 

of blood fell on the table before them. The Devil 
immediately carried away the blasphemous Ulric, 
with such a noise that amazed the whole city, and 
the others, struck with fear, in attempting to rub out 
the stains, only made them appear brighter. The 
rumour of this singular affair reaching the city, 
quickly multitudes came, and found the gamesters 
engaged in their fruitless attempt. By the decree of 
the senate, they were bound in chains, and carried off 
to prison, on the way to which one was suddenly 
struck dead, with numerous insects, &c. creeping out 
of him, a loathsome sight ! and in order to avert the 
judgment the citizens thought impending over them, 
the third was immediately put to death. The table 
was preserved as a monument to show the accursed- 
ness, inconvenience, and mischief arising from play 
with dice. — Clark's Mirrour, c. 17. p. 62. 



DESPERATION. 

Adam Stockman, a vine-dresser living in Alsatia, in 
the year 1550, having received his wages, lost it all at 
dice, and had nothing remaining for the support of 
his family, which so affected his mind, that, in the 



SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

absence of his wife, he cut the throats of his three 
children, and was about to hang himself, when his 
wife coming in, and witnessing the horrid catastrophe, 
gave a violent shriek and fell down dead. On this 
the neighbours rushed in, and seized the man, who 
was by the law condemned, and suffered a cruel 
death. 



A SON'S SORROW. 

The son of Joanna Gonzaga, standing by the side 
of his father while engaged in play at dice, showed 
signs of dislike and grief when he saw his father losing 
a large sum of money : upon which Gonzaga, turning 
to those who stood near, said, u Alexander the Great, 
hearing of a victory that his father had gained, is 
reported to have grieved at the news, as fearing there 
would be nothing left for him to gain ; but my son 
Alexander is afflicted at my loss, as fearing there 
would be nothing left for him to lose." 



1)9 



DUKE OF EPERNON. 

In 1603, a noted Italian gamester named Pimentel, 
went to France, having heard of the passion of the 
French for dice playing. He had previously prepared 
the way for his success, by hiring men to carry and 
dispose of a great number of dice, made under his 
direction, of which he only knew the high and the low 
runners ; and they bought up, and brought away 
with them, all others they could find in Paris. Shortly 
after his arrival, he managed, through the interest of 
some Italians, familiar at court, to get introduced to 
the king, and admitted as a gamester. Having ensured 
success, he won of many, and among others the duku of 
Epernony of whom he won all his ready money, 
and many of his jetvels, besides a piece of Ambergris, 
valued at tiventy-thousand croivns ; the largest that 
had ever been seen in Europe, and which was after- 
terwards purchased by the republic of Venice, and pre 
served as a very great rarity in their treasury. 



KH) SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 



HENRY THE SECOND OF FRANCE. 

Henry Cheney, who was created baron of Tudding- 
ton, in Bedfordshire, by queen Elizabeth, was in his 
youthful days venturous and wild. In throwing the 
dice with the king of France, he won a diamond of 
great value, at one cast. The king inquiring of him 
how he would have satisfied him, had he lost instead of 
winning, he made answer, like Some of the bravadoes of 
the present day : " I have shecps* tails enough in Kent, 
with their wool, to buy a better diamond than this." 



CALIGULA. 

C. Caligula, was so excessively prodigal in play, 
that it is said he ventured four hundred thousand 
sesterces, equal to ten thousand crowns, upon every 
print of the dice, and not upon the cast alone. 



101 



ROGER ASCHAM. 

This person, who was schoolmaster to queen Eli- 
zabeth, and her latin secretary, lost so much by his 
addiction to dice and cock-fighting, that he was 
always poor, and died in the same state. 



NERO. 

This emperor was prodigal in gaming, as well as in 
his gifts, for he would adventure, on every cast of the 
dice, a sum amounting to four hundred thousand 
sesterces, which was the like sum as Caligula risked, 
only with this difference, the former laid upon the cast, 
and the latter upon every point of the dice ! 



THE CHINESE. 

The Chinese are much given to gaming, and often 
play very high, losing all they are possessed of, not ex- 
cepting their wives and children, which they sometimes 
k 2 



10*2 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

stake also, and if they also lose thorn, they hand these 
over to the winner, until they are able to pay the money 
to redeem them. 



DIKE OF VALENTINOIS. 

Caesar Borgia, the duke of Valentinois, when he 
hid lost many thousand erowns at a sitting, consoled 
himself by saying, that the sins of the Cermans had 
paid for all, being a part of that tribute which his 
father, Pope Alexander the Vlth. had procured from 
Germany by the sale of pardons and indulgeneies. We 
believe many in our time may console themselves with 
similar satisfaction— "lightly come, lightly gone." 



FOOLISH SEVERITY, AND A SEVERE 
RETALIATION. 

A y«ung Spanish officer, named Aguirra, being 
sent on military service, to South America, was station- 
ed at Potosi, the governor of which had ordered that 
no European officer should employ an Indian to 
carry his b; This Officer, being sent on an 

expedition, happening to disregard the order, was im- 



FOLLY. 103 

mediately accused, and condemned to be publicly 
whipped on an ass. Great and unavailing interest was 
made ; but the respite of one fortnight only was 
obtained from the governor ; and even that came so 
late, that he was mounted and stript for the punish- 
ment before it arrived; when he exclaimed, "Nay, 
the shame is endured, worse cannot be done ; there- 
fore, executioner, do your duty, and return the tyrant 
his reprieve." The infliction followed, and was 
endured calmly and resolutely. After this, the sufferer 
could never be brought to associate with his equals, 
but wandered about alone in a state of melancholy, 
seeming to shun all society. The governor being 
removed shortly after, another was appointed in his place, 
yet still Aguirra hovered about the palace, which caused 
the friends of the governor to advise him to leave 
Potosi, in order to avoid the danger he apprehended : he 
then retired to Los Reyes, 320 leagues from thence, but 
in a week's time Aguirra was there also; he then removed 
secretly to Quito, 400 leagues further off; a short time 
elapsed, and Aguirra arrived there also, although on 
foot, and without shoe or stocking. The governor, find- 
ing himself so closely pursued, flew to Cuzco, 500 
leagues from Quito, but Aguirra, shortly after, was 
there also. Wearied by his long and repeated journies, 
the governor said he would fly the villain no longer, 



101 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

but keep a guard about him, and set him at defiance; 
but his servants being one day at play, and the gates 
left open, Aguirra, always on the watch, entered, and 
finding his enemy alone, he stabbed him to the heart, 
and with the same dagger dispatched himself! This 
relation has been given by several Spanish historians, 
and appeared, with some variations, in the eighth num- 
ber of The Guardian. 



FOOLISH REVENGE, PRUDENTLY AVENGED. 

A chaguen, or governor of a Chinese province, 
having lost from his cabinet the seal of the emperor, 
could not transact any business, therefore he gave 
out that he was ill, and refused to admit any one to 
his presence. 

A mandarin, who had a regard for the governor, with 
many intreaties, at last obtained admission to see him, 
and was surprised to find him in good health. The go- 
vernor now told his friend of the loss of the seal, and 
that the lock of the casket being uninjured,hc was sure 
that the seal had been stolen; and unless he found it 
again, he was afraid of his government, if not of his 
life. His friend inquired if he had any enemy in the 



FOLLY. 105 

place, and was told that an officer of rank had long 
owed him a grudge. " Haste then," said his friend, 
" let your most valuable articles be secretly removed, set 
fire to the empty place and call out for help, then will 
this officer, in the fulfilment of his duty, make his ap- 
pearance with others. When you see him, put the ca- 
binet, shut up as it is, into his hands, in the presence 
of the people ; if he has stolen the seal, he will replace 
it before he returns the cabinet ; if not the thief, yet 
blame will lay at his door for having so little care of it, 
and you will not only be free from the danger, but also 
revenged on your enemy." The governor acted ac- 
cording to this advice, and the next day, when he re- 
ceived the cabinet again and opened it, he found the 
seal inside, as the mandarin had suspected.-— Semedo's 
History of China. 



FOLLY OF FALSE POLITENESS.. 

The late lord Stair, when ambassador at the court 
of France, was considered one of the most polite 
persons about the court ; of which the king made a 
public acknowledgment one day, when going out, 
accompanied by several of his court. Lord Stair 



|O0 SIDNEY ANKCDOT1 

being one of the party who were to ride in the royal 
carriage, stood with the others near to his majesty. 
The king having desired one and then another to 
ascend the steps, they all declined, until his majesty 
had taken his seat ; lord Stair being next desired to 
enter the carriage, made his obeisance, and immedi- 
ately took his seat; when the king turned to the 
others, and said, " Now I have proved that the ambas- 
sador from England is the most polite among you, for 
he has obeyed my command promptly, and sans 
ceremonie." 



FOLLY OF FALSE POLITENESS, WITH ITS 
CONTRAST. 

Our French neighbours say, that we are the politest 
people in Europe, and adduce as an evidence the 
following anecdote. On a cold foggy day in Novem- 
ber, two of their countrymen, and an English sailor, 
were on their way to London on the top of the Dover 
coach : one of the Frenchmen and the English tar 
bad good warm top coats, while the other seemed half 
dead from the effects of crossing the channel in a stiff 
gale, and the chilling cold. The Frenchman politely 



FOLLY. 107 

offered his suffering countryman the use of his coat, 
at the same time telling him how comfortable he felt 
in it. The other could not think of depriving his 
companion of that which was of so much benefit to 
himself, and without which he made appear he 
would be as uncomfortable as he himself now was, 
and therefore politely declined the acceptance of it. 
The British sailor, perceiving that the one made an 
offer of that which he wished to retain, while the 
other in politeness refused that which he would wil- 
lingly have accepted, if disengaged, threw aside his 
great coat, saying, " Hang this here lumbering tackle, 
I am so confounded hot in it, that I cannot breathe. 
Here, Monsieur Parlez-vous, do you take it !" It was 
then accepted. 



FOOLISH WISHES. 

Caius Caligula was desirous of doing anything that 
was thought impossible by others ; he therefore laid the 
foundation of palaces on piles, where the sea was deep 
and boisterous. He hewed rocks of the hardest flint 
and stone, raised plains level with mountains, and 



108 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

reduced hills to the level of the plains, with a celerity 
almost ineredible, punishing with death the sloth or 
negligence of his workmen ! 

Suclunius, lib. 4. c, 37. p. 187. 



DUKE OF BUCKINGHAM. 

As the unfortunate duke of Buckingham was one 
day riding in his park, along with his steward, they 
came near to a large flock of sheep, when the duke 
asked to whom they belonged. The steward answered, 
"They belong to your grace." The duke hastily 
replied, " I wish to God they were all foxes !" 

Gents. Mag. vol. 56, pt. 1. p, 17. 



ALBERTUS MAGNUS. 

Five years before his death, Albertus Magnus desired 
of God that he might forget all that he had learned in 
the studies of humanity, and profane authors ; that 



109 



he might give himself entirely to devotion, and the 
practice of piety.— -CheUvind's Hist. Coll. cent 3. p. 88. 



THE LORD CORDES. 

This sanguine French commander had such an 
ardent desire to retake Calais from the English, that he 
in common expressed a wish, that he might lie seven, 
years in hell, so that Calais were again in possession 
of the French.-- Grafton, vol. 2. p. 882. 



SAINT AUGUSTINE. 

This saint, before he was beatified, frequently ex- 
pressed a wish that he had seen three things, viz. 
Rome in its glory, — Paul in the pulpit,- -and Christ 
Jesus in the flesh !-— Cilesti Opus Med. p. 121. 



110 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 



JAMES I. OF ENGLAND. 

When thic king first saw the public library at 
Oxford, and perceived the little chains by which the 
books were fastened, he expressed his, wish that ifever'it 
should be his fate to be a prisoner, this library might 
be his prison, those books his fellow-prisoners, and the 
chains his fetters. — Clarke's Mirrour, c. 77. p. 349. 



PHILOXENUS THE EPICURE. 

Some say that this personage was a glutton, others 
that he was a musician, which induced him to express 
the wish, that he had a neck as long as a crane's, 
that so he might swallow his food with the greater 
pleasure, or send forth his notes with greater and 
more pleasing variety and sound; yet it is a question, 
whether, if his wish had been gratified, it would have 
assisted him in either. 

Aulus Gellim, Noct. lib. 9. c. 2. p. 503. 



FOLLY. 1 1 1 

QUIN. 

This celebrated character, improved upon this wish ; 
when, upon tasting turtle soup, he said, " he wished he 
had a stomach as long as a ship's cable, and every inch 
a palate !" 



SPARTAN AND CRETAN BENEVOLENCE. 

The Spartans are said to have wished, that their 
enemies might be seized with the humour of building, 
keep a race of horses, and that their wives might prove 
false to their beds. While the Cretans wished, as the 
worst that could befal their worst enemies, that they 
might be delighted with some evil custom. 

Zuingius $ Val. Max. 



112 SIDNEY ANBOD Tl 

EUDOXUS. 

So anxious was Eudoxus to understand the nature of 
the sun, that he expressed the wish, even upon the con- 
dition that he should be burnt to death in its body.— 
Plutarch. 



ALEXANDER THE GREAT. 

When this conqueror put to sea with his navy, he 
came to an island, which he called Scillustis, others 
Psiltusis, where, having landed, he viewed the coasts, 
and studied the nature of that sea, and then sacrificed 
to the gods, praying that no mortal man after him 
might ever pass farther in that direction than he had 
done, and so returned home. Plut. in Alex. — Zuiny. 
Theat. vol. i., c.2., p. 154. 



THE SCOTTISH HIGHLANDER. 

One of these hardy sons of the mountains being ask- 
ed what he most desired of the good things in this 



FOLLY. 118 

world, said, that he wished he had an ocean of whisky 
and a mountain of sneeshin, (snuff). Being again 
asked if these were all, after a little reflection, he cooly 
replied, he should like a little mair sneeshin. 

" If wishes were horses, beggars would ride." — Scot- 
tish Proverb. 



DARIUS. 

When Darius was informed that the Ionians and 
Athenians had set fire to Sard is, he expressed his con- 
tempt for the Ionians, on whom he thought he could 
easily avenge himself for their rebellion, but he called 
for a bow, and shot an arrow upwards, praying, " O 
Jupiter ! may it come to pass, that I may be avenged 
of the Athenians." — So rooted was the enmity he had 
conceived against them, that at every meal, he gave 
order to one of his attendants often to repeat--" My 
Lord, remember the Athenians." 

Pezel. MeUific. torn. 1 . p. 48. 



I I I SIDNEY IIIICDO 

FOLLY OF INTEMPERANCE. 

At a wedding, near Zeghebuic, in the year 1 1 16, 
there was such an exeess of surfeiting and drinking, 
as had never before been witnessed j so that there died, 
of men and women, no fewer than eighty persons! 

Although we do not, now a-days, read or hear of such 
numbers dying at one feast, many suffer by excess and 
frequent feasting. 



ALEXANDER THE GREAT. 

Alexander the Great having accepted an invi- 
tation to the sumptuous feast prepared by Medius, a 
Thessalian, at Babylon, went thither, and drank plen- 
tifully of wine. Having drank off the great cup of 
Hercules to the bottom, he uttered a sudden shriek, 
then fetched a heavy sigh, and was taken thence by his 
friends; physicians were called, but his distemper in- 
creased, and he endured great pain. He and they both 
despairing of life, he took the ring from his finger and 
gave it to Perdiccas. Being then asked who should sue- 
ceed him, he replied, " The Best," which were his last 



FOLLY. 115 

words, for he soon after died, having reigned eleven 
years and seven months. 



PROFESSOR PORSON. 

The brightest geniuses and most learned in arts, 
sciences and language, have been guilty of indulging 
in occasional and frequent excesses, which caused them 
at times to act very like fools. The late professor Por- 
son possessed great powers of conversation, which he at 
times applied injudiciously. Home Tooke thus spoke 
of him : " For some time past I have had no inter- 
course with him; the last visit he paid me, was a most 
extraordinary one ; it was a dinner party, and, sur- 
rounded by my friends, I sat at the head of the table. 
Porson was among the number, and was, as usual, very 
chatty, pleasant and good humoured, until a certain 
period of the evening, when he committed the most 
abominable outrage that hospitality ever felt. He had 
shown no soreness or displeasure whatever at the topics 
in conversation, when, impelled by some motive I could 
never explain, he on a sudden rose from his seat, and 
holding his glass in his hand, addressed me in these 
words: 'I will give you, Sir, in a bumper toast, the 



11<> SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

health of the most detestable eharactcr in the whole 
world — John Horne Tooke !" At this time, he was 
flushed with wine, though his senses were by no means 
overset by it. My friends and myself expostulated with 
him on the indecency of his behaviour, with all possi- 
ble good temper and complacency, but in vain; he 
pursued a strain of the most vulgar abuse and invec- 
tive against my principles, conduct, and political 
life. I teazed him a little by my rapier in reply, but 
kept myself quite cool in temper and steadily on my 
guard. He still went on, adding grossness to grossness, 
and scurrility to scurrility. I then went round to the 
chair in which he was sitting, and desired him to feel 
the muscles of my right arm — he felt them — I then 
drew up my leg, and desired him to feel and discover, if 
he could, whether thai had any muscular energy —He 
did so- --'Now, Sir,' said I, 'you find that I can hoth strike 
and kick, and if you do not hold your tongue, I will 
first knock you down, and afterwards kick you out of my 
house.' This menace silenced him ; but he still kept 
his scat, drank a great deal more wine, became very 
drunk, and was finally packed up, late at night, in a 
post-chaise, and driven home to his lodgings in town. 
From that time to this I have never seen Jiim." 



H7 



FOOLISH MISTAKE. 

Thomas Ruthal, for his abilities was made bishop of 
Durham by Henry VII. and notwithstanding the dis- 
like which cardinal Wolsey bore to him, Henry VIII. 
made him a privy councillor, and also employed him 
to draw up a breviate of the state of the land. Hav- 
ing finished and got it fairly transcribed, and bound, 
it remained only now to present it to the king. The 
binding happening to be nearly similar to that of an in- 
ventory of his own estate, amounting to the large sum 
of one hundred thousand pounds, he carried the latter 
with him instead, and presented it to the king, which 
incident highly pleased Wolsey, who then told Henry 
where there was a mass of money, in case of his 
necessity : this broke the bishop's heart, and he died 
in 1553. He had paid one third of the cost of build- 
ing the bridge over the Tyne at Newcastle, and 
intended several other benefactions, had he not been 
thus surprised by death, all arising from a little 
inattention. 



HS SIDNEY ANKCD0T1 

FOOLISH CONFIDENCE. 

Louis the Xlth. of France, considered a very politic 
prince, being: at war with his brother Charles, duke of 
Normandy, Francis duke of Brittany, and Charles 
duke of Burgundy, desired much to be able to detach 
the latter from the others, so that he might be the 
more able to revenge himself upon them. He soli- 
cited, therefore, an interview and conference, to 
which the duke assented, provided that it should be, 
for his own security, in one of his own towns on the 
frontiers of Flanders. The king having agreed to 
this, the meeting was appointed to be at Perronne, 
where the duke had arrived with his army. The duke 
having signed a letter of safe-conduct, sent it to 
Lewis, who, in order to gain the goodwill of, and 
show his confidence in, the duke, went to the meeting 
entirely unguarded. The duke having just heard of 
the revolt of the town of Liege, by the solicitations of 
Lewis's emissaries, and seeing his enemy now in his 
power, declared him a prisoner; nor would he release 
him until he had recovered Liege, to which he com- 
pelled Lewis to accompany him at no little risk of life. 
Having also forced from him some considerable con- 
ns in favour of his confederates, he at last set 
him at liberty. 



FOLLY. 119 

His first error was in not countermanding the agents 
whom he had employed to stir up the town of Liege 
against the duke, seeing he intended putting himself in 
his power ; and the second, that in such a case he 
put himself iuto the power of his enemy without any 
absolute necessity requiring it 



FOOLISH CONDUCT OF THE LEARNED. 

Many men, whose early lives have been spent in 
literary pursuits, have consequently not had the 
opportunity of mixing much in society, and are, there- 
fore, unacquainted with the manners and etiquette of 
the parlour or the drawing-room. 

The celebrated critic Bentley undertook a trip to 
Paris, to see the countess of Ferrers, then on a tour 
of pleasure. When he arrived, he found so much 
company with the countess, that he felt such an 
embarrassment that he could neither speak nor act at 
ease ; and feeling the unpleasantness of his situation 
not likely to be relieved, he withdrew, as awkwardly 
as he had entered. 

When he had retired, some asked the countess who 
and what he was, who, they thought, had behaved so 
ridiculously ? To which she replied, " He is so 



1*20 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

learned a man, that he can tell you what a chair 
is, in Greek and Hebrew, but he docs not know how to 
sit on one." 

Our great lexicographer Johnson was both unseemly 
in his person and manners, and enjoyed but little of 
the society of the softer sex, or of the polite world j 
perhaps the consciousness of his acknowledged supe- 
riority had some effect in his retaining that asperity 
of manner which seemed natural to him ; for even in 
the company of Mrs. Thrale, for whom he professed 
the greatest respect, he did not seem to study the art 
of politeness, for when he had helped himself to a 
piece of sugar, with his fingers, and the lady had 
ordered the basin to be exchanged, he then threw the 
cup, &c. he was using under the grate, saying, that 
he presumed any thing he had touched was of no 
farther use to her, or any one else. In his journey 
through Scotland, where he was received with distinc- 
tion, and respect for his talents, he often made him- 
self appear ridiculous, and seemed to receive the 
attentions offered him ungracefully, if not ungrate- 
fully ; and if true as related, that his appearance and 
conduct were such as to elicit the remark of Boswell's 
father, when introduced to him bv the son as " the 
great constellation of literature," that he must then 
be the Ursa Major ; His manner must have been 
either very awkward, or approaching to rudeness ; 



FOLLV. 121 

but there is such a thing as vanity in the human 
mind, from which even the most learned and the lest 
are not entirely free ! 



A FOOLISH AND INCONSIDERATE QUESTION. 

Lorenzo de Medici, being engaged in a war with 
Francis Maria duke d'Urbino, it became known to 
him and his officers, that the Spanish captains had 
treasonably resolved to deliver their duke into the 
hands of the duke of Florence. One of Lorenzo's 
captains, named Renzo de Cari, honourable, but in 
this instance indiscreet, happening to meet and talk 
with a drummer of the duke's army, he jestingly 
inquired, " When will these Spaniards deliver your 
duke prisoner? " The drummer made no reply, but, 
on his return to the camp, reported to the duke the 
suspicious question of Renzo de Cari : thus aroused, 
he narrowly watched the conduct of his captains, and 
having his suspicions further confirmed by finding 
writings and letters among their baggage, of a trea- 
sonable nature, the conspirators were committed, and 
convicted. The question of Renzo, so thoughtlessly 
put, was the cause of the death of the captains, and 



1 '2'2 s 1 1) s b \ 

failure of the conspiracy, ami it caused Lorenzo to 
consume mora time in putting an end to the war, than 
would otherwise have been necessary. 



FOOLISH LITIGANTS. 

There have been many long law-suits in former 
days, and many are now pending, which no one knows 
when they may end. A plaintiff and defendant of the 
Gloucestershire breed, viz. the heirs of Sir Thomas 
Talbot, viscount Lisle, and those of lord Berkley, 
began a suit about certain possessions near to Wotton- 
under-Edge, in Gloucester, in the reign of Edward IV. 
which was not determined until the reign of king 
James, when it was finally compounded. 



FOOLISH QUARREL. 

Two brothers, of an ancient family at Padua, 

1 dc Liniino, taking a walk together after supper 

on a summer's evening, their attention was drawn to 

the brightness and number of the stars above them, 



FOLLY. 123 

the sky being very clear. The one, in ajoke, remark- 
ed, " I wish I had as many oxen as I see stars ;" to 
which the other promptly added his wish, that he had 
" a pasture as wide as the firmament;" and turning 
to his brother, asked, " But where would you feed 
such a number of oxen ?" The other replied, " Why, 
brother, in thy pasture, to be sure." " But what if 
J would not suffer thee ?" u I would," said the other, 
" whether thou wouldst or not." " Wouldst thou in 
spite of my teeth ?" " Yea, marry would I, whatever 
thou wouldst do to the contrary." More words 
brought on rage, and they at last drew their swords, 
and set to it in right earnest; when, in the turn of a 
pass, each received the sword of the other in the 
body, and they fell. Their friends, hearing the con- 
tention, came out to their aid, but too late, for they 
found the brothers weltering in their blood, who, being 
carried into the house, very shortly afterwards 
expired. 



FOOLISH IDENTIFICATION. 

A noted highwayman, having robbed a gentleman 
on the road, found himself hotly pursued, by a party 



I.M SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

whom tho geotftemaa had met Mid informed of his 

In eider to M they happened to be better 

mounted than he was, lie dismounted, and took to his 
heels through the fields, when he came up with a man 
driving a plough ; who happening to wear a wig to 
keep his bead warm, as the robber did for disguise, he 
instantly exchanged coverings, and made the best of 

v to elude his pursuers. The party soon after, 
following the same track, came up to the ploughman, 
ami seeing the wig on his head, the gentleman de- 
clared positively he was the man, and he was hailed 
off to prison. When the day of trial came on, he was 
placed at the bar, and positively sworn to as the very 

I who had committed the robbery ; and the jury 

mis all that was stated against him, were about 
to pronounce a verdict of guilty ; but the said actual 

r being in court, begged to be heard one minute 
in the prisoner's behalf: which being granted, he 
Raid, 4< My lord and gentlemen, this person seems to 
swear more positively to the wig than to the person of 

tan ; perhaps if I were to put on the said wig, he 
-wear to nu •," at tli» mme time exchanging cover- 
ings with the prisoner. The witness, now seeing the 
10 saw him on the highway, ex- 
Thatfl the man, that is the man, my lord, 
who r " on which the robber, taking or! 



FOLLY. ISG 

the wig and offering; it to his lordship, requested the 
favour of his putting it on, when perhaps, the gentle- 
man would swear that his lordship was the robber!" 
Of course the innocent man was acquitted. 



FOOLISH PARENTS. 

In theoth chapter of Gil Bias, (by Smollett,) a rob- 
ber is made to speak contemptuously of his parents, 
thus : — " Lest study should fatigue me in my tender 
years, I was allowed to spend them in the most child- 
ish amusements ; my father observing, that children 
ought not to apply seriously to any thing, until time 
should ha\e ripened the understanding. In expecta- 
tion of this maturity, I never learned to read nor write, 
but nevertheless made good use of my time ; for, my 
father taught me a thousand different games ; I became 
perfectly acquainted with cards, was no stranger to 
dice, &c. &c." All his foibles and indecencies were 
excused ; an indulgent tutor, and others dismissed, be- 
cause they believed the tales of their son against them. 
Another procured, who gave into all his desires ; and 
he continues, " if, during my childhood, I had lived 
pretty freely, it was quite another thing when I became 
M 2 



I2(i SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

master of my own actions; I every moment ridiculed 
my parents, who did nothing but laugh at my sallies, 
which were the more agreeable, the more insolence 
they contained. Meanwhile, I committed all kinds of 
debauchery, in the company of other young men of the 
same disposition, and as our parents did not supply us 
with money sufficient to support such a delicious life, 
every one pilfered what he could at his oivn home, but 
that being also insufficient, we began to rob in the 
dark." ■. We see the sequel in almost every paper of 
the day. 



FOOLISH SUPERSTITIOUS FEARS. 

Many in this country, in the present day of the 
inarch of intellect, still entertain a foolish fear of spil- 
ling a little salt, prognosticating ill luck ; when thir- 
teen in company, one shall die before the year is out; 
a running of the candle, a winding sheet; a spark in 
it, a letter; and several other trifling incidents, — ;i^ ii 
the Almighty would adopt such silly means of warning 
r or death, when he could as easily com- 
mand, as in former times, things more important to 
the purpose of his Providence ; and to suppose 



127 



the Deity operated upon by such silly events, is, if 
possible, st\\\ more ridiculous and absurd. — See Spec- 
tator. 



FOLLY OF THE PUBLIC. 

Notwithstanding the numerous exposures of quack- 
ery, by men of education and character, it is truly 
astonishing, that so many still believe in the virtues of 
certain medicines, cordials, balsams, elixirs, and oint- 
ments, when they might be better, and more safely 
supplied, and at a cheaper rate, by a regular surgeon 
or apothecary ; but the public are so credulous in these 
cases, that they swallow any thing that is putfed off in 
the newspapers, and the vendors are foolishly encou- 
raged in their imposition on the public by the govern- 
ment, which receives a considerable revenue from the 
duties on stamps used. An advertising doctor, whose 
balsam was just appearing for the benefit of the public, 
had some difficulty in getting it into a sale ; but as he 
knew that " one fool makes many," he sent a lot of 
bottles of his stuff to Kendal, and employed an agent 
to purchase them, who stated to the bookseller, the great 
l>enefit he had received by using them ; another order 



US SIDNEY AtBCDOTES. 

e oonseqeence. He played off this trick upon 

others, nixl got the thing a nave, which it kept for 

Many other recipe* and patent stuff's, 

arc equally simple, and of no value ; but Jolin Hull ii 

! natured fool, and believes any liar that has a 
jdtt -nt. 



FOOLISH TRAVELLERS TAKEN IN. 

Two London commercial travellers, being in the 
vicinity of Gilead House, took a whim to view its inte- 
rior, and taste the Doctor's cordial, ifhe would offer any 
to them gratis, for which purpose they rang the bell at 

ite, and wore admitted. The doctor rec< 

tl:«ni \( rv graciously. They stated, they had received 

consicU rable U-ncfit from the use of his cordial, and 

the person to whom they and the 

pnhlir much Indebted. The .lew, having 

shown them his pretty little seat, he politely asked the 

>/> nt I, -mm if they would taste anything; they em- 

tlie opportunity of tasting, for the first time, 

i dial, when he placed before them one 

of hi^ 108. (id. Im.iiI. , ; this they soon dispatched, 

being simple and palatable , and said, they would 



FOLLY. 129 

thank him for another. No sooner said than done ; 
this quickly followed the other. After some little chat, 
our heroes wore about taking their departure, smiling 
at having gulled Solomon ; but they were rather in a 
brown study, when the doctor politely asked them for 
10s. 6d. " Why, doctor, you presented them to us." 
" Truly, gentlemen, I offered you one, but you order- 
ed the other."— They paid the 10s. 6d. and he had the 
grin at them. 



FOLLY OF TEMERITY. 

Euguerrand of Marigny, a man of great ability, was 
financier to Phillip the Fair, and after his death, found 
himself persecuted by Charles of Valois, who sharply 
demanding of him an account of the treasures of the 
late king, received for answer,— -"It is to you, sir, I 
have given a great part of them, and the rest h ave 
been employed in the king's affairs." The prince 
giving him the lie, he replied hastily, " By G — , sir, 
it is you yourself." This insolent rtply caused him 
to be sent to the gallows, which in his greatest power 
he had caused to be erected at Montfaucon. 



BIDNE1 \\r.( DOTES. 



POLLY or DESIRE OF POWER. 

A.GA1 . the general of the Grecian f 

red it an intolerable burden to 
Iriog, ami the commander of so great a people,— 
and Sn tfi I . ''that if men did but 

sufficiently comprehend how laborious and trouble- 
some it was but to write and read so many epistles as 
the affairs of a prince required, they would not so much 
rp to piek up a royal diadem, should they find 
one lying in the highway." 



FOLLY OF PIMT)I\ AND WISDOM < 
IH.MIL1TV. 

''ride may make a man violent, but 

humility will make him firm ; and which of the two do 

you think likely to <omc off with honour,-, he who acts 

from t tide impulse of heated blood, and fol- 

1 motives of his pride and fury; or, 

>l and reflected in himself, who 

overned by 



1:31 



them, and on every occasion acts upon the steady mo- 
tives of principle and duty? With regard to the pro- 
vocations and offences which are unavoidably happen- 
ing to a man in his commerce with the world, take it 
as a rule — as a man's pride is, so is always his displea- 
sure ; as the opinion of himself rises, so does the injury, 
so does his resentment; 'tis that which gives edge 
and force to the instrument which has struck him, and 
excites that heat in the wound which renders it incura- 
ble. The proud man acts as if every mortal was void 
of sense and feeling, yet is possessed of so nice and ex- 
quisite an one himself, that the slights, the little neg- 
lects and instances of desertion, which would be scarce 
felt by another man, are perpetually wounding him— 
there is no one weakness into which the heart of man 
is more easily betrayed, or which requires greater helps 
of good sense and yood principles to guard against" 



FOLLY OF EXPENSIVE DRESS. 

When George Villiers, duke of Buckingham, 
favourite and minion of James I., was ambassador at 
the court of Louis XIII., j.nd admitted to an audience 
of the French monarch, he had jewels on his coat, 
valued at one hundred thousand pounds. 



191 1IDNB1 ANECDOTES 

SIR WALTER RALEIGH. 

Sir Walter, who was a favourite of queen Elizabeth, 
when he appeared at court, had his shoes set with pearls 
and preeious stones; their value estimated to six thou- 
sand six hundred crowns. 



SIR JOHN ARUNDEL. 

John Arundel, with others, coming home into 
liiitain, wen all lost in a tempest, in the third year of 
Richard II. His furniture, &c, was all consigned to 
the deep, among which it is said there were two hun- 
dred and fifty new suits of apparel, made of gold cloth 
and tissue. 



CHARLES, DUKE OF BURGUNDY. 

This prince had one garment which cost the sum of 
two hundred thousand ducats, — a luxury which could 
not then be obtained or maintained but by the oppres- 
I those he governed. 



133 



FEMALE VANITY. 

A Roman lady, named Lollia Paulina, went to a 
banquet, having about her, chains, carcanets, and pre- 
cious stones, to the value of a million of gold ! Her 
father, in order to adorn his only daughter, had de- 
spoiled the Roman provinces, yet was he compelled to 
swallow poison, in the desperation of his affairs. 



MICHAEL PALFOLOGUS THE GREEK EMPE- 
ROR, AND NUGAS THE SCYTHIAN 
MONARCH. 

When the emperor sent a present of certain rich 
robes to Nugas, he inquired of those who brought them, 
" Nunquam calamitates, morbas, mortemque depel- 
lere possent?"— - Whether they could drive away cala- 
mities, sickness and death? For, in his opinion, if 
they could not, they were not of much importance or 
value. 



1.1 1 



DEMETRIUS' CLOAK. 



The Dcnutrius, us well as his garments, 

d ovci with purple and gold, and hisCLOA.1 

10 richly woven with representation! of the world and 

ITS, that no k i n Lr after him ventured to appear 

in it, to excite the envy of others, being so magnificent 

trainable. 



A ROMAN IMLKTC)K\S CLOAKS. 

. intending to make as magnificent a show 

as he could, sent to borrow of Lucullus a number of 

i, who answered, be would see how many he had, 

and next lay sent to know how many were wanted : 

ne hundred would suffice, he desired them 

p hundred. Horace (epistle 6) says five 

•arcely imagine the necessity of so many 
i, only it appears from Martial, that at their pub- 
r nKih Etonians often changed their 
• utatiously to display their variety. 



FOLLV. 13*3 

Tmiccies una surrexti Zoile ccena 
Et mutata tibi est Scynthesis undocics. 

Eleven times didst thou arise, O Zoilus, at one supper, 
And thou didst change thy mantle, also, eleven times. 

We wonder if our modern Romeo can boast of such 
variety, either for stage or private use. 



THB CREEKS, AND THE EMPEROR 
HENRY THE FIFTH. 

The emperor Henry, having conquered Sicily and 
Naples, about the year 1197, turned his thoughts 
upon Greece; and sent an embassy to Alexius Angelas, 
the Greek emperor, demanding a large sum as a tribute ; 
threatening war, in case of refusal. Alexius, hearing 
of the arrival of the embassy and their mission, thought 
he would command their reverence by a splendid dis- 
play of his riches, and ordered his nobles to attend him 
in their richest dresses and jewels ; himself covered, 
from head to foot, with dazzling splendour. 

This gorgeous display, far from exciting a dread in the 
minds of the Germans,only inflamed their desire for the 
combat, that they might enrich themselves with the 



136 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

spoil of their vain rivals ; who pointing to their 
emperor, said, " See how he appears, like a flowery 
meadow," &c. to which the Germans made answer, 
that they were not affected by the feminine display ; 
and the time was now come, when the Grecians must 
change their gold for iron ; for, unless their message 
was favourably answered, they must fight with men, who 
did not glory in their embroidered garments, as pea- 
cocks in their feathers ; hut with the sons of Mars, who 
could carry sparkles in their eyes, and whose sweat 
drops should resemble orient pearls ! These words had 
an alarming effect upon the effeminate Greeks ; but 
the death of Henry, which took place soon after, pre- 
vented them from proceeding to hostilities, as they so 
anxiously desired ! 



FOLLY OF THE ENGLISH IN DRESS. 

An Italian painter, named Lucas de Keer, who 
resided in England in the time of Elizabeth, was 
ordered by that princess to depict the character of the 
i h dresses. Being a man of some humour, he 

drew the figure of a man, in a state of nakedness, with 
a number of pieces of various coloured cloths, strewed 



l-.U.LV. 137 

around him ; in his hand was a pair of scissors, and a 
label hung from his mouth, on which was inscribed these 
words : — 

" I am an Englishman, and naked I stand h< 
Musing in my mind, what garment I shall w< 

Elizabeth was much pleated with, and commended 
his wit, and rewarded him liberally. 



A FOOLISH TYPOGRAPHER REPROVED, 

uilkiiLT the printer, return a visit 

to London, waited npoo Dean Swift, dressed in a 
laced waistcoat, and with a i 

. and with great ceremony ; 
and asked him, u Pray s sir, what are your commands 
with me?" — To which plied, M I thought it 

niv duty, sir, to wait up«'n you, on my arrival from 
London," — "Pray, sir, who arc you?"— M G 
Faulkner, the printer, sir." — " You, George Faulkner, 
the printer' -Why, you impudent, barefaced- 
did ' I a plain, sober < iti/< n, and 

would iKvii trick himself out in lace and oth< 
M 2 



13$ SIDNEY AM.CDOTES. 

. Get yoti gone, you rascal, or I will send you 
Immediately to the House of Correction. " ---Away 
went the printer, as fast as his legs could carry him 

. where having changed his court dress to that of 
a lm>iuess one, he returned to the Dean, who received 
him now very cordially; saying, " My friend George, 
I am glad to see you return safe from London ;---why, 
here lias been an impudent fellow with me just now, 

I in a laced waistcoat, and he would fain pass 
himself otf for you ; but I sent him away with a flea in 
hit ear." 



RUSSIAN SUPERSTITION. 

A recent traveller relates, that the town of Kiev, 
which contained, in the ninth century, 400 churches, 
H market places, and a very numerous population, is 
ithout these signs of magnificence, although 
still large, regularly built and populous, and chief of 
hid so named. The catacombs more particu- 
larly show the wreck of corroding time: " these," he 
add*, u many thousands of infatuated people in the 
in empire, goon foot to visit every year. The 
preparation for descending into this repository of the 



FOLLY. 139 

dead was more solemn than the scene itself; for the 
monk accompanying us related such incredible and 
ridiculous stories of the saints whose relics lay there, 
that we must have had a more than common share 
of credulity to have believed them. Every person 
going down into these vaults purchases a wax ta- 
per, and having lighted it, in solemn silence follows 
the monk, who, as he conducts the visitors through 
these vaulted sepultures of the dead, opens the coffin 
lid, unfolds the shroud, and tells the name of the 
saint enshrined in that repository; no part of the 
body is to be seen, of course the flesh is all wasted, 
and the bones only remain perfect, from having been 
constantly kept from the air; the face and hands are 
commonly covered with gold or silver tissue or bro- 
cade ; a cap is placed on the head, of the same mate- 
rial. Several cells are shown, where, they say, 
monks, in a vow of penance, have had themselves 
nailed up, and only a little window left, at which they 
received daily their bread and water, and there 
remained until their deaths. In one of the cells are 
twelve masons who built the church, and then entered 
as monks into the monastery. In another place you 
are shown the body, or rather the head and shoulders 
of a man stuck in the ground : in a vow of penance 
he dug a hole, in which he placed himself, standing, 



I i<> MHMV WKdiull 

with hi* hands by his sides, and then had the hole 
filled, so that only his head and a little below the 
shoulders eoiild 1 « seen ; here he lived, they say, 
fifttt 11 yeart, having food and drink brought to him, 
and a lamp eontinually burning by his side : they 
still allow him a lamp, which burns day and night con 
tinually, though he has been dead six or seven hun- 
dred years; this, however, they can well afford to 
do, as he brings a considerable share of the riches of 
the convent. 

The cap he wears is supposed to work miracles, 
and restore the sick ; accordingly, hundreds come to 
ma, and wear his cap, which is fre- 
quently the undoubted means of restoring health, 
though not in the way that enthusiasm and credulity 
lie, but by the simjtlc process of being the cause 
ot tin ir taking unusual exercise in the open air, and 
■IflO (i ti in jit nun « not habitual to them. I should not 
omit to mention, that St. Antonia is said to sink a 
Itttlr lower in tin- ground every year, and that the 
\v.»rld is t<» be at end by the time he entirely disap- 
' the wonder* which they relate, this 
d as the greatest; and if time, 
does not annihilate the 
, St. Antonia will probably 



FOLLY. Ml 

not disappear while he continues so instrumental to 
the well-doing of his brethren. 

Having so particularly mentioned the merits of 
this saint, let me do justice to the others also, and 
state, that all have their votaries, and that money 
lay scattered in every coffin, as if the " Golden age" 
had returned, and man no longer continued to heap 
sordid gold, or require its aid to help him to the com- 
forts of life. It is reckoned, that from sixty to a 
hundred thousand pilgrims, from all parts of the 
Russian empire, visit the monastery of Kiev, in one 
year, and the revenue the monks derive from the sale 
of wax candles is alone sufficient to furnish food for 
the establishment. " 



A FOOLISH BOASTER, 

About Knowledge of Great Things, puzzled with the 
Knowledge of the Least. 

The heretic Eunaminus boasted, that he perfectly 
understood the nature of God ; while, at the same 
time, he was puzzled by St. Basil, in twenty-one 
questions concerning the body of an ant. 



142 



POO] ISH CHOICE OF A COUNSELLOR 



The emperor Caligula entertained such a high 
(•pinion of his horse Sniffy that he had it to sup with 
him j eating his provender out of golden vessels, and 
drinking wine also out of goblets of the same metal ; he 
usually swore by his health and fortune, and promised 
that he should be ma.de consul ; which would have 

. had the horse lived. He made him jniest and 
iguewith himself in the pontificate. He pro- 
vided a house, family, and servants, &c. for it, and a 
stable of marble, with an ivory manger ;-- his capari- 
sons ami harness were of purple, and a jewel of pre« 
hung at his poictrel f 

Suetonius. 



H:i 



A FOOLISH NARRATOR EXPOSED. 

Some persons are so foolish as to suppose all others 
are like unto themselves, else would they not dare to 
insult our understandings by narrations which they 
know are lies y and none but fools could believe. One, 
who had travelled a little, thinking he might take a 
liberty of this kind, told his hearers, that among other 
things of magnitude, he saw a cabbage tree, the 
branches of which covered an extent of several acres, 
under which an army might have been protected from 
the heat of the sun. 

Having ended his wonderful tale, a gentleman beg- 
ged the attention of the company for a few seconds, 
while he gave them an account of a wonderful thing 
he had seen in the same quarter of the world; and 
very gravely stated, that being in that part of the globe 
about the same time, he was crossing a plain, and heard 
a great noise, which increased as he advanced, as of 
hammers at work. On his near approach, he saw se- 
veral ladders laid against the side of a bright lofty wall, 
which he had the curiosity to ascend. 

On looking over, he perceived a number of men at 
work, far below, and around ; and now found that the 



144 SIDNEY ANECDOil 

article he was examining, was circular. Curiosity 
induced him to inquire of one of the workmen, what 
thry were making; who told him, it was a huge 
copper. The wonder of the first story teller, being 
d, lie quickly asked, u what could such a huge 
copper be intended for ? " Why," says the other, " they 
told me, it was to boil the large cabbages you, saw 
growing, and now told us of !" 



A FOOLISH FLIGHT. 

A person having some knowledge of machinery, 
thought of a flight in the upper regions ; for which 
purpose, he set about the construction of a pair of 
Having finished such a pair as he thought 
would serve his purpose, he gate out, that on a certain 
day, he would take a flight from the church steeple. 
And as any tiling, now a-days, however strange and un- 
likely, is certain of obtaining credit with the crowd, a 
number had assembled to witness the flight of 
tail flying man. On his program to the church, one 
of the lookers-on, a little more considerate than the 
others, ventured a hint, that he had as well try first to 
fly up to the steeple, be/ore he ventured a flight down- 



POLLY. Mo 

iwrds. Tli is had not before struck the mind of the 
airy aspirant, and the impracticability of the one 
alarmed him of the danger of the other, so that he 
turned round, and slunk home to re-consider of his 
voyage in the thin element. 



FOLLY OF MANY IN THEIR CHARITIES. 

It hath been a practice in times past, is non-, and 
we believe ever shall be, for men to bestow charity 
without a due discrimination. Some give because they 
are pressed to it, and have not the courage to resist 
importunity; others are flattered by the object soli- 
citing; many give from ostentation, because they are 
solicited by the great, and will see their names exhi- 
bited in the list with the royal, and noble, and rich. 
But that person is truly charitable, who, having a 
knowledge of the illness, poverty, and necessities of 
others, kindly affords them the relief that is best suited 
to their condition: who "does good by stealth, and 
blushes to find it fame." — A story of times past informs 
us that begging and imposition were not then uncom- 
mon. Camerarius relates a Story from Jodocus Dam- 
houd : He was sitting before the gate of the senate- 

vol r. o 



1 Mi STDNEV ANECDOTES. 

, with some senators of Bruges, when a beggar 
presented himself, expressing his miserable poverty 
with tears and pitiful gestures, adding, that he was 
afflicted with a private disease, which shame prevented 
him from discovering to the eye. Sympathising with 
the man, who appeared sadly distressed, they all con- 
tributed, and gave him some relief, when he took his 

lure. 
of the party had a desire to learn the nature of 
the private disorder with which the poor man was 
afflicted, and humanely sent his servant after him to 
inquire. When the servant found him, beseemed still 
loath to reveal the secret infirmity, but on examining 
his face, hands, breasts, arms, &c. and finding all 
about him in health and whole, he asked him of what 
he could possibly complain. " Alas," said the mendi- 
cant, " the disease with which 1 am afflicted is such 

i cannot see, nor have a ri^ht conception of; it 
hath crept over my whole body, it hath passed through 

ins and marrow, so that there is not one member 

of my body able to perform any labour— by some, my 

• ailed Idleness and Sloth!" The servant 

felt Angry, and returned with the account, which 

: their mirth, but on their sending to inquire 

,:. hi u.is not to be found. 



117 



A FOOLISH CHALLENGER ANSWERED. 

The Reverend John Carter, vicar of Bramford in 
Suffolk, an excellent scholar but a modest man, being 
at dinner with a party, among whom were some other 
clergymen, at the house of a magistrate at Ipswich, one 
of the latter, from whose years and education one 
would have looked for more discretion, talked much, 
and boasted of his powers and acquirements, ending 
with this challenge: "Here are many learned men, 
if any of you will propose any question in divinity or 
philosophy, I will dispute with him, resolve his doubts, 
and satisfy him fully 1" Mr. Carter, seeing that no 
one else would enter the lists, very coolly accosted him 

by name. " Mr. , I will go no further than my 

trencher to puzzle you. Here is a sole ; now tell me 
the reason why this fish, that has always lived in salt 
water, should come ontfresh . ? " The froward gentle- 
man could make no reply, and was laughed out of his 
vain conceit of himself. 



I l> SIDNEY \M:t DOTES. 



BOASTING OF RICHEK REPROVED. 

Aleibiades, in his youth, boasting of his riches and 
lands in the hearing of Socrates, that philosopher took 
him into a room where there hung a map of the world. 
u Now," said Socrates, "where is the County of At- 
tica r" Aleihiades having pointed it out, " Lay, then, 
your finger on your own lands there." Alcibiades 
stating that they were not there described,—" What, 
then," said the philosopher, u do you boast yourself 
of that which is no part of the earth ?" 



FOOLISH BOASTER i A HINT THAT UK LILD. 

A \ oculist 0/ our own nation, who thouyht he could 

1 well ;i> I5raham or Incledon, happening to be 

complimented on the power of his voice, when treating 

company with a stave or two, his vanity 

eight, when he expreaied his acknow- 

adding, that he could make anything of his 

of the party who had observed the mi 

..lured the hint, that he had 
; make a goml pair of breeches of it. 



149 



FOOLISH BOASTING OF POxMPEY THE GREAT. 

Pompey boasted, when the news of Caesar's having 
passed the Rubicon reacned Rome, that if he should 
but stamp with one foot on the earth of Italy, forth- 
with there would start up from thence troops of horse 
and foot in arms ! Yet did he flee shamefully before 
the enemy he so much contemned. 



FOLLY OF TOO CONFIDENT ANTICIPATION 
RIDICULED. 

On the occasion of the defeat of the famous invin- 
cible Spanish armada, two medals were struck, one 
with the device of a fleet flying under sail, with the 
motto, u venit, vidit^fuyit ; n the other intended more 
particularly to honour the queen, represented fire- 
ships, and a fleet in the utmost confusion, having this 
motto, •' dux fcemina facti." The wits of Rome 
would not spare even the head of the church on this 
occasion, for they affixed to the statue of Pasquin the 
following sarcastic notice : — " Pontificem mille anno- 
rum, indulgentias largiturum esse de plenitudine 
o 2 



l.'jd 






; indicaTerit quid sit 
factum mica, quo abicrit ; in columnt 

sublata, an ad tartara detrusa, va in acra alicum 
n in aliquo man Auctuet;" — id est, " The 
in the inexhaustible plenitude of his power, 
will grant indulgences for a thousand years to any- 
one who shall bring him certain intelligence what has 
'. whither it was gone, 
whether it was snatched up to heaven, or thrust down 
to hell ; whether hanging in the air, or driving about 
in any part of the ocean !" 



FOLLY OF A KING IN NOT HEARING THK 
TRUTH. 

RudolphuSj king of the Heruli, being at war with 

king of the Lombards, committed his army to 

ip tains, while he remained in his tent, jesting 

le. When about to join battle, he sent one to 

] the fortune of tie battle, 

i, that if he should be the bearer of unwel- 

■ id. The scout 

the Heruli begin to the, dared not to carry the 

, hut also Bed to save hit own head, 



FOLLY. 151 

now in danger both ways ; by which means the foolish 
Rudolph, and all his attendants, were sui prised in 
their tent, and put to death ! 



FOOLISH PROPENSITY. 

We lately read of the transportation of a person, in 
a respectable situation of life in the capital of the 
sister kingdom, for exercising his ingenuity in ab- 
stracting various articles from shops, and houses where 
he professionally visited: these articles he did not 
want, and did not seem to have used many of them ; 
but so powerful was the propensity to self- appropri- 
ation, that he had a large camlet cloak prepared, full 
of pockets, to receive whatever he could conveniently 
carry away. 

Such instances are more numerous than many arc 
aware of, and in most cases they appear to arise from 
an aberration of intellect, rather than from dishonesty 
of principle ; while some appear to have no other 
motive than the mere gratification which a monkey, 
or the clown in the pantomime, appears to feel, in 
playing a foolish or mischievous trick. We have 
heard of one gentleman who generally carried off with 



IIDNET ANFCDOTES. 

him sonic of the silver spoons, &o. from the house 
where he hatl .lined ; hut this propensity in him being 
known, the friend who had lost any thing, had only 
to go and search his closet and take his own back 
i, and say nothing more ahout it : in some cases, 
when nil friends knew where he had dined, they would 
of their own accord restore them, and he seemed to 
take no more interest in the goods after he had suc- 
ceeded in carrying them off. We also knew of a case 
in which a lady in an interesting situation, while 
sojourning for a time at the house of a friend, concealed 
in her own little chest whatever trifles she could lay her 
hands on, but the chest never being locked, the good 
people of the house looked into it daily, and took out 
whatever belonging to them was placed in it, and 
sometimes the same articles were abstracted twice or 
in one day without remark from either party. 
We question if this lady was really a thief, and have 
no doubt that some are punished with the utmost seve- 
rity of the law, who are fitter objects for being inmates 
of a lunatic asylum. 



FOLLV. ioS 



FOOLISH ANTIQUARY. 

Pichler, a celebrated gem engraver, laboured bard 
upon a beautiful stone, hoping to produce a gem in imi- 
tation of the antique. He had just finished, when 
the stone was missing: his apprentice was suspected, 
but he had no proof of the fact of his being the thief. 
Alfani, a noted antiquary of Rome, called shortly 
afterwards upon Piehler, to show him a valuable gem 
which he had recently bought for fifty sequins, of 
Christiani who had it from a countryman, as he re- 
ported, who found it while ploughing. Pichler was 
surprised when he discovered it to be his own, and 
asked Alfani if he was sure of its being an antique? 
" No doubt, no modern could exhibit ^uch perfection." 
Pichler felt gratified with this commendation of his 
production, but still retained the secret in his own 
breast. Alfani called some time after, and told 
Pichler that he was about setting off for Paris, where 
he had no doubt some connoisseur would give him a 
good priee for the gem ; at the same time he a-ked 
Pichler if he could not engrave one so as to pass for 
an original. This the artist engaged to do, and pro- 
duced an exact imitation of his own work, for which 
Alfani paid him forty sequins. These the virtuoso 



\'A S1DNEV ANECDOTES. 

took to Paris, and sold both as originals to two emi- 
nent collector* The two purchasers happening to 
shortly after, the one exclaimed, exultingly, 
M Here ia a valuable antique I have lately bought !" 
44 True!" answered the other; " 1 perceive you 
bought a copy of the original on my finger, which I 
purchased of Alfani." "Nonsense!" rejoined the 
other; 44 mine is the original, and yours is the copy." 
Angry words passed, and a bet to a good amount was 
laid, to be decided by Pichler, to whom the two gems 
■eat for his opinion. His answer was, " You 
may draw your bets, fori was the engraver of both." 
Pilcher found out, after this, that his own appren- 
had stolen it, .and employed a countryman to 
dispose of the gem to Christiani, as an antique he had 
found in the earth,— a fraudulent practice not unfre- 
quent in Italy. 



FOOLISH VANITY REPROVED. 

Rowe, the poet, was not very particular in his dress 
and appearance, but very vain in being taken notice 
of by persons of rank and title. Being a frequenter 
of the Wit's Coffee House, the Cocoa Tree, St. James 



FOLLY". 166 

Street, where also doctor Garth was a constant visi'or ; 
he came in one morning, and finding the doctor enga- 
ged in conversation with two persons of rank, he placed 
himself in a box opposite ; in order, if possible, to catch 
the attention of the doctor and his companions : not 
finding himself taken notice of, he called the waiter, 
and sent him to the doctor for his snuff-box, which he 
knew was of value, being set with diamonds, the gift of 
a foreign prince ; this he returned and sent for so 
often, that Garth, perceiving the vain intention of the 
poet, took out his pencil, and wrote on the lid two 
Greek characters, <j> p (phi rho,) which Rowe per- 
ceiving the next time he took the box in his hand, he 
felt so humbled, that he immediately left the room. 



FOOLISH VANITY OF NAPOLEON. 

When Buonaparte was at Schoenbrunn, he occa- 
sionally amused himself with a game at vingt et un. 
One evening, having been fortunate and won a small 
sum, he boastingly shook the pieces in his hand, saying, 
"The Germans love these little Napoleon's, don't 
they?" " Y< s," answered general Rapp, "they do, 
sire, but they arc not at all fond of the great one." 






OOLISH FRENCH MARQUIS EXPOSED BY 
Wli RUSSIAN. 

Th€ Swiss doctor, Michael Sehuppach, who lived at 
.m, in the Em men thai, was much resorted to in 
it century by persons of all ranks, from France, 
Germany, and more distant countries. On one occa- 
linn, he had in his laboratory several French ladies 
ntlemen, and a Russian prince, with his fail and 
beautiful daughter. A French marquis, to amuse the 
. as lie thought, made several attempts to pass his 
up<»n the doctor, hut the Swiss physician gene- 
rally turned the laugh against the marquis ; who find- 
in.: himself foiled, was pleased when he saw an old 
gentleman, with a long grey heard, and plainly dn 

the laboratory. The doctor left the exalted 

my without ceremony, to prcscrihe for the wife 

of his old acquaintance, who awaited the mixture of the 

preparation. Our marquifl now turned his wit to the 

old man's white beard, and offered a het of twelve 

Tors, that not a lady in company would venture 

How The heautiful Russian, hearing 

used her attendant to hring a plate, 

into which she put twelve louisd'ors, when it was liand- 

arquis, who, «■: ompelled to 

sian beauty then 



roLur. 137 

approached the venerable peasant, and respectfully 
asked permission to salute him after the fashion of 
her country, and gave him a hearty kiss ; then pre- 
senting him the gold on the plate, she added : " Take 
this, venerable father, as a remembrance of me, and 
as a token that the Russian girls think it a duty to 
honour old acce." 



FOOLISH SPEECH OF HARBOTTLE 
GRIMSTONE. 

A bill for abolishing Episcopacy having been brought 
into the House of Commons at the breaking out of 
the civil wars, Mr. Harbottle Grimstone, one of its 
most zealous advocates, thus gravely argued : " That 
archbishops are not jure divino, is no question ; ergo, 
whether archbishops, who are not jure divino, should 
suspend ministers who are jure dilino, I leave to you, 
Mr. Speaker !" To which foolish reasoning, the learn- 
ed Selden wittily replied : " That parliaments are not 
jure divino, is out of the question ; that religion is jure 
divino, is beyond dispute. Now, whether parliaments, 
which unquestionably are hot jure divino, should med- 
dle with religion, which, without doubt, is jure divino, 
J leave to you, Mr. Speaker." 






138 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

THE FOOLISH COURTIERS OF KING CANUTE. 

The foolish courtiers of King Canute, who would 
tade him, if they could, of his invincible power, 
which, they fawningly said, extended both over land 
and sea, had their folly completely exposed, when he 
ordered them to attend him on the shore near South- 
ampton. Being seated on a throne on the sands, 
he commanded the rising tide not to dare to ap- 
proach him ; but the proud waves assailed the royal 
scat, a* lie wisely knew they would, and the courtiers 
stood abashed, if not convinced, when he reproved 
them for their foolish adulation. 



FOOLISH CONFIDENCE IN, AND TREACHERY 
OF, A JEALOUS BROTHER. 

Aga Mohamed Khan, who established his authority 

ovei his own tribe, the Cajars, in 1779, and soon after 

extended his dominions on the banks of the Caspian, is 

had a heart as hard as his body, which by 

and exereise, although otherwise slender, 

tide of any fatigue; but his con- 



F" 3 




Four. lo9 

duct towards liis brother, Jafer Culi Khan, will best 
develope his true character. This chief had declined 
appearing at court, for some time after his brother's 
elevation. 

The most pressing entreaties, the most solemn 
assurances of safety, were lavished, to induce him to 
repair to Tahiran, and the government of Ispahan 
was to be the reward of compliance. When he reached 
Tahiran, he was welcomed with every appearance of 
cordiality, and the night passed in peace. Next day 
Mohamed Khan, after giving him some instruc- 
tions regarding his conduct at Ispahan, observed,--- 
" You have not, I believe, yet looked at my new 
palace, walk therewith Baba Khan, (nephew of Aga,) 
and after you have seen it, return to me." He went 
to look at it, and at the moment he entered the portico, 
some assassins, who had been stationed there, fell upon 
him, and slew him. The body was carried to Aga 
Mohamed Khan, who mourned over it with the appear- 
ance of the most frantic grief. He desired Baba Khan, 
(then quite a youth,) to approach ; when near, he 
bade him observe the corpse of the bravest of 
men, and the best of brothers. Then loading the 
young prince with abuse, he exclaimed, " It is for you 
I have done this. The gallant spirit, that lately ani- 
mated that body, would never have permitted my crown 



|<><) SIDNEY *NKCPOTI>. 

to have rested upon your bead ; Persia would have been 
distracted with internal wars. ---To avoid these abate* 
qneneea, I have aeted with shameful ingratitude ; and 
nave sinned deeply against God and Man!" "These 

sentiments," adds General Malcolm," might have been 
sincere ; the public expression of them had the effect 
ef mitigating the universal horror at this murder." 



TOLLY OF TRUSTING TO APPEARANCES. 

Muhamed Khan, though long in possession of 
, had not yet hecn invested with the 
tiara. After the conquest of Georgia* he yielded 
with well-dissembled reluctance to the entreaties of 
nil courtiers j but* said he, " Recollect, that if I do, 
your toils are only commencing ; for I cannot con- 
sent to wear the Persian crown, without as much power 
i enjdyeu l»y the greatest sovereigns of that 
country !"— Malcolm. 



FOLLY". ]61 



FOOLISH REASONING. 

Ferguson, the self-taught astronomer, having met 
with a rigid Calvinist in a stage coach, they having no 
one else to speak to, began to converse j but his com- 
panion constantly resorted to his favourite topic, 
quoting scripture at random, and exclaiming, " Is not 
that scripture ?"— Ferguson, whose patience got ex- 
hausted, then told his fellow-traveller, that according to 
his method of confirmation, he could prove the lawful- 
ness of Suicide." "How so?" queried the logician. 
"Why," answered the astronomer, " Judas went and 
hanged himself; is not that scripture ?---Go and do thou 
likewise ; is not that scripture ?"— Silence ensued. 



FOOLISH SEVERITY, A CURIOUS 
RETALIATION OF. 

The monks, in the great convent of Capuchins, at 
Ascoli, in 1761, having for a trivial aftair severely 
punished their cook, he had recourse to a singular mode 
of retaliation, which occasioned much merriment all 
over Italy. 

p2 



Ml SIDNE1 IMTiMI I 

With the sauce for supper, he contrived to mix up a 
quantity of opium ,• and they were soon all sound 
■sleep. While in this unconscious state, he proceed- 
ed to rid the chins of their reverences of their flowing 
beards ; and took his flight before they awoke in the 
morning. The superior, and all the monks, were con- 
sequently obliged to confine themselves close to their 
convent, until their chins appeared decently adorned, 
- to enable them to shew themselves in public. 



A FOOL'S WITTY JEST. 

im Khan reigned over Persia, until the year 
177*.), when he died, aged nearly eighty years. 
Under his aaspieiatu 

inhabitants of his favourite and favoured 

Mil their leisure hours in the society 

D- faced da 1 the goblet circulated, and 

in every breast Writing 

was an accomplishment which this justly celebrated 

chiefi ml lie ntained through life the 

"I !,i- native tribe (the Persian tribe of Zund), 

whi'h. for it^ rudeness, is universally denominated by 

the other inhabitants, the barbarous dialect. One 



FOLLV. 163 

day, as this prince was sitting in public, he commanded 
his jester (a necessary appendage to a Persian court) 
to go and bring him word, what a dog, which was 
barking very loud, wanted. The court smiled at this 
sally of the monarch. The jester went, as desired, and 
after appearing to listen for some time wkh profound 
attention, he returned, and said, with a grave air, 
u Vour majesty must send one of the chief officers of 
your onn family, to report what that gentleman 
he speaks no language, except the barbarous dialect, 
with which they are familiar, but of whieh I do not 
understand one word." The good-humoured monarch 
laughed heartily at this ridicule of his tribe, and gave 
the wit a present.— Malcolm's Persia, 



FOOLISH POLICE. 

The same Carim Khan was on the point of rising 
from the seat of judgment, after a long and fatiguing 
attendance, when a man rushed forward, in apparent 
distraction, calling aloud for justice, as he had been 
robbed. " Who are you," saic 1 Carim Khan. ; ' 1 am a 
merchant," replied the man. " What were you about" 
said the prince, u when you were robbed?" " I was 



161 MliNEY ANECDOTES. 

asleep," answered the man. " And why did you sleep?" 
exclaimed Carim, in a peevish and impatient tone. 
." said the undaunted Persian, "I made a 
mistake, I thought you were awake." The irrita- 
tion of the royal juuge vanished in an instant ; turning 
to ail visier, he hade him pay the amount of the man's 
, from the treasury, adding, " WE must try to re- 
eover this mouey from the robbers." — Malcolm. 



FOOLISH CONDUCT REPENTED OF. 

Carin Khan, often related a story of himself, that 

when a poor soldier, in Nadir Shah's camp, necessity 

induced him to steal, from a saddler, a gold embossed 

saddle, which had been sent by an Afghan chief to be 

repaired. He soon afterwards learnt, that the man 

in »m whom he had taken it was in prison, and sen- 

• hung, and he thus added, " my conscience 

HMtf me, and I replaced the saddle exactly on the 

place from whence 1 took it. I watched until it was 

■ red l>y the eaddler'i wife, who, on seeing it, gave 

iin of joy, fell down upon her knees, and prayed 

aloud, that the person who had brought it back might 

live to have a hundred gold embossed saddles. I am 



FOLLY. 16.3 

quite certain ," lie added, smiling, " that the honest 
prayer of the old woman has aided my fortune in the 
attainment of that splendour which she desired I 
should enjoy." — Malcolm. 



FOOLISHNESS OF PROLIX TRANSLATORS, &e. 

Le Sieur Galland, having translated the two first 
volumes of the Arabian Nights, displeased many readers 
of taste, by the frequent repetition of the questions and 
answers of Scheherazade and Dinarzade. In order to 
ridicule this prolixity, a few young men thought of 
teasing him in the middle of a cold frosty night. They 
met opposite his window, and making a great noise, he 
soon appeared at the window, in his shirt, and began to 
remonstrate with them. When they had annoyed him 
some time, one of them addressed the shivering trans- 
lator: " Dear sister, if you be not asleep, I pray you, 
till break of day, which is near at hand, go on with 
that agreeable story which you began." Finding his 
own words thus unmercifully used against him, he 
again sought his pillow. The remaining volumes 
were, consequently, published without these frequent 
repetitions. 



166 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 



FOOLISH THREAT OF XERXES. 

Xerzefl made a bridge of boats over the Hellespont, 
in order to transport his large army from Asia to 
Europe ; but a tempest having destroyed it, he became 
enraged, and sent a cartel of defiance to the sea, and 
commanded his servants to give it three hundred 
stripes, and to throw fetters into it, in order to bind it 
to future good behaviour, and also hot irons to brand 
it with ignominy. His officers were instructed thus to 
address the powerful element: " O thou unruly water, 
thy lord hath appointed thee this punishment, for thou 
hast wronged him who deserved it not of thee; but 
whether thou wilt or not, he is resolved to pass over 
thee, nor shall any man hereafter sacrifice unto thee, 
as being a dwecitful and bitter river." 



FOOLISH POSTHUMOUS HONOURS. 

Polianhus the Athenian, when any of the dogs or 

i that he particularly loved, happened to die, was 

10 foolish as to honour them with a public funeral, and 

buried them with great pomp, accompanied by his 



FOLLV. 167 

friends, whom he invited on the solemn occasion. After- 
wards he caused monumental pillars to be erected, on 
which were engraven their epitaphs. — JElimn, 



FOLLY OF USELESS ENTERPRISES TO OBTAIN 
NOTORIETY. 

Sesostris, king of Egypt, like many of his ancestors, 
sought to give himself eternal fame by wonderful and 
useless undertakings. The great ditch which had been 
cut at incredible expence, from Arsinoe to Cairo, 
(eighty miles) capable of receiving vessels of consider- 
able burden, he purposed to have made both deeper 
and wider, so as to have let the Red Sea into the Medi- 
terranean, but death prevented him. Afterwards, 
Ptolemeus was about making the same attempt, but 
some of his skilful advisers persuaded him to abandon 
the project, lest, as they said, by letting the great In- 
dian Sea run into the Mediterranean, he should there- 
by deluge the greater part of Greece, &c. and, instead 
of purchasing glory by the great work, obtain eternal 
disgrace. The folly of the undertaking was only sur- 
passed by the ridiculous fear of those wise advisers. 

Knowles* Turkish History. 



ftlDNEI \M ( DOTES. 



CLAUDIUS CAESAR. 



This emperor had a whim to drain the Fucine Lake, 
winch he thought he eould do at small cost, and in a 
short space of time, to his immortal honour. In this 
he felt the mere encouraged, as some private individuals 
made offers of bearing the expense, provided they had 
the grant of the drained lands as a recompense. In 
this labour he employed, without intermission, thirty 
thousand men, for eleven years, and by levelling and 
digging in the mountain, he at last, with great diffi- 
culty, finished his proposed channel, for the space of 
three miles ! 



NECO, KING OF EGYPT. 

Some of the kings of Egypt having intended to make 

a na\ i from the river Nilus to the Red 

led so far as to cut to the length of four 

;iml b r o a d enough to allow two galleys to 

pass safely; but all their labour and expence was in 

vain, for the attempt failed. It is stated, that in the 



FOLLV. 169 

reign of Neco only, about one hundred and twenty 
thousand Egyptians perished in the undertaking. 



VANITY OF A ROYAL FEMALE. 

The states of Holland having sent an emba- 
queen Elizabeth, one of the gentlemen in the suite of 
the ambassador, at their first audienee, remarked t<> one 
of the English gentlemen attendants, that they who 
spoke disrespectfully of the queen's beauty, did her 
much injustice ; that he considered her majesty a very 
charming woman, and he should feel happy to have 
such a female for his wife. Elizabeth, who particularly 
noticed the splendid retinue of the ambassador, sent 
for the English gentleman after the audience, and com* 
manded him, as he valued her favour, to relate what 
the Dutchman had said to him. But he tried to evade 
the ajpswer, by saying, that the conversation was of a 
trifling nature. The queen persisted, and the gentle- 
man at last told her all that the Dutchman had said. 
This seemed so pleasing to Elizabeth, that she pre- 
sented the ambassadors with a golden chain, valued at 
800 crowns, and to each of their attendants one of 100 



17l» KIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

crowns value ; yet more particularly signalizing; the 
gallant Dutchman who had so complimented her, by 
giving him a chain of the value of 1000 crowns, which 
he wove about his neck the remaining part of his life ! 



FOLLY OF A PAINTER AND A POET. 

Sir Godfrey Kneller was exceedingly fond of being 
flattered ; and unlike many others, freely admitted the 
truth of it. Mr. Pope, sitting by him at one time, 
when he was painting a portrait, sir Godfrey said to 
him, — " I can't do as well as I should do, unless you 
flatter me a little : pray flatter me a little, Mr. Pope ; 
you know 1 love to be flattered !" Mr. Pope, in order 
to gratify his desire, appeared to examine the perform- 
ance very minutely, and cooly remarked, — "The Scrip- 
tell us, that God made man in his own image; 
but if He were to make man now, He would certainly 
copy from that." If the poet really meant as he paid* 
a most irreverent comparison ; but the knight 
irulped down the fulsome adulation, and remarked, that 
Mr. Pope was correct in his observation ' 



171 



TOLLY OF A FANATIC. 

The Marquis of Ormonde, when at Orleans in France, 
had occasion to have some repairs done to his wig, and 
called at a peruquiei's for that purpose. The master 
being lame, both in his feet and hands, gave it to his 
sister to do the necessary repairs, and the marquis 
being accommodated with another wig in the mean 
time, took a stroll through the streets, and accidentally 
stepping into an adjoining church, he perceived a cha- 
pel in it, hung round with the presents of several 
votaries, who had received cures from Our Lady. 
Amoug these, he observed an inscription, as also an 
otfcring, made by the man he had just been with. On 
his return to the peruke maker's, he expressed his won- 
der that he should have so prematurely made the offer- 
ing, as he was still uncured and lame. To which the 
man replied, that he thought he was rather better than 
he had been, and hoped, that by doing honour to Our 
Lady beforehand, he might be favoured the so.ner with 
her other benefits ! — Carte's Life of the great duke of 
Ormonde. 



17*2 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 



A FOOLISH WIT. 



John Harrington, in the reign of Elizabeth, was 
med a man of great wit, and celebrated as an epi- 
grammatist, yet was he very inconsiderate in conduct, 
and bo exceedingly careless in the management of his 
affairs, that his extravagance compelled him to part 
with several of his estates, and among these, a very 
state named Nyland, in Somersetshire; relating 
to which, Dr. Fuller gives a curious anecdote, in his 
account of Harrington. 

Sir John, one day riding over the said manor, accom- 
panied by his old and trusty servant John, he turned 
suddenly round, and with his accustomed pleasantry 
I, — 

" John, John, this Nyland, 
Alas ! once was my land." 

T<> this, John, as wittily and truly answered, — 

" If yon had had more wit, sir, 
It might have been yourfl yrt, sir.' 



173 



A CRITIC. 

Some would-be-critics assume a great deal of solem- 
nity and pomp in conversation. Ambrose Philips, the 
poet, once discoursing at a coffee-house, upon pictures, 
expressed his pity for those painters, who, in their 
views, always depict the same kind of shy ; adding, 
" They should travel, and then they would see that 
there is a different sky in every country, in England, 
France, Holland, Italy, &c." A grave gentleman 
sitting near, observed, " Your remark is very just, Sir, 
I have been a traveller, and can testify that what you 
observe is true, but the greatest variety of skies that 
ever I found, was in Poland." " In Poland, Sir ?" ex- 
claimed Ambrose. " Yes, Sir, in Poland, for there is a 
Sobiens%, a Sarbiens&y, a Sablons&y, a PodebrasAy, 
and a great many more skys, Sir !" 



FOOLISH NOTION OF SEAFARING MEN. 

These men, who are daily observing the wonders of 
the mighty deep, and have the opportunity, of tracing 
Q 2 



1*1 BtDNKI amxdoti:*. 

ituial causes of the various phenomena which 

around then ; are still strangely beset with 

rstitious notions ; some object to sailing 

with i dead body on board, even if soldered in lead; -- 

will not set sail on an inauspicious day ;- -others 

believe in the virtue of certain articles worn about the 

a, which have a talismanic effect in preserving 

ffou danger and shipwreck ; the most absurd of 

which, is the silly conceit they have of the power of 

a child' 8 caul ; for which the sum of forty guineas 

has been asked, and given, although of late we have 

seen them advertized by foolish owners, at ten, and even 

need rate of five guineas! In this age of the "March 

vf Intellect," perhaps they are getting wiser, or thearti- 

l. con* more plentiful. Tl,< letis, every 

child is b»»rn with this membrane, or tippet, on its face and 

: and we have lately read the offer of the editor 

of a medical work, who will engage in a wholesale 

with the retailers, and supply them with the 

at half a-crown each, which they may cut up to 

profit; or, he will supply as many as arc 

required, at one shilling each. Our simple belief is, 

that thi trust is to be placed, first, in Him who 

'. and directs the storm;— -Second, in 

! SOUSMJ bottomed ship, well rigged and 

manned, with a pilot who knows whereabouts he is ;--- 



FOLLV. 17o 

Thirdly, in case of accident, a stout life boat; and 
lastly, should that not be at hand, Daniel's life pre- 
server; or even a cork jacket, would be of infinitely 
more service than this ; by which, no one was ever 
yet supported in the water, nor ever will. 



FOOLISH CONFIDENCE OF AN INDOLENT 
EMPEROR. 

Theodosius the younger wag in the habit of signing 
petitions that were handed to him, without reading, or 
understanding the nature of them ; relying implicitly 
on the fidelity of those who presented them. In order 
to cure him of this careless habit, his sister Pulcheria 
practised an honest fraud upon him, by presenting a 
petition in her own name, desiring to have his empress 
Eudoxia delivered to her as her slave; this he received 
and as usual signed ; and the empress removed for 
some time with her sister in-law. Theodosius, wonder- 
ing at her long absence, sent for his wife, but the sister 
refused to let her go ; sending him in answer, that 
the empress was hers by right, and produced to the 
astonished monarch the said petition with his own 
signature. However, she did restore the wife to the 



SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 



husband, ami it is presumed that after this lesson, he 
thought proper to read petitions, &c. before he signed 
them ! 



FOOLISH CONFIDENCE OF AN EUROPEAN 
SOVEREIGN. 

Until of late it had been the eustom for any one who 
wished to obtain the honour of knighthood at the 
hands of the sovereign of the Isles, merely to present 
themselves in eourt attire on a levee day, and an- 
nounce their desire ; and it was presumed none 
would present themselves who were not respectable, 
and rich enough to pay the fees on the occasion to 
the Herald's College, which alone was benefited 
by the honour. But a few years ago, a pair of 
quack doctors, surprised both king, courtiers, and 
college, by getting themselves dubbed right wor- 
•hipful knights by the sword of royalty; for on being 
dubbed and handed into another apartment, where 
certain officers attended to receive the customary fees, 
the Den made knights refused compliance with the 
demand, telling the disappointed expectants, that 
they never intended paying ; and as for the honour, 



FOLLY. 177 

they had now obtained it, and the king could not undo 
what he had done. Since this trick has been played 
off, strict injunctions have been given from the 
highest quarter, that no person be presented whose 
character and profession are not previously known to 
some one about the court, by whom he is to be pre- 
sented for this honour ! 



FOOLISH FEARS OF AN ANATOMIST. 

It is related of a celebrated son of Ksculapius, who 
had made the nice and wonderful^ structure of the 
human frame his particular study, and having per- 
ceived the numerous vessels and ligaments, that were 
liable to be disarranged, or injured by the least acci- 
dent, when the body was in action ; by dislocation of 
joint ; rupture of a blood vessel, or incision of any vul- 
nerable point, became so impressed with the dread of 
some part of him giving way, that he was actually 
afraid to move about like other men ! 



|7S SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 



FOLLY OF BIGOTRY EXPOSED. 

Bishop Thomas related, that when he was chaplain 
to the British factory at Hamburgh, one of the gentle- 
men of the factory being taken ill, was ordered into 
the country, for the benefit of air : accordingly, he 
removed to a village about ten miles distant, where he 
shortly after died. On application being made for 
leave to bury the deceased in the church-yard, the 
parson refused, because he was a Calvinist ; saying, 
" There are none but Lutherans in my church-yard, 
and there shall be no other." This being told the 
bishop, he expressed his surprise, that any man of 
learning or understanding could harbour such ideas, 
so he took horse and went to argue the point with the 
parm, but he found him quite inflexible. Finding 
reasoning of no effect, he had recourse to ridicule, by 
telling him of a circumstance that occurred to him- 
s» If while he was curate of a church in Thames-street, 
London. " I was burying a corpse," said the bishop, 
and a woman came and pulled me by the sleeve, in 
idft of the srrviee. " Sir, Sir ! I want to speak 
t'. y<»u !" " Pr'ythec, woman," said 1, " wait till I 
." " No, sir, I must speak to you immedi- 
ately:' " Why then, what is the matter ?" " Why, 



FOLLY. 179 

" sir, you are burying a man, who died of the small- 
pox, next to my poor dear husband, who never had 
it!" This well-timed relation of an absurd fact so 
overcame the scruples of the parson, that the body of 
the Calvinist obtained a quiet resting-place in his 
church-yard. 



A FOOLISH PRINCE, AND AN INDEPENDENT 
WITTY POET. 

Daute, the Italian poet, being exiled from his 
native city, Florence, he found an asylum at Verona, 
where he had Andella Scalla, the prince of that coun- 
try, for his patron. Several gamesters, strolling 
players, and other persons noted for their buffoonery 
and ribaldry, were constantly about the court, and 
one of these, more distinguished for his levity than the 
others, was the more caressed. The prince one day, 
in the presence of the poet and the buffoon, highly 
praised the latter, and observed to Dante, " 1 wonder 
that this foolish fellow should have found out the 
secret of pleasing us all, and making himself admired, 
while you, who are a man of great sense, are held 
in little esteem." To this the poet made answer 



180 



SIDNEY ANE< DOTES. 



promptly, " You would cease to wonder at this, if 
you knew how much the conformity of characters is 
the sourer of friendship !" True genius, conscious of 
its own superiority, is ever independent. 







W. M;AKS, Printer, II. Hud^e Row, Wal brook. 



INDEX TO PART I. 

Page 

Prefatory Observations ou the Follies of Mankind - 1 

Folly of those who propagate Infidelity, by Conversation 9 

the Royalists, and sag-acity of Cromwell - 14 

Turkish Superstition - - - "J 

. a capricious Master of a College 

a drunken Person - - " r! 

Witchcraft and its Believers - - & 

and Superstition of Queen Mary - - & 

and Credulity of our Ancestors - - 45 

going to Law - - - "2 

Ambition-Napoleon's reflections - - j» 

-Alexander - - • * 



— professed Liberals 

— Piltrrims 

— Tyranny, Observations on - 



Bajazet U 



— Domitian - 

Dionysius - - -J 

-Inhumanity - - - - "5 

-the Customs - - " Jj 
-Cruelt> - g 

-Napoleon - - - " '~ 

-Rashness.— The Athenians - - - TO 



Otho . 

Lewis of Ba\aria - - 80 

a King of England - -81 

Reproved - - To 

-conversing about Things we do not undei stand H'f 

-Expectation - - - " S 

-Mirth and Pleasures - - - 87 

-Discontent. — Observations on - - 88 

Dionvsius - - - 89 

PiusV. - - -89 

Adrian VI. - - - 90 

Caius Marius - - - 90 



91 



-Gaming, Observations on - - - 91 

— Parysatisand Artaxerxes - - 95 

Alphonsus of Aragon - - 95 

Henry MIL - - - 96 

Profanation of the Sabbath - - 96 

Desperation - - - 97 

A Son's Sorrow 

Duke of Epernon - 

Henry II. of France 

Caligula - - - »°° 

Roger Ascham - - -101 



98 
99 
100 



TNI* 

Folly of Gamins,— Nero - - - 101 

f The Chinese - - -101 

„ Duke of Valentinois - - 102 

Pita Politeness, Lord Stair - • 105 

'viih its Contrast - - 106 



-Intemperance,— The Wedding; - "HI 

- Alexander the Great - 



Porson 



-of the Public 

-Temerity - - " " r A 

-Desire of Power - 

-Pride, &.c, Observations on - " \. " 

-Expensive Dress, Duke of Buckingham - J** 

Sir W. Raleigh - - |» 

Sir John Arundel - - [3* 

Duke of Burgundy - - JJj 

Lolla Paulina - - ]*J 

Paleologus and Nugas - JJJ 

Demetrius - " ioT 

Roman Praetors- - ^ r - JJJ 



the Greeks & Empr. Hen. V- - 135 

the English - ' "J 

Geo. Faulkner - - J«" 

-many in their Charities - - "12 

-too confident Anticipation - - " };• 

-a King in not hearing the Truth - - lo " 

—trotting to Appearances - ' 'O 

II Enterprises, Sesostris - ,rl 

-Claudius Caesar - - U)H 



N-co King of Egypt - J« 

a Painter and a Poet - - " f ™ 

— i Fanatic ... - i^i 

Bigotry exposed . *'** 

h Satisfaction in being thought wise - - •* 

Preference of a Withy to a Rope - " oi 

Philosophy _ . - - : 

Answer by a sleepy Lawyer - - " oo 

Vanity of our Virgin Queen. • ■ 2? 



Ap*> 



31 



" *? 7 



Profusion. — Louis \| V 



■tf 



of the Mint - - ;*jj 

A French Mini - - ,'[ 



-Turkish 



5!> 



^ " "to 

— An«\. . . „ " ; 

ion - - - 4 j 

• 4> 

rvationson, - - 50 



INDEX. Pag;e 

Foolish Boasting of R iches reproved - 

Porapey the Great 

Boaster, a hint that he lied - - -148 

Propensity . - - - -151 

Antiquary 

Vanity Reproved - MM 

. . of Napoleon 

French Mai t 

Speech of Sir II. (brimstone - - - 1&7 

Courtiers of Canute rejM 

Reasoning: - 

- ! retaliation - - .161 

Polio 

Conduct repented of 

Threat of \ 

Porthumons boo 

* !1 - - 

Confidence of II. 

an 1 

in a 

Fears of an I 

1 i 

irs 
All Fools Day .... 
A Barrister puzzle;! by ■ Bun. 
A drunken Man made a 1 
A Foolish Critic - - - 

Wit - 

A Fool's Y\ 

A little Man in a l>iir A\ ig 

in made to look like a Poo] by a Madman 
An usurious Banker outwitted - .47 

Dionysius' jetting with Aristipi 

c Folly reproved 
Holidav d, hut not K< 

Making a Fool of another, and I - 

Oriental Arrogance and its Antidote 
Quarrels, Hunting 

Reli - - - 74 

Civil - 

a holy Elephant 

Female 1' 

St. Patrick, Superstition of the Irish concerning 

.11 Superstition 
St. Peter a Fool by comparison 
Sudden and slow Death, different effects of 
Vanity of Queen Elizabeth 
Yorkshire Superstition - 



Page 



Foolish Fears of Deatli, Mascsenas - 
Theophrastus 



Arteiuon - . -51 

Themistocles . - 53 

C. Caligula - . - 53 

Carbo 

Titus Vespasian - - 55 

King of Hungary - - 57 

Assassins - . - -61 
Opposition . - - .OS 
Friends - - - - - 62 
Priest, or, Physician - 05 
■ Peer - - - - - Go- 
Philosopher _ 70 
Cttftom reproved. — Healhcote - - 77 

Steele . - .78 

Pousin - - - 78 

Preacher - _ _ . - 84 
• Wish for Distinction.— Caligula 

Severity and Retaliation - 103 

IWenge prudentlv avenged - - 104 

W -,— Caligula - - - - 107 

Duke of Buckingham - - 108 

Albertus Magnus - - - 108 

The Lord Cordes- - - - KM* 

St. Augustine - - 109 

James I. of England - - - no 

Philoxenusthe Epicure - -110 

Quin - : -111 

the Spartans and Cretans - - 111 

Ettdoxm - - - - U2 

Alexander the Great - - -112 

Scottish Highlander - - -113 

Darius - - - - 113 



Mixtnk" - - - . - 117 

Confidence, Louli Xl.of France - -118 

Conduct Of the Learned - - - 110 

Question - . 121 

Litigants - . „ . . 122 

Q .... 122 

Identification - . . -123 

Parents . . _ - 125 

Superstitious Fears - 126 

Travellers taken in - - - - 128 

Boaster of Knowledge, &c. - - - 141 

' Counsellor, ...Gal igula - - 142 

Narrator exposed - .143 

Plight attempted . . - 144 

Challenge answered - . - 147 



-> Hfe 




SqOAte . 



THE 



SIDNEY ANECDOTES: 

SELECTED FROM HISTORY, 



A N C 1 L N 1 AMJMODERX, 



AND OTHER AUTHENTIC SOURCES. 



CHARLES AND AMBROSE SIDNEY, 

OF GLASTONBURY. 

Illustrated with a frontispiece portrait, engraved on steel, and 
numerous wood-cuts, by M. U. Sears. 

PART II.— IMPIETY AND INFIDELITY. 



LONDON: 

\V. J. SEARS, WARWICK SQUARE, PATERNOSTER ROW. 
1830. 



tn I Co., h j Lane. 



&UJtUj) &iuc&otts* 



INFIDEL WRITERS ; THEIR EVIDENCE IN 
FAVOUR OF CHRISTIANITY. 

Many instances might be selected from the writings 
of infidels against the Christian religion that tend to 
prove its truth. Voltaire and Bousseau, as is well known, 
have, at times, gone far towards contradicting all they 
have written against it. Bolingbroke, in his writings, 
has the following sentence : — M Supposing Christianity 
to have been a human invention, it has been the most 
amiable invention that ever was imposed on mankind 
for their good. Christianity, as it came out of the hand 
of God (if I may use the expression) was a most simple 
and intelligible rule of belief, rule, and manners, which 
is the true notion of religion. The Gospel, in all cases, 
is one continued lesson of the strictest morality, of 
justice, of benevolence, and of universal charity." Even 
Paine, who, among the writers on this subject, admits, 
as little as any, whatever might prove any way favour- 
able to it, so far professed his respect for the character 
of Jesus Christ as to say, " He was a virtuous and an 

VOL. I. B 



IN1XDOTES. 



amiable man. The morality that he preached and prac- 
the most benevolent kind." 
Do not these prove that while they were trying to 
persuade others of the hypocrisy of priests, they were 
themselves either hypocrites, or that they occasionally felt 
and expressed convictions contrary to the tenor of their 
writings? Vicious men often bear testimony in favour 
of virtue, especially on the near approach of death ; but 
virtuous men never return the compliment by giving 
their testimony in favour of vice. 

VALUE OF THE BIBLE. 

The most learned, acute, and diligent student cannot, 
in the longest life, obtain an entire knowledge of this 
one volume. The more deeply he works the mine, the 
lie her and more abundant he finds the ore ; new light 
continually beams from this source of heavenly know- 
_c, to direct the conduct, and illustrate the work of 
God and the ways of men; and he will at last leave 
the world confessing, that the more he studied the 
Scriptures, the fuller conviction he had of his own 
ifnorunc*, and of their inestimable value. — SCOTT. 

ihe S( RIFTURZI teach us the best uay of living, the 
noblest nun of suffering, and the must comfortable way of 
— Flavel. 



SUBLIMITY OF THE SCRIPTURES. 

There is not a book on earth so favourable to all the 
kind, and all the sublime affections, or so unfriendly to 
hatred and persecution — to tyranny, injustice, and every 
sort of malevolence, as the Gospel. It breathes nothing 

throughout but mercy, benevolence, and peace 

Such of the doctrines of the gospel as are level to human 
capacity, appear to be agreeable to the purest truth and 
soundest morality. All the genius and learning of 
the heathen world, all the penetration of Pythagoras, 
Socrates, and Aristotle, had never been able to produce 
such a system of moral duty, and so rational an account 
of Providence and of man, as is to be found in the 
New Testament. — Beattie. 



CHRISTIANITY. 

" Its truth has acquired fresh lustre in the con- 
troversy, and burst through all those ingenious sophis- 
tries, which, like so many cob-webs, a sceptical philo- 
sophy had endeavoured to spin around it. 

" Instead of being detrimental to religion, its adver- 
saries have done it an important though unintentional 
service ; — they have shown that it can never be sub- 
verted by the force of reason or argument ; that it is 



SIDNEY AM < ixn l >. 

in riv> danger from the most ri^'ul scrutiny; but, like 
old, will lie for centuries in the furnace without 
i single grain; whereas, were all the tinsel and 
embroidery of Deism and Infidelity put into the same 
crucible and burnt down, there would not be found, at 
the bottom of the melting-pot, an ounce of metal that 
was not dug from the mine of Revelation." 



CHRISTIANITY AND MAHOMETANISM 
COMPARED. 

Go to your natural religion : lay before her Mahomet 

and his disciples arrayed in armour and in blood, riding 

in triumph over the spoils of thousands and tens of 

thousands who fell by his victorious sword ; show her 

the cities which he set in flames, the countries which 

he ravaged and destroyed, and the miserable distress 

of all the inhabitants of the earth ;— when she has 

pred him in this scene, carry her into his retirements ; 

show her the prophet's chamber, his concubines and 

• t her see his adultery, and hear him allege 

ittion and his divine commission to justify his lust 

and his oppression. When she is tired with this pros- 

\ then show her the blessed Jesus, humble and meek, 

doing good to all the sons of men, patiently instructing 



the most retired privacies ; let her follow him to the 
mount, and hear his devotions and supplications to 
God : carry her to his table, to view his poor fare, and 
hear his heavenly discourse ; let her see him injured 
but not provoked; let her attend him to the tribunal, 
and consider the patience with which he endured the 
scoffs and reproaches of his enemies. Lead her to the 
cross, and let her view him in the agony of death, and 
hear his last prayer for his persecutors, " Father, for- 
give them, for they know not what they do!" 

When Natural Religion has viewed both, ask, Which 
is the Prophet of God ? — Sherlock. 



LORD ROCHESTER. 

Men in general are profligates before they turn scep- 
tical. They become apostates and abandon the paths of 
virtue only when they find them to be no longer ways 
of pleasantness and peace. Incredulity springs more 
from the corruption of the heart, and a rooted disin- 
clination of the will, than from any want of conviction, 
any weakness of comprehension, or error of the under- 
standing. Few become infidels who sit down to inves- 
tigate the sacred records of Scripture with earnest 
desires and honest intentions. The candid inquirer is 
uniformly rewarded with conviction. If any doubt or 



M SIDNEY (LltECDOTES. 

deny, it is not that they have found Christianity to be 
false, hut because they have reasons, or inclinations, 
for flashing it to be so ; and were it possible to remove 
the apprehensions of future punishment — to level the 
distinctions between virtue and vice, and reconcile 
conscience to criminal indulgences, we should soon 
find neither atheists, infidels, nor sceptics in the world. 
It was by steps such as these that Lord Rochester 
advanced in his career: from profligacy to impiety, 
from a reckless debauchee to a confirmed disbeliever. 
Like most other apostates his guilt had this aggravating 
circumstance — that he not only gloried in wickedness 
himself, and gratified every appetite to the utmost extent, 
but he laboured most industriously to instil the moral 
poison into the minds of others ; to undo their virtues 
and strengthen their evil principles, as if he wished to 
root out from the nature of man every resemblance to 
his Maker. Those checks and fears which occasionally 
visited him, especially in times of sickness, he endea- 
voured by every means to extirpate — to dispossess him- 
self, not only of the belief, but, if possible, of the very 
thoughts and apprehensions of religion. To this diabo- 
lic ul purpose he bent all the efforts of his wit, all the 
energies of his genius ; and it was even the object to 
which he often directed his literary amusements, when 
he found leisure, amidst the paroxysms of intemperance, 



to prosecute his solitary studies. He took as much 
pains, says the writer of his funeral sermon, to draw 
others in, and pervert the right ways of virtue, as the 
apostles and primitive saints did to save their own 
souls and them that heard them. He was diligent to 
recommend and propagate his sentiments ; framing 
arguments for sin ; making proselytes to it ; and writing 
panegyrics on vice. He frequently, in debate, took 
the side of atheism ; and argued with great vigour 
against virtue and piety ; " being resolved," as he said, 
" to } un tltem down aith all the arguments and spite in the 
no rid." 

One very remarkable instance of this extreme blas- 
phemy happened at an atheistical meeting in the house 
of a person of quality, where he undertook to manage 
the cause of infidelity, and was the principal disputant 
against God and religion. 

He maintained the contest with such ingenuity and 
success, that his performance received the applause of 
the whole company. But this awful exhibition of irre- 
verence and impiety he could not contemplate without 
some feeling of remorse. 

The strange inconsistency of his conduct struck his 
mind so forcibly, that he immediately expressed to 
himself, " Good God! that a man who walks upright, 
and sees the wonderful works of God, and has the use 



10 mdm;y anecdotes. 

of his senses and his reason, should use them to the 
defying of his Creator !" 

We now refer to a more pleasing part of his life, 
when we see his bright mind emerging from under the 
cloud which had so long overshadowed it. In the 
winter of 1679 he was seized with a violent sickness ; a 
dispensation frequently employed with effect to arrest 
and reclaim the wanderer, and melt the stubborn temper 
of the impenitent heart. This occasion led him to an 
acquaintance with Dr. Burnet, whose History of the 
Reformation, then newly published, his lordship had 
perused and found much entertainment in it. " Dr. 
Burnet was not long in his company, when he told 
me," says the doctor, " that he should treat me with 
more freedom than he ever used to men of my pro- 
fession. He would conceal none of his principles from 
me, but lay his thoughts open without any disguise. 
Xor would he do it to maintain debate or show his 
wit, but plainly tell me what stuck with him ; and he 
protested to me, that he was not so engaged to his old 
maxims as to resolve not to change, but that if he could 
be convinced, he would choose rather to be of another 
mind." 

For the particulars of their conversations we may 

lie candid inquirer to the excellent life, &c, of 

the reclaimed nobleman, by Dr. Burnet ; a book, to use 



11 



Dr. Johnson's beautiful and expressive eulogium, M the 
t ritic ought to read for its elegattce, the piiilosophi ■ 
for its arguments, and the saint for its piety." 

The result of these conversations was such as might 
have been anticipated, and made a most salutary im- 
pression on the noble penitent. Driven by degrees 
and with reluctance from every strong hold, he saw 
those sophistries, within which he had entrenched and 
fortified himself, to be but a refuge of lies. His most 
rooted prejudices yielded and gave way before the irre- 
sistible energy of truth. Conviction won upon him at 
every stage of the discussion, and readied his conscience 
in spite of all his reasonings, and contrary to his 
strongest inclinations. 

When the scales of error were removed, moral objects 
assumed a new character, and appeared even to chanqc 
their nature. He was convinced, he said, that vice and 
irreligion were as contrary and injurious to human 
society as wild beasts, let loose, would be ; and that 
therefore he was firmly resolved to alter the whole 
course of his life, to become strictly just and true, to 
be chaste and temperate, to forbear swearing and pro- 
fane discourse; to worship and pray to his Maker : and 
that though he was not arrived at a full persuasion 
of Christianity, he would never employ his wit more 
to run it down, or to corrupt others. 



)"2 SIDNEY amcI)o]|>. 

In theM good resolutions he was encouraged by his 
lent and Learned friend, who assured him, that a 
virtuous life would no longer appear a struggle and 
a constraint; and that if his mind was once cleared 
of its erroneous principles, and freed from the dominion 
of those habits that obscured and distempered it, he 
would soon see through all the sophistries of wit and 
atheism, which had only the false glittering of argu- 
ment, and could mislead none but men of weak under- 
standing, who have not capacity nor discernment to 
penetrate deeper than the mere surface of things. 

The conversations and reasonings of the worthy 
doctor and other friends, confirmed the noble penitent 
in his holy resolves ; and he felt encouraged to hope, 
that though his life had been too much devoted to the 

of sin — though he had too long resisted all the 
means ot conviction, and abused the patience and long- 
tuffering of God — yet he now looked back upon his 
former ways with abhorrence and detestation, He was 
certain, he said, that his mind was entirely changed ; 
and although terror had at first awakened him to a 
of his danger, yet his repentance was now settled 
on the sure basis of faith and conviction. 

concurrence of many plain and unimpeachable 

BUtt satisfy the scruples and prejudices 

of the ,.nc;il, that Lord Rochester wai sincere 



13 



in his repentance, and gave all possible symptoms of 
a lasting perseverance in it, had it pleased God to restore 
him to health. No one can for a moment entertain a 
serious belief that such a change could proceed from 
weakness of body or perturbation of mind, or from any 
superstitious terrors arising from a misinformed con- 
science, or a dread of future punishment. Love to God, 
and faith in Jesus Christ, are the only foundation on 
which such resolutions and persuasions could be built : 
so firm, and at the same time so humble a trust in the 
Divine favour, can be ascribed to nothing else than the 
effectual operation of religion. 

He sustained his infirmities without repining, and 
with perfect resignation to the will of Heaven, until the 
26th of July, 1630, when he expired, aged only thirty- 
three, without struggle or groan, being so worn away 
by his long illness. 

His pious and learned biographer farther adds, that 
" Nature had fitted him for great things, and his know- 
ledge and observation qualified him to have been one 
of the most extraordinary men, not only of his nation, 
but of the age he lived in; and I do verily believe, that 
if God had thought fit to have continued him longer in 
the world, he had been the wonder and delight of all 
that knew him. But the infinitely wise God knew 
better what was fit for him, and what the age deserved ; 
c 



U IIDNEV 4XICDOTE8. 

for men who have so cast off all sense of God and 
religion, deserve not so signal a blessing as the example 
and conviction which the rest of his life might have 
given them. Here is a public instance of one who had 
lived of their side, but could not die in it. lie was 
willing for nothing to be concealed that might cast 
reproach on himself and sin, and offer up glory to God 
and religion ; so that though he lived a heinous sinner, 
be died a most exemplary penitent!" 



MR. GRAY'S OPINION OF VOLTAIRE, AND 
HIS PRINCIPLES. 

Gray irae strongly attached to virtue — the exer- 
cite of right reason, as he often called it, using the 
oi Plato. If he heard any one named as a 
man of ability, genius, or science, he usually asked, 
" Ii be L r ood for any thing 1" No excellence could 
ever mitigate his aversion to the vicious, the profligate, 
and the unpi -'meiplcd. Voltaire was the object of his 
It dislike. He pronounced, with almost pro- 
phetic precision, that no one could even imagine the 
extent of u tfie public mischief" which Voltaire would 
on. Il<- particularly begged a friend of his, who 
to the continent, not to visit Voltaire, and 
I the reply, " W hat can a visit from a person 



IMPIETY. 15 

like me to him signify 1 " With emphatic earnestness, 
he rejoined, " Sir, every tribute to suck a man sig- 
nifies. " 

Such was the opinion of this discerning man ; and 
his salutary dread of the power or influence of the 
French philosopher, under any appearance, either of 
declared hostility, simulated friendship, or of pacific 
carriage. 

Let every reflecting mind duly consider the spirit, the 
virtue, and the philanthropy which dictated Mr. Gray's 
reply, so as to apply it with discretion on every proper 
occasion ; for it is highly important in its consequences 
to the welfare of society, and to the support of every 
good government. 



VOLTAIRE, LEIGH HUNTS REMARKS OX. 

" It is a pity, that with all these powers of ridicule, 
so formidable to human folly, the author (Voltaire) 
should have subjected himself to a licentious fancy, and 
have delighted in loose descriptions, unnecessary to a 
true wit, and unworthy a philosopher. If there be any 
fault in his writings more contemptible than this, it is 
the coolness with which he defends the same licentious- 
ness in La Fontaine. It is the last excuse for a writer's 
voluptuous ideas to tell us, that they are a resource 



16 -IV ANFCDOTI5. 

offered us by nature herself in our moments of inqui- 
etude. This might be a tiger's argument for its love of 
slaughter, or a hog's for its love of filth ; but men, 
infinitely less wise than Voltaire, could have told him, 
that in moments like those, nature is most worthy to be 
conquered, because it is most difficult. I must confess, 
that of the two crimes in writing, wanton description 
h is something more of the shadow of an excuse from 
nature than that vilest of all vile ribaldry which degrades 
the genius of Swift, and renders the coarseness of 

a is so inconceivably disgusting ; which is scarcely 
ever indulged but by the weakest minds, and which it 
seems the very instinct of a delicate mind to avoid and 
detest. But Voltaire should have shunned every appear- 
ance of immorality in his writings, when he professed to 
draw his religion from the purest morality. Poor human 
nature! An individual who could not alter his easiest 
errors, pretended to alter the religion of nations ! Whence 
arises that stupid, that inexplicable vanity, which in all 
places, and at all times of life, has influenced men to 
value themselves for a certain knowledge, and to feel a 

importance in displaying it ? Voltaire was a bad 
man from his entrance into life to his exit ; he was still 
more, he was almost naturally a bad man ; he spoiled 
others, rather than being corrupted by them." 



IMPIETY. 17 

VOLTAIRE'S INCONSISTENCY. 

According to Condorcet (a disciple of Voltaire), he 
entertained the lofty opinion that he could, unassisted, 
overturn the Christian faith. " I am wearied," said 
he, " of hearing it repeated, that twelve men were suffi- 
cient to establish the Christian religion ; and I wish to 
prove there needs but one to destroy it." Being threat- 
ened with a prosecution on account of his tenets, he, in 
order to avoid it, received the sacrament, and publicly 
declared his respect for the church, and his contempt of 
those who had so far vilified his character as to doubt of 
his being a Christian. In his last illness in Paris, 
feeling desirous of obtaining a Christian burial, he sent 
for a priest, to whom he declared, that he " died in the 
Catholic faith, in which he was born." Another priest, 
curate of the parish, put other questions ; among others 
lie asked, " Do you believe in the divinity of Jesus 
Christ V To which Voltaire replied, "In the name 
of God, sir, speak to me no more of that man, but let 
me die in peace ! " 

VOLTAIRE AT FAULT. 

Deistical philosophers sometimes contradict them- 
selves when their common sense is awake and their 
philosophy asleep ; a favourable circumstance towards 



18 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

social order and good morals. An instance is recorded 
of a curious speculation respecting England by the 
above French philosopher, who hearing it asserted that 
the national debt of Great Britain amounted to one 
hundred and forty-eight millions sterling, declared that 
he doubted of the fact. Being, however, convinced of 
its truth at last, he quickly converted it into French 
livres, and exclaimed, that so many minutes had not 
transpired since the creation ; for the moment losing 
sight of his own calculation, founded on the fables of 
the Chinese philosophers, by which he argued for the 
extreme antiquity of this our world. On making cor- 
rect calculation agreeable to the Mosaic history, as 
proved by the immortal Newton, the number of livres 
was found to be 341,315 more than the number of 
minutes! 



HUME'S PHILOSOPHY. 

It hath been observed of this celebrated English his- 
torian, that although he joined with the female illumi- 
• hen at Paris, yet in England, either his philoso- 
phic pride, or his conviction that infidelity was not 
suited to the fair sex, rendered him singularly averse to 
the initiation of females into the mysteries of his doc- 



19 



Mr. Hardy tells us, that he never saw him so dis- 
pleased and disconcerted as by the petulance of the 
conceited wife of Mr. Mallett, the editor of Boling- 
broke. This lady, not previously acquainted with Mr. 
Hume, met him one night at an assembly, and thus 
boldly addressed him : u Mr. Hume, give me leave to 
introduce myself to you ; we deists ought to know one 
another." To which the philosopher replied, u Madam, 
I am no deist ; I do not style myself so ; neither do I 
desire to be known by that appellation." 

HUME'S SCEPTICISM. 

Mr. Hardy, in his Life of Charlemont, makes the 
acknowledgment, that an unfortunate disposition to 
doubt of ever^' thing seemed interwoven with the very 
nature of Hume, and he believes there never was a 
more thorough and sincere sceptic. He even admits 
that the philosopher seemed not to be sure of his own 
existence, and consequently could not be expected to 
entertain any fixed opinion regarding his future state! 

Under this impression he put the question to Hume : 
" What do you think of the immortality of the soul?" 
To which the philosopher made answer, in the broad 
Scottish dialect, " Why, troth, man, it is so pretty and 
comfortable a theory, that I wish I could be convinced 



20 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

of its truth; but I canna help doubting!" Thus wc 
peret 'ivo tha* deistical writers are not always the con- 
verts of their own philosophy. 

Hume entertained this opinion of Rousseau, that he 
believed (like many other unbelievers) much more than 
he was willing to acknowledge j for, on his arrival from 
France, accompanied by Rousseau, a friend who met 
him in the park shortly after, happening to congratulate 
him on the felicity he. must have in his new associate, 
arising from the similarity of their sentiments, Hume 
replied, " Why no, man, in that you are mistaken j 
Rousseau is not what you think him ; he has a hanker* 
after the Bible, and, indeed, is little better than a 
Christian — in a way of his own*" 



MARMONTEL'S INCONSISTENCY. 

The Relisarius of Marmontel was written for a very 
purpose, that of obtaining an entrance into the 
French Academy, by pretending a disbelief of Chris- 
tianity. The French academicians were accordingly 
very clamorous and very loud in its praise ; but a lively 
French writer has spoken of it with more justice : — • 
" I have read three pages of Marmontkl's Belisarius, 
and 1 have done with it. It is neither history nor ro* 
rn&nce. It is neither grave nor gay. He thinks of 



21 



nothing but the French Academy, and abuses religion 
as if he had really never thought of it, assuredly as if he 
had Tiever read about it. He is worse than Voltaire, 
because more ignorant. Voltaire deemed it necessary 
to read, in order to abuse: Marmontel abuses at random. 
But this answers his purpose, and that is enough. It 
will gain him the Academy." w One can scarcely 
read his works, and remember his life, without feeling a 
regret, that a man, who appeared to possess so many 
excellent qualities, was taken from his proper sphere, 
and corrupted by the society of Parisian wits." Mar- 
montel, in his desire of recommending himself to the 
French Academy, and even in some degree to the 
public, who had formed their taste after the writings of 
Voltaire, occasionally endeavoured to imitate him in his 
style, but has never attempted it without a miserable 
failure. His Belisarius will never be read without dis- 
gust, or at least weariness. It is the same with his 
history of The Incus of Peru ; he is totally out of his 
element ; it has neither the boldness of romance, nor the 
accuracy of history. Had he lived in other times, and 
in any other nation, his many natural qualities would 
have rendered him as good a man as he was a writer ; 
but he wanted the force of mind to stand against the 
constant seduction of bad example, and therefore we 
are sorry to say he died more innocently than he had 
lived."— (L. Hunt.) 



MUSKY A NIC DOTES. 

ATHEISM A REFUGE FOIl THE VICIOUS 
MAN. 

A man lived in the town of Bedford, of quick wit, 
bold spirit, and fluent tongue, but of a loose and de- 
bauched behaviour, who, in my hearing, (says the 
author of this relation), affirmed that he did not believe 
there was either God or devil, heaven or hell. Not 
long after, he was apprehended, and, for a notorious 
crime, condemned to be hanged. The day before his 
execution, (says my author), I went to him on purpose 
to know if the thoughts of approaching death had made 
any alteration in his former atheistical principles ; and 
being admitted to him, I found he was now quite of 
another mind ; for, with many tears, he bewailed his 
former delusions, and told me, that a prison and the 
Meritus thoughts of death had opened the eyes of his 
understanding, and that when he formerly told me 
there was no God, yet he did not then heartily believe 
what he said ; but that he being of a lewd and wicked 
life, thought it necessary to blind his conscience, and out- 
brave the world with a pretence that it was his princi- 
ple, and that he was assured of what he said, of which 
lie now heartily repented. — A i iii.ni an Oaaclk. 

TO PROFESSED ATHEISTS. 
" \\ here shall I find the man who has inspired him- 
<-tlt with more than the heroism of devils, ('for they 



23 



believe and tremble'), and has assumed the hardy cou- 
rage to take his stand on some point of our tiny pro- 
vince of creation, and fearlessly and undoubtingly to 
affirm, * There is no God.' Shall I meet him in the 
dark haunts of shameless vice and unlettered brutality 1 
Perhaps I might, for guilt would rejoice in arriving at a 
certainty so remedial to the remorse of an ever-gnawing 
conscience. But I should with greater readiness dis- 
cover the object of my search in the book-walled study of 
the man, who, under the name of a philosopher, conceals 
the bitterest enmity against true wisdom. Proud of the 
sceptre he sways over an intellectual empire, into every 
corner of which he imagines his eye can penetrate, he 
boasts an heroical contempt for the vulgar errors, which 
for ages have misled the majority of mankind. But, 
indeed, it is heroism no longer, if he knows that there 
is no God. The wonder then turns on the great pro- 
cess by which a man could grow to the immense intelli- 
gence that can know that there is no God. What ages 
and what lights are requisite for this attainment ! This 
intelligence involves the very attributes of Divinity, 
while a God is denied ! For, unless this man is omni- 
present ; unless he is at this moment in every place in the 
universe, he cannot know but there may be in same place 
manifestations of a Deity, by which even he would be 
overpowered. If he does not know absolutely every 



SHAKY ANLCIX'. 

agent in the universe, the one that he docs not know, 
may be God. If he is not himself the chief agent in the 
universe, and does not know what it so, that which M so, 
may be God. If he is not in absolute possession of all 
the propositions that constitute universal truth, the one 
which he icunts, may be, that there is a God. If he 
cannot with certainty assign the cause of all that he per- 
ceives to exist, that cause may be a God. If he does 
not know every thing that has been done in the immea- 
surable ages that are past, some things may have been 
done by a God. Thus, unless he knows all things, 
that is, precludes another Deity — by being one him- 
self, he cannot know that the Being, whose existence he 
rejects, does not exist." — Fosun's Essays. 



DANGER OF EAIILY IMPIETY. 

An early-formed habit of trifling profanely with the 
high and awful things of God and the soul, may never 
be got rid of , therefore every thought, and word, and 
id *hould be avoided by youth, which would tend to 
e\< ite disregard to the revealed will of God. A Mr. 
It., who had become sceptical, would thus address his 
friend : " 1 would give worlds, if 1 had them, to believe 
as you do, but I cannot." I apprehend that his infide- 
lity may be traced to an earlier origin than his philoso- 



IMPIETY. 25 

phical studies ; his youthful, days were criminally neg 
lected by his parents, so that his mind was left to 
luxuriate in all the wildness of nature. I remember an 
anecdote, at the horribleness of which I shudder as I 
give the relation, but which may perhaps throw some 
light upon the gloomy history of his apostacy from the 
principles of that religion, in the name of whose Divine 
Author he had been baptised. 

Two of the family, of whom he probably was one, 
when boys, having procured a bone, and tied it to a long 
string, contrived to throw it into the midst of a small 
religious assembly in their native village, and cried out 
as they ran away, M Behold the Lamb of God." Can we 
wonder if a heart so callous, in life's tenderett period, 
was never after softened ; or, that a mind so early 
familiarised to such horrid impiety, never after admitted 
the Scripture testimony concerning that Saviour whom, 
in the very morning of his existence, he blasphemously 
rejected V 

*' Betrayed and forsaken by the worst enemies of 
human peace, friendless and hopeless, the disciples of 
infidelity are left in the most critical moment of their 
existence, either to the infernal horrors of despair, with 
the arch-apostate Voltaire, to the insane and pitiable 
flippancy of Hume, or to the duller taciturnity of him, 
who no longer sustained by the buoyant influence of 



SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

freethinking sinks Into the gulph of eternity, too misera- 
ble to tank, and too proud to weep! 1 ' 



BLASPHEMY PUNISHED. 

In the year 1527, a young Florentine, who was con- 
sidered brave and valiant in arms, was to fight with 
another young man, who, because he was melancholy 
and spoke little, was called Forchebene. They went 
together with a great company to the place appointed, 
which was without the port of St. Gal, whither, being 
come, a friend to the former went to him and said, 
" God give you the victory." The pioud youth, adding 
blasphemy to his temerity, answered, " I low shall lie 
choose but give it me?" They came to use their 
\w apons, and, after many blows given and taken, both 
by the one and the other, Forchebene, as if the minister 
and instrument of God, gave him a thrust in the mouth 
with such force, that having fastened his tongue to the 
poll of his neck (where the sword went through above 
the length of a span), he made him fall down dead, the 
d remaining in his mouth, to the end that the 
tongue, which had so grievously offended ; might, even 
in this world, endure punishment for such a sin. — 
I l Considerations. 



27 



INTOXICATION NO LEGAL EXCUSE FOR 
BLASPHEMY. 

The laws of both England and Scotland agree in 
considering drunkenness as no palliation of crime, as it 
might be easily counterfeited, and thus made a cloak for 
the commission of the most atrocious offences. 

In Maclaurin's decisions (p. 732), a case is thus 
reported: — On the 22d of November, 1697, Patrick 
Kinninmouth, of that ilk, was brought to trial for 
blasphemy and adulter u. The last charge was passed 
from. The indictment alledged, he had affirmed — 
Christ was a bastard, and that he had said, If any 
woman had God on one side and Christ on the other, 
he would stow (cut) the lugs (ears) out of her head in 
spite of them. 

He pleaded, chiefly, that he was drunk or mad, when 
he uttered these expressions, if he did utter them. The 
court found the libel relevant to infer the pains libelled, 
i. e. death ; and found the defence that the pannel was 
furious or distracted in his wits relevant ; but repelled 
the allegeance of fury or distraction arising from 
drunkenness. 



28 SI DM V \NiCJ>OTJ>. 

A WISH FOOL'S LECTURE. 

Bishop Hall relates, that a nobleman of his day kept 
1 fool, to whom he gave a staff (a common appendagi 
with a charge to keep it carefully until he could meet 
with one who was a greater fool than himself. Some 
years after this the nobleman fell sick, and the fool 
went to see him. His lordship said to him, " I am 
going to leave you." "Whither art thou goingl" 
asked the fool. 4< Into another world." " And when 
will you come back again 1 Will you within a month 1 " 
' No." " When then?" " Never." " Never!" 
exclaimed the fool, " and what provision hast thou made 
for thy entertainment there, whither thou goest ? " 
" Xone at all /" " So ! none at all ! said the fool in 
surprise ; " There, then, take my staff ; for, with all 
my folly, I am not guilty of any such Jolly as this ! " 

A PERSIAN'S OPINION OF THE RELIGIOUS. 

of the oriental monarchs being afflicted with a 

rous disease, which he feared would end in death, 

rowed to distribute a large sum among the religious if 

he should recover. 

On his recovery he resolved to fulfil his vow, and 
of his slaves a large purse of gold to be dis- 
tributed accordingly ; but the slave returned with the 



IMPIETY. 29 

full purse, declaring that he could not find any religi- 
ous. " How so?" said the monarch; "are there not 
four hundred in the city V " To be sure," replied the 
slave, " there are such a number who wear the dress, and 
I offered the gold to every one of them in turn, but not 
one refused it. I thence concluded that not one of them 
were reallu religious !" 



JULIANUS, II1S APOSTACY AND IMPIETY. 

Julianus, at first, feigned himself to be a Christian ; 
and, as some say, was entered into orders for a deacon. 
From a worshipper of Christ, he afterwards turned to 
be a great persecutor and mocker of the Christians and 
Christianity itself — in contempt of which he permitted 
the Jews to re-edify their temple, which had been ruined 
under Titus ; and the care of that affair was committed 
to Antiochenus Phillipus : but the Divine power 
showed forth itself to the terror of all men ; for, as soon 
as they had laid the stones in the foundation of it, the 
earth began to make a horrid noise and exceedingly 
trembled ; it cast out the foundations of the wall, sent 
forth a flame that slew the workmen, and consumed all 
the tools and instruments that were there, as well iron 
as other. 

The next night there were divers crosses found upon 



30 SIDNEY am 0DO1 i . 

tin- garments of many men, and those in such manner 
set on, that they could not be washed, or any way got 
out thence. 

At last this Julianus, waging war with the Persians, 
by an unknown hand he received a deadly wound 
betwixt his ribs ; when, filling his hands with his own 
blood, and throwing it up towards heaven, he exclaimed, 
tisfy thy malice, O Galilean (so he called Christ), 
tor I acknowledge I am overcome by thee !" 



SUICIDE PREVENTED. 

A gentleman, of good connexions, having made a 
voyage to Cayenne, in South America, was there 
tilted by several persons, one of whom he was com- 
pelled to kill in his own defence ; he was consequently 
consigned to a dungeon, where the only light admitted 
through a grating, by which his food was let down. 
Attempting to escape, he was severely wounded in 
several places, and these were rendered more painful by 
the attack of numerous insects. In this desperate state 
being a stranger to religion and its consolations, he 
formed the resolution of ending his miserable life with 
the knife used in cutting his food. 

On the evening in which he had resolved to carry 
. daring resolve into effect, an unknown hand 



31 



passed a Bible through the grating, and a voice directed 
him to a particular chapter and verse. Being then so 
dark that he could not refer to it, he was induced, from 
the singularity of the circumstance, to defer the self- 
destruction he had intended, until the next day, when 
he read the portion pointed out, became resigned to the 
will of his Maker, and was blessed with a hope of eter- 
nal salvation. Sir Sidney Smith shortly after arrived on 
the coast at a seasonable time, and made intercession, 
so as to restore him to liberty, and he ever after gave 
evidence of the sincerity of his conversion by a serious 
and zealous profession of Christianity. 

This fact was related by the Rev. Mr. Wylde, at. a 
meeting of the Auxiliary Bible Society, of the War- 
rington district, as an affecting instance of the good 
produced by the distribution of the Sacred Writings. 

THE SAYINGS OF A DYING MAN. 

Mr. Nichols, in his life of the great lexicographer and 
moralist Dr. Johnson, states, that during the doctor's last 
illness, it was his regular practice to have the church 
service read to him, by some attentive and friendly 
divine ; occasionally requesting some of his friends to 
come and join the small devotional assembly. On the 
last occasion, no more than the Litany was read by 



SIDNEY AM ( DO! 1 ^. 

the doctor's own express desire, in which the responses 
were given by him in a deep and sonorous tone of voice, 
and with the most profound devotion that can be 
imagined. 

His hearing not being quite perfect, he more than 
once interrupted the clergyman, then performing the 
office, with " Louder, my dear sir, louder I entreat you, 
or you pray in vain ! " 

When the service was finished, he turned round to 
an elderly lady, who was present, and said, " I thank 
you, madam, very heartily for your kindness in joining 
me in this solemn exercise. Live well, I conjure you ; 
and you will not feel the compunction which I now 

Soon after he observed, " I would give one of these 
legs for a year more of life ; but not such as that I now 
suffer ! " 

At Mr. Nichols' last interview with the dying doctor, 
he expressively said, "Take care of your eternal salva- 
tion — Remember to observe the Sabbath — Let it never be a 
daij of business ; nor wholly a day of dissipation* — Let my 
ds have their due weiyht : they are the words of a 



33 



DR. FRANKLIN. 
This celebrated philosopher, early in life, and before 
he had maturely weighed evidence, became a sceptic as 
to the religion in which he had been educated, for his 
father having perceived his early propensity towards 
literary pursuits, had intended to qualify him for the 
sacred office of the ministry. This intention was frus- 
trated by the increase of his family, yet he made it his 
particular study to inspire his children with a desire 
after knowledge, and imbue their minds with the best 
moral principles ; and Benjamin, without other assist- 
ance, went through a course of controversial divinity 
which seemed only to give strength to his argumentative 
powers. Like some others who are fond of displaying 
their rationative powers, he propagated his sceptical 
opinions with much assiduity and zeal. The fatal con- 
sequences which this produced on the deportment of some 
of his intimate companions, at length happily convinced 
him that it is extremely dangerous to destroy the salu- 
tary influence of religion, without being able to sub- 
stitute any thing in its place, of equal importance and 
efficacy. After renouncing his sceptical principles, as 
neither true nor beneficial to society, he became nflrm 
believer in the Scriptures, and never undertook any im- 
portant transaction without having first petitioned ilie 
Almighty to prosper his endeavours. 



34 ! Y WKDOIES. 

The epitaph on himself, which he wrote several years 
before his death, is curious, and evinces his belief in a 
future state of existence. 

THE BODY 
OF 

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN, 

PRINTERj 

(like the cover of an old book, 

its contents torn out, 

and stript of its lettering and gildinc.) 

lies here, food for worms \ 

yet the work itself shall not re lost, 

tor it will (as be relieve!)) appear once more 

IN A NEW 
AND MORE BEAUTIFUL EDITION, 

CORRECTED AND AMENDED 
RY THE AUTHOR. 



DR. FRANKLINS DYING ADVICE. 

Mr. SutclirTe relates, that one evening in conversa- 
tion with Samuel Bryant, son of the judge, he stated 
that the Doctor was in intimate friendship with his 
father, and consequently there was between their families 
frt<jucnt intercourse. 



35 



He then mentioned an anecdote of the doctor, re- 
lating to his religious opinions, which appeared worthy 
of being recorded. 

When the doctor was on his death bed, he received a 
visit from a young man who had a high opinion of his 
judgment on every subject, and entertaining some doubts 
as to the truth of tUe sacred writings, he considered that 
this solemn period afforded a desirable opportunity of his 
consulting Dr. Franklin on this most important subject. 
He accordingly ventured to introduce the subject in the 
most respectful and serious manner, and begged to know 
the doctor's sentiments as to his belief in the truth of 
the Holy Scriptures. The doctor was then very low 
and fast approaching to his dissolution, but on hearing 
the question put to him in so serious a manner, he 
calmly replied, — " Young man, my advice to you is, 
that you cultivate an acquaintance with, and a firm 
belief in the Holy Scriptures ; this is your certain 
interest." 



THE COTTAGER'S CONSOLATION'. 

u Yon cottager who weaves at her own door, 
Pillow and bobbins all her little store, 
Content, though mean, and cheerful, if not gay, 
Shuffling her threads about the livelong day j 



36 I1T ANI.t DOTES. 

Just knows, and knows no more, her Bible true, 
A truth the brilliant Frenchman never knew ; 
And in that charter reads, with sparkling eyes, 
Her title to a treasure in the skies." — Cowper. 



YOUNG WD TINDAL. 

Dr. Kdvvard Young, when a student at Oxford, ap- 
plied himself very closely to reading and study. He 
had during that time, several arguments with Tindal, 
commonly called Atheist Tindal, on the subject of re- 
ligion ; who thus speaks of him — " The other boys I 
can always answer, because I always know whence they 
have their arguments, which I have read a hundred 
times, but that fellow Young is continually pestering me 
with something of his own !" 

POSTHUMOUS IMPIETY. 

Mr. (iilpin, in his observations on the western parts 

j land, in noticing the mansion called Peni ii.lv 

i the banks of the Tamar, about three miles 

IkjIow Cotele, relates a singular history of a former pos- 

of that mansion. 

" .Mr. Tilly, once the owner of Pentilly House, was 

a celebrated atheist of the last age. He was a man of 

wit, and had by rote all the ribaldry, and common place 



I 






SL 




37 



jests against religion and Scripture, which are well 
suited to display pertness and folly, and to unsettle a 
giddy mind ; but are offensive to men of sense, whatever 
their opinions may be ; and are neither intended nor 
adapted to investigate truth. The brilliancy of Mr. 
Tilly's wit, however, carried him a degree farther than 
we often meet with in the annals of profaneness. In 
general the witty atheist is satisfied with entertaining 
his contemporaries, but Mr. Tilly wished to have his 
sprightliness known to posterity! With this view, in 
ridicule of the resurrection, he obliged his executors to 
place his dead body in his usual garb, and in his elbow 
chair, upon the top of a hill, and to arrange on a table 
before him, bottles, glasses, pipes, and tobacco. In this 
situation he ordered himself to be immured in a tower 
of such dimensions as he prescribed, where he proposed, 
he said, patiently to await the event. All this was done, 
and the tower, still inclosing its tenant, remains a 
monument of his impiety and profaneness ! The country 
people shudder as they go near it. 

" Religio pavidos terrebat agrestes 
Dira loci :— sylvam saxumque tremebant." 
The fear-struck hind, with superstitious gaze, 
Trembling and pale, th' unhallow'd tomb surveys, 
And half expects, while horror chills his breast, 
To see the spectre of its impious guest. 

E 



38 SIDNl \ ask I). 

THOMAS PAINE. 

It has been gcen generally admitted that the lives of 
those nun whose actions have proved either beneficial 
to society, or injurious to the world, are worthy of 
recording, as a lesson for future ages, either to imitate 
their virtues or avoid their errors ; and the lives of few 
men present such a varied picture for the instruction of 
mankind, as that of the celebrated author of the " Age 
of Reason." 

It appears necessary to give some particulars of the 
early life of this extraordinary man, which shall be done 
as briefly as possible, in chronological order. His 
father, Joseph Paine, was a Quaker, and held a small 
farm, but was a stay-maker by trade ; poor, but honest, 
and respected. His son, Thomas, was born on the 29th 
of January, 1736-7,, in the borough of Thetford, county 
of Norfolk. In 1756 he came to London. In 1758 he 
went to Dover, and was employed by Mr. Grace, stay- 
maker, for nearly twelve months. He had a situation 
in the excise for several years ; but, in 1769, was dis- 
missed. In 1771 he first commenced public writer. 
An election of a new member for Shoreham, gave him 
the opportunity. Mr. Rumbold, the candidate, invited 
iid of the poets of Lewes for an election song, and 
Mr. l'uine's was the successful composition, which pro- 
cured him three guineas sterling. In 1774 his misfor- 



39 



tunes increased, as he attended mare to the affairs of 
others than to his own, and he disposed of all his effects 
by a bill of sale, to his principal creditor at Lewes ; 
who, seeing no hope of being paid, on account of the 
continued irregularities of his debtor, took possession 
and sold the premises, in April 1774. 

It appears that, in 1774, he went to America, on the 
eve of the rupture between the two countries, a period 
well fitted for the display of his peculiar talents, and 
his revenge against his own country, where his cha- 
racter, public and private, had rendered his name 
obnoxious. In 1775 he became the editor of the Pen ""»- 
sylvanian Magazine ; and here he published the cele- 
brated song on the death of General Wolfe. On the 
suggestion of Dr. Rush, of Pennsylvania, of preparing 
our American brethren for a separation from us, he 
eagerly began and finished a pamphlet on the subject, 
which was then shown to Dr. Franklin, and Mr. S. 
Adams, and, after some discussion, entitled " Common 
Sense." 

At this period his political writings, and his taste for 
philosophical enquiries, rendered him a welcome visitor 
in the families of Dr. Franklin and others of respecta- 
bility. He became secretary (or clerk) to the com- 
mittee of foreign affairs, with a small salary j although 
he possessed neither the conduct nor the learning 



10 >TES. 

requisite. Hi was formed to pull down, not to set vp. 
J lis forte was anarchy; order was the perpetual and 
invincible enemy of his talents. In tranquillity he sank 
into the kennel of intemperance ; in a commotion of the 
political elements he rode conspicuously on the surge. 

Iking dismissed by the committee, he was hired as 
clerk by Mr. Owen Biddle, of Philadelphia ; and in 
1780 he became clerk to the assembly of Pennsylvania. 

In 1785 three thousand dollars were voted to him by 
congress, in consideration of his political services ; but 
they rejected with indignation a motion for nominating 
him the historiographer to the United States, with a 
corresponding salary. 

The state of Pennsylvania voted him £500 currency, 
and that of New York presented him with the confis- 
cated estate of Frederick Davoc, a proscribed royalist, 
situate at New Rochelle, of above 300 acres well cul- 
tivated. 

In 1787 he visited England, and in 1788 was arrested 
for debt, but bailed by some American merchants. 

In 1790 Mr. Burke published his " Reflections," 

which brought Mr. Paine from France to England, with 

the desire to excite the Londoners to copy the conduct 

of the Parisians ; and in 1791 he published the first 

• of the '« Rights of Man," in reply to Mr. Burke. 

v he returned to Paris. A proclamation was 



41 



issued by the king on 21st May, 1792, suppressing 
seditious publications, and on the same day a prose- 
cution was commenced against Paine, as author of the 
" Rights of Man." 

About August 1792 he published his " Address to the 
Addressers." 

His trial was appointed for the ensuing December : 
but a French deputation having announced to him in 
September that the department of Calais had elected 
him a member of the national convention, he proceeded 
hastily to Dover, eager to avoid the imprisonment he 
dreaded. He had only sailed about twenty minutes from 
Dover, when an order arrived from government for his 
detention. 

Paine sat in judgment upon the trial of Louis XVI., 
and voted for his imprisonment during the war, and for 
his transportation afterwards. After his imprisonment 
in France for eleven months, he addressed a letter 
to Washington, to whom he had inscribed the first 
part of his u Rights of Man :" — " As to you, Sir, trea- 
cherous in private friendship, and a hypocrite in private 
life, the world will be puzzled to decide whether you 
are an apostate or an impostor!" 

He now returned to his abuse of the Christian reli- 
gion, and in October 1796 appeared the second part oi 

£2 



IIDNI ^ \ 

his " Age of Reason."* In both parts his chief object 
appears to be the propagation of licentious doctrines 
among the lower orders, with the view of weakening, if 
not eradicating, that awful veneration which restrains 
man from sinning against his Maker and injuring his 
neighbour. 

In this year, also, he published his absurd and servile 
letter to the French and their army, on the event of the 
18th Fructidor ; this was his last publication in France, 
lie continued there till 1802, in a constant state of 
inebriation, and filthy in person. He wished to return 
to America, as he became tired of the republic. Wash- 
ington considered him an anarchist and an infidel, lie 
was without either country or friend. He was poor, and 
must, therefore, return to the states, where he still had 
the farm at New llochelle, which had increased in 
value, and would amply maintain him. 

He arrived, under the protection of Jefferson, at Bal- 
timore, on the 13th October, 1802. lie had seduced a 
Madame Bonneville from her husband, and brought her 
to America with her two sons, whom he treated with the 
i test harshness and meanness. He went to his farm 
in the spring of 1804. 

lie hired an old black woman, named Betty, who 

Btabop Watfon'i \ i»- -1« »sj;> r for the Bible, a tonvincinc 
I r.nir ' |.! mtibfc urgUM i 



43 



lived with him only three weeks, as they both got 
drunk, and he said that she stole his rum, which she 
retorted by calling him an old drunkard ; and nothing 
prevented a battle between them but their inability to 
strike a blow, being both prostrate on the floor, sprawling, 
swearing, and threatening each other. 

He then lived about fourteen months at Ryder's, until 
the 4th May, 1809. 

On his return again to New Rochelle he was accom- 
panied by Madame Bonneville and her two sons, and 
he hired another black woman, named Rachel Gidney, 
to dress his meat. Rut as paying for any thing was 
not one of his most agreeable occupations, Rachel, who 
lived with him only two months, had to sue him for 
her wages (five dollars). He was apprehended on a 
warrant, and a Mr. Shute, one of his disciples, bailed 
him ; but he at last paid the demand, making the silly 
remark that he considered it hard that he should be sued 
in a country for which he had done so much. 

Dr. Manley, who attended him in his last illness, 
gave the following, in answer to queries from Mr. 
Cheetham : — " During the latter part of his life, though 
his conversation was equivocal, hit conduct was singular. 
He would not be left alone, night or day. He not only 
required to have some person with him, but he must see 
that he or she was there, and would not allow his cui- 



4 4 BIDNE1 INBCJDOTBSi 

tain to be closed at any time ; and if, as it would some- 
times unavoidably happen, he was left alone, he would 
scream and halloo until some person came to him. 
When relief from pain would admit, he seemed thought- 
ful and contemplative, his eyes being generally closed, 
and his hands folded upon his breast, although he never 
slept without the assistance of an anodyne. 

"There was something remarkable in his conduct 
about this period, which comprises about two weeks 
immediately preceding his death, particularly when we 
reflect that Thomas Paine was the author of the ■ Age 
of Reason.' 

"He would call out, during his paroxysms of distress, 
uitliout intermission, O Lord help me! God help me ! 
Jesus Christ help me ! O Lord help me ! &c, repeating 
the same expressions, without variation, in a tone of voice 
that would alarm the house. It was this conduct that 
induced me to think that he had abandoned his former 
opinions ; and I was more inclined to that belief when 
I understood from his nurse (who is a very serious, 
and, I believe, pious woman) that he would enquire 
when he saw her engaged with a book, what she was 
reading, and being answered, and at the same time 
asked whether she should read aloud, he assented, and 
would appear to give particular attention. 

" 1 took occasion, during the night of the 5th and 6th 



45 



of June, to test the strength of his opinions respecting 
Revelation ; I purposely made him a very late visit ; it 
was a time which seemed to suit exactly with my 
errand ; it was midnight ; he was in great distress, con- 
stantly exclaiming in the words above-mentioned ; 
when, after a considerable preface, I addressed him in 
the following manner, the nurse being present : — 

" 'Mr. Paine, your opinions, by a large portion of 
the community, have been treated with deference. You 
have never been in the habit of mixing in your con- 
versation words of course ; you never indulged in the 
practice of profane swearing. You must be sensible 
that we are acquainted with your religious opinions as 
they are given to the world. What must we think of 
your present conduct? Why do you call upon Jesus 
Christ to help you 1 Do you believe in the divinity of 
Jesus Christ 1 Come now, answer me honestly : I want 
an answer as from the lips of a dying man, for I verily 
believe you will not live twenty -four hours.' I waited 
some time at the end of every question ; he did not 
answer, but ceased to exclaim in the above manner. 
Again I addressed him : — ' Mr. Paine, you have 
not answered my questions ; will you answer them ; 
allow me to ask again, Do you believe — or let me 
qualify the question — Do you wish to believe, that Jesus 
Christ is the Son of God?' After a pause of some 



MI>\ DTE8. 

minutes, he answered, ■ I have no wish to believe on 
that subject.' I then left him, and know not whether 
he afterwards spoke to any person on the subject, 
though he lived, as I before observed, till the morning 
of the eighth. 

'* Such conduct, under usual circumstances, I conceive 
absolutely unaccountable, though, with diffidence I 
would remark, not so much so in the present instance, 
for though the first necessary and general result of con- 
viction be a sincere sorrow for evil committed, yet it 
may be a question worthy of able consideration, whether 
excessive pride of opinion, consummate vanity, and 
inordinate self-love, might not prevent or retard that 
otherwise natural consequence." 

Whether Paine ever seriously disbelieved the Scrip- 
tures has been frequently agitated, and whichever side 
of the question we are inclined to adopt, difficulties pre- 
sent themselves. That he believed in a state of future 
rewards and punishments is certain, and we have been 
informed by Mr. Parkes, who was with him three days 
before his dissolution, that he believed in the resurrection 
of the body ; and Mr. Parkes also stated, that the 
quarrel Mr. Paine had with Mr. Carver was in conse- 
quence of a violent dispute between the parties on that 
subject, Paine asserting, and Carver denying, the doc- 
trine of the resurrection. The dispute ended in a deter- 



47 



mination on the part of Paine to make an alteration in 
his will, which was formerly in favour of Mr. Carver's 
daughters, to their total exclusion. 

On this account Mr. Carver entered an action against 
Paine, and recovered the arrears of several years board, 
and such wa3 the antipathy consequently excited 
against Carver, that he resolutely refused every offer of 
reconciliation on the part of Mr. Carver, and he of 
course must have died with malice in his heart. How 
very different is the life and the death of a true believer 
and disciple of Jesus Christ ! The wickedness of Paine's 
life, and the inconsistencies of his conduct, give a com- 
plete answer to all his cavils against the revealed word 
of God. 

He expressed a wish to be buried in the Quaker's 
ground, his father being one of that persuasion, and 
their principles and mode of burial he thought better of 
than of any other. On this subject he requested and 
obtained a visit from Mr. Willet Hicks, one of that fra- 
ternity, to whom, after the usual salutations, he thus 
spoke : — " As I am going to leave one place it is neces- 
sary to provide another ; I am now in my seventy -third 
year, and do not expect to live long, I wish to be buried 
in your burying-ground." This simple request they 
unexpectedly refused him. On the 9th June, the day 
after his decease, the body was removed from his house 



48 

at Greenwich to New Rochelle, attended by seven 
persons, and he was buried on his own farm. According 
to his will a stone was placed at the head of the grave 
with the following inscription : — 

THOMAS PAINE, 

AUTHOR OF 
COMMON SENSE. 

Died June 8i/i, 1809, aged 72 years and 5 months. 

In considering the effects of his writings on society, 
we may remark that " Common Sense," and the 
V Crisis," had considerable influence in forwarding 
American independence. The "Rights of Man" assu- 
redly caused a spirit of free inquiry to spread more ex- 
tensively, and its influence would have been felt in 
Britain more powerfully, had not the "Age of Reason,'* 
like a hideous monster, made its appearance. So much 
were the religious community alarmed at the daring 
attack made on the foundation of their faith, that all 
writings of Paine were execrated, and the readers of 
them deemed immoral in principle. The odium was 
divided between the writer and his readers. 

Thus an imprudent advocate of freedom, by one act 
overthrew a fabric which was fast rising into importance, 
notwithstanding the disadvantages of his moral charac- 
ter, which was drawn into immediate view, when con- 



49 



trasted with the Divine precepts of that religion which 
he vainly attempted to overthrow. 

We may with propriety here append one of the able 
refutations of Bishop Watson, in his " Apology," 
who thus writes : — " The mural precepts of the Gospel 
are so well fitted to promote the happiness of mankind in 
this world, and to prepare human nature for the future 
enjoyment of that blessedness, of which in our present 
state we can form no conception, that I had no expecta- 
tion they would have met your disapprobation. You say, 
however, ■ As to the scraps of morality that are irre- 
gularly and thinly scattered in those books, they make 
no part of that pretended thing, revealed religion.' 
' Whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do 
ye even so to them.* Is this a scrap of morality 1 Is 
it not rather the concentrated essence of all ethics — 
the vigorous root from which every branch of moral duty 
towards each other may be derived t Duties, you know, 
are distinguished by moralists into duties of perfect and 
imperfect obligation : does the Bible teach you nothing, 
when it instructs you that this distinction is done away 1 — 
when it bids you ' put on bowels of mercies, kindness, hum- 
bleness of mind, meekness, long-suffering, forbearing one 
another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a 
quarrel with any ?' These, and precepts such as these, 
you will in vain look for in the codes of Frederic or Jus- 



•';" SI DM \ \NK DOTES. 

tinian, you cannot find them in our statute books ; they 
were not taught, nor are they taught in the schools of 
heathen philosophy ; or, if one or two of them should 
chance to be glanced at by a PLato, or a Seneca, or a 
Cicero, they are not bound upon the consciences of man- 
kind by any sanction. It is in the Gospel, and in the 
Gospel alone, that we learn their importance. Acts of 
benevolence and brotherly love may be, to an unbe- 
liever, voluntary acts ; to a Christian they are indispen- 
sable duties. Is a new commandment no part of re- 
vealed religion? *A new commandment I give unto 
you, that ye love one another.' The law of Christian be- 
nevolence is enjoined us by Christ himself in the most 
solemn manner, as the distinguishing badge of our being 
His disciples.* 

" Two precepts you particularize as inconsistent with 
the dignity and nature of man — that of not resenting in- 
juries, and that of loving our enemies. Who, but your- 
self, ever interpreted literally the proverbial phrase — ' If 
a man smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the 
other also.' Did Jesus himself turn the other cheek 
when the officer of the high priest smote him? It is 
evident, that a partial acquiescence under slight personal 

* " By this shall all men know that ye are my dis- 
ciples, if ye love one another." — Jesus Christ. 



51 



injuries, is here enjoined ; and that pronenest to revenge, 
which instigates men to savage acts of brutality for 
every trifling offence, is forbidden. 

u As to loving enemies, it is explained in another place, 
to mean the doing them all the good in our power. ' If 
thine enemy hunger, feed him ; if he thirst, give him drink.* 
And what, think you, is more likely to preserve peace, 
and to promote kind affections amongst men, than the 
returning good for evil? Christianity does not order us 
to love in proportion to the injury. It does not ■ offer 
a premium for a crime.* It orders us to let our bene- 
volence extend to all, that we may emulate the benignity 
of God himself, who maketh His Sun to rise on the evil 
and on the good.'* 



FOLLY OF INFIDELITY. 
DR. WATSON'S ANSWER TO PA1XE. 

And is it possible that you should think so highly of 
your performance, as to believe that you have thereby 
demolished the authority of a book which Newton him- 
self esteemed the most authentic of all histories •, which 
by its celestial light illumines the dark ages of antiquity ; 
which is the touchstone whereby we are enabled to dis- 
tinguish between true and fabulous theology ; between 
the God of Israel, holy, just, and good, and the im- 



SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

pure rabble of Heathen Baalim, which has been thought 
by competent judges to have afforded matter for the laws 
of Solon, and a foundation for the philosophy of Plato ; 
which has been illustrated by the labour of learning in 
all ages and countries, and been admired and venerated 
for its piety, its sublimity, and its veracity, by all who 
were able to read and understand it. 

Nor have you gone, indeed, through the wood with 
the best intention in the world to cut it down, but you 
have busied yourself merely in exposing to vulgar con- 
tempt a few unsightly shrubs, which good men had 
wisely concealed from public view. You have entan- 
gled yourself in thickets of thorn and brier, you have 
lost your way on the mountains of Lebanon, the goodly 
cedar- trees whereof, lamenting the madness, and pity- 
ing the blindness of your rage against them, have 
scorned the blunt edge and the base temper of your axe 
and laughed unhurt at the feebleness of your stroke. 

The Bible has withstood the learning of Porphyry, 
and the poiver of Julian, to say nothing of the Manichean 
Faustus. 

It has resisted the genius of Bolingbroke and the wit 
of Voltaire, to say nothing of a numerous herd of in- 
ferior assailants ; and it will not fall by your force. 
You have barbed anew the blunted arrows of former ad- 
versaries ; you have feathered them with blasphemy and 



63 



ridicule ; dipped them in your deadliest poison, aimed 
them with your utmost skill ; shot them against the 
shield of truth with your utmost vigour, but, like the 
feeble javelin of aged Priam, they will scarcely reach 
the mark — will fall to the ground without a stroke. 



EPIGRAM BY A LADY, 
OX THE EFFECTS OF PAIXE'S WRITINGS. 

What means thi3 phrenzy of the nation's brain ? 
The answer's apt, the evil comes from Paine ; — 
If Paine our head and vital parts assail, 
Xo wonder if the constitution fail. 

Gent>. Mac. Feb. 1793. 



SOME ACCOUXT OF JOHN BUXYAX, PRE- 
VIOUS TO HIS COXVERSIOX. 

His parents, though poor, put him to school, where 
he learnt to read and write, and according to his own 
account, he soon forgot all he had learnt, and although 
young, " had but few equals in cursing, swearing, 
lying, and blaspheming the holy name of God." In his 
hours of rest he was often troubled with frightful dreams, 
such as, that the end of the world and day of judgment 
v>ere arrived, when he thought the earth quaked and 



54 SIDNEY \\}< r.OTFS. 

opened her mouth to receive him. At another time ho 
dreamt that he was about dropping into the flames 
among the damned, and that a person in white raiment 
suddenly plucked him as a brand out of the fire ; the 
impressions these made he never forgot, and it is pro- 
bable gave rise to the production of his " Pilgrim's Pro- 
gress."* Although the thoughts of any thing serious 
was painful to him, yet the impiety of professors made 
his "spirit tremble," and on hearing one of these swear- 
ing, he says it made his heart ache. He had many 
narrow escapes from death, which for a time had little 
impression upon him. He married a woman, daughter 
of a pious father, whose only bequest was a copy of " the 
Plain Man's Pathway to Heaven," and the " Practice of 

* A short time ago we perceived a note in the Sunday 
Times, but upon what authority it rests is not given, 
asserting that he was not the author, but the translator 
only of the work. 

They say — u The work was published in French, Spa- 
nish, and Dutch, besides other languages, before John 
Bunyan saw it. We ourselves have seen a copy in the 
Dutch language, with numerous plates printed long pre- 
v'wusly to Bunyan's time.'" It is wished that they had 
given its exact date, and stated also where it might now 
■xiu — I'd. 



55 



Piety." In these they often read together ; these only 
served to awaken a desire to Teform, so far as to go to 
church twice a day, but he was more taken up with the 
ceremony than the spirit of devotion. On hearing a 
sermon on the sanctification of the Sabbath, which he 
generally spent in vanity, he, for the first time felt what 
guilt was, and all his pleasures were embittered ; his 
habits still continued to prevail, notwithstanding various 
compunctions of conscience, but one day as he stood at 
a neighbour's shop window, using many oaths, the 
woman who was not herself one of the most moral, was 
so shocked at his language, that she told him he made 
her tremble, and that he was able to vitiate all the youth 
in town, did they keep him company. 

This had the effect of causing him to discontinue 
profane swearing. Shortly after, having some conver- 
sation with a poor yet pious man, who spoke so plea- 
santly of the Scriptures, he was induced to peruse them, 
but only felt a pleasure when reading the historical 
parts. For about a year he so far reformed in his 
practice, that he began to be looked uoon as a godly 
man ; and he thought he pleased God as well as any 
man in England, although his heart was still untouched. 
Being providentially called to Bedford, in the way of 
his trade, he heard some females, who were sitting at a 
door, conversing about things divine ; he listened, and 



SIDNEY 1NKCB0TES. 

the subjects wore conviction, conversion, &c, and there 
uas so much grace in all they said, that they appeared 
to him to have found a new world. This led him to 
doubt his own change of heart, and he often repeated 
his visits to these poor women, so that his mind became 
fixed on eternity and the kingdom of heaven. Meeting 
one day one of his late wicked associates, he reproved 
him for swearing, &c, adding, " What will become of 
you, if you die in this condition V He answered me in 
great chafe — " What would the Devil do for company if 
it were not for suchas I am." His former religious com- 
panion had turned Ranter, and also very immoral in 
conduct — ending with a denial of the existence of God, 
angel, or spirit — laughing at all reproof. These pre- 
tended they could do what they chose, without sinning, 
as they only had attained perfection ! This man's 
company and tenets he was enabled to forsake, and the 
sacred volume became his chief companion. He still 
remained uncertain of his faith in Christ, and doubtful 
if his day of grace had not passed away. He was much 
perplexed about his own election, and the scripture 
mod rather to damp than elevate his hopes. " It is 
not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, but of 
God that sheweth mercy!" But his mind was much 
relieved by that sentence in Kcclesiasticus, (which, 
though not in the canonical books) coming to his 



thoughts, u look at the generations of old, and see, did ever 
any trust in Cod, and were confounded ?" In the midst of 
his anxieties about his own salvation, two things excited 
his wonder. Old persons hunting eagerly after worldly 
things, and professors much depressed by outward 
losses. If these labour after, and grieve so for the loss 
of the things of this present life, how was he to be pitied 
whose soul was dying. Could he but ascertain the 
safety of his soul, worldly anxieties he would not allow to 
trouble him. The hypocritical repentance of others 
seemed to cause him to suspect the sincerity of his own, 
and he expressed he was sorry that God had made him 
a man, for he feared he was a reprobate, and the most 
unblessed of men ; until hearing a sermon on the love of 
God to sinners, when he was filled with comfort and 
hope. 

Some time after he was again tempted to entertain 
doubts of the being of God and of Christ, and revelation ; 
and darkness veiled his mind ; blasphemous thoughts 
not only intruded, but he was tempted to curse and 
swear, so that he was almost in despair of ever believing 
in the truth. In this state of trouble of mind, he re- 
mained about a year ; but the comforts of the Gospel 
pouring into his mind, through the preaching of Mr. 
Gifford, and reading the word of God, at length dis- 
pelled his fears and doubts. Feeling a desire to know 



58 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

the opinion of some of the old writers on Christian 
experience, he providentially met with a much used 
copy of Luther's Commentary on the Galatians, in 
which he saw his own case so clearly, that the thought 
occurred — " This man could not know any thing of the 
state of Christians now, but must needs write and speak 
the experience of farmer days ;" and he preferred this 
book to all others, as suitable (next to the sacred volume) 
to a wounded conscience. 

He was again under temptation to renounce all and 
follow the things of this life only, which induced him 
again to doubt, saying, u God hath let me go, and I am 
fallen." But the consideration of the case of David, 
and his being forgiven his crimes, afforded him little 
consolation ; as his transgressions were against a purer 
light, that of the gospel, and he was tempted to 
reason thus : — " If these things should be true, yet to 
believe otherwise, would be relief for the present, &c." 
If he must perish, not to torment himself beforehand, 
but have recourse again to the principles of atheists and 
the ranters. The terrors that overwhelmed his soul at this 
period, had a visible effect on his body, so that he could 
neither stand, walk, nor sleep in quiet; but the consi- 
deration of the saying, " He hath received gifts for the 
rebellious," caused him again to hope there was forgive- 
ness for him, although he had fallen off from the faith, 



59 



and he had reason to bless God for the effect of that 
text, " I liave blotted out, as a thick cloud, thy transgres- 
sions, and as a cloud thy sins; return unto me, for I 
have redeemed thee" which was farther impressed upon 
him by that in Heb. xii. and 25 ; — M See that ye refuse 
not him that speaheth." By these he was freed from 
alarms, and enabled to flee to Jesus Christ for mercy and 
pardon in prayer, with confession of his sins ; and his 
mind was comforted by the words " I have loved thee 
with an everlasting love." " He is able to save them to 
the uttermost" &c. &c. 

After many temptations to unbelief, and even atheism, 
the constant recourse he had to the Holy Scriptures, and 
to prayer, at last relieved his soul from a state of the 
most distressing doubts and fears, and enabled him to 
place his firm hope on the merits, love, and intercession 
of a Saviour, who died for our sins, and rose again for 
our justification. 

He was admitted a member of the Baptist Church, at 
Bedford, of which Mr. John GifTord was the pastor, in 
1653, being then twenty-five years of age. In 165G he 
was solicited by the members and ministers of this 
church, to employ his talents for the edification of the 
congregation, and his preaching attracted much atten- 
tion, and exposed him to persecution. He was shortly 
afterwards indicted at the assizes for preaching at Eaton, 



GO 8IDNEV ANECDOTES. 

but it is difficult to imagine on what account, as Crom- 
well, then the head of the state, would not allow perse- 
cution for religious sentiments ; — this, it would appear, 
was not followed up, for he was not molested for two 
years, until after the Restoration. He was also inno- 
cently accused of being a witch, Jesuit, highwayman, 
&c. of being immoral in his conduct towards women, — 
but this was envious slander. 

Having preached with considerable success for five 
years, in which time he also laboured at his trade, he 
was about to preach at Samswell, near Harlington, Bed- 
fordshire, November 12th, 1660 ; when he was seized by 
the warrant of a justice (Francis Wingate) and com- 
mitted to Bedford jail, on the act 35 Eliz. as being an 
enemy to the king, his crown, and dignity, where he 
remained a prisoner upwards of twelve years ! ! Here 
he wrote the first part of u Pilgrim's Progress/' his 
" Grace Abounding," and other books, which, but for 
this incarceration, might never have met the public eye. 
Mr. Bunyan appears to have been the first victim of the 
restored Charles and his dissolute court, who had all 
the laws enacted during the commonwealth repealed. 
He underwent several examinations before judge Hale 
and others ; but it was stated that> being convicted (so 
it had been erroneously entered in the books), although 
he had not been prope ly tried, yet was he kept in 



61 



confinement, under a promise of having a hearing at the 
ensuing assizes ; but this, through the agency of Mr. 
Cobb, clerk of the peace, was prevented. On his pro* 
mising to abstain from preaching, they said they would 
liberate him, but this he neither could nor would refrain 
from, — therefore was he detained. Being near to his 
friends, he had much of their consolation ; and the jailor 
being rather humane for his calling, granted him several 
liberties, for which he being threatened with punishment 
he was at last compelled to confine Mr. Bunyan closely. 
It being known to some of the persecuting prelates of 
London, that he was often out of prison, they sent down 
an officer on the subject ; and, in order to find him out, 
he was to get there in the middle of the night. Mr. 
Bunyan was at home with his family, but so restless that 
he could not sleep ; he, therefore, acquainted his wife, 
that though the jailor had given him liberty to stay till 
the morning, yet, from his uneasiness, he must imme- 
diately return. He did so, and the jailor blamed him 
for coming in at so unreasonable an hour. Early in the 
morning the messenger came, and interrogating the 
jailor, said, "Are all the prisoners safe?" " Yes." 
44 Is John Bunyan safe?" "Yes." "Let me see 
him." He was called ; appeared, and all was well. 
After the messenger was gone, the jailor, addressing 
Mr. Bunyan, said, " Well, you may go out again, just 



HON] \ IW14 DO! i B. 

as you think proper, for you know when to return better 
than I can tell you." There were about sixty others 
(dissenters) confined in the same prison, who chose 
rather to suffer than to sin, and these administered to 
the comforts of each other. With the account of his 
experience and imprisonment before us, we cease to 
wonder that Bunyan's pure imagination, though he had 
no books but the Bible, and Fox's Acts, should produce 
such an exquisite performance as the Pilgrim's Progress. 
It grew out of the circumstances of his life. The steps 
that led to its composition, are given in simple verse, 
which is prefixed to all editions of his work. His last 
act was one of love. A young gentleman, having vexed 
his father, seemed much grieved, and, also, on account 
of his threat of disinheriting him. Mr. Bunyan went to 
Reading, and persuaded the father to be reconciled to 
his son. On his return to London, on horseback, and 
getting wet from heavy rains, he fell into a fever. 
Finding nature decaying, he settled his worldly affairs ; 
and, after ten days illness, he resigned his soul with 
unshaken confidence into the hands of his Maker, on the 
31st of August, 1688, aged sixty years. He died at the 
house of his friend, Mr. Strudwick, Grocer, Snow Hill, 
and was buried in Bunhill Fields, in his own vault, 
and on his tomb is inscribed, 



63 



" The pilgrim's progress now is finished, 
And death has laid him on his earthy bed/' 

His master-piece, the Pilgrim's Progress, which has 
gone through so many editions, and been translated into 
all modern languages, has been commended by some of 
the most learned and best critics of the age. 

Mr. Oldys gives, as the observation of an anonymous 
writer, in a discourse on ridicule and irony, printed in 
8vo., in 1729, that Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress had in- 
finitely outdone the Tale of a Tub, which, perhaps, 
had not made one convert to Infidelity ; whereas, the 
Pilgrim's Progress had converted many sinners to 
Christ ! 



CONSOLATIONS OF PIETY IN IMPIOUS 
TIMES. 

Sir John Mason, the celebrated courtier, was born in 
the reign of Henry VII., and was a privy counsellor 
to Henry VIII., Edward VI., and the Queens Mary 
and Elizabeth. He was a man of talent, and of the 
strictest integrity, which he exhibited in very treacherous 
and trying times. 

When about to depart this life he called his family 
around his bed, and thus spoke : — " I have lived to see 



()4 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

five princes, and have been privy counsellor to four of 
them ; I have seen the most remarkable things in foreign 
parts ; and have been engaged in most state transactions 
for thirty years at home. After so much experience I have 
learned that seriousness is the greatest wisdom ; temper- 
ance the best physician ; and a good conscience the best 
estate; and, were I to live again, I would change the 
court for a cloister ; my privy-counsellor's bustle for the 
retirement of a hermit ; and my whole life in the palace 
for an hour's enjoyment of God in my closet. — All things 
now forsake me except my God, my duty, and my 
prayers.' 1 



THE REFORMED CANTABRIGIAN. 

John Bunyan, although not a churchman, was often 
allowed to preach in the churches. One week day he 
was to preach in the church of a country village in 
Cambridge, and a crowd of people being assembled in 
the church yard, a gay Cambridge scholar passing by on 
horseback, asked the reason of such an assemblage. 
Being told that one Bunyan, a tinker, was to preach 
there, he alighted and gave a boy twopence to hold his 
horse, saying he was resolved to hear the tinker prate, 
and so went into the church to hear him. But God 
met him there by his ministry, the discourse making 



65 



such an impression on his mind, that he embraced 
every future opportunity to attend on his ministry, and 
at last became an eminent preacher of the Gospel in 
Cambridgeshire. — Crosby. 



FOLLY OF ATHEISM.— (Darwin.) 

Dull atheist ! — could a giddy dance 

Of atoms lawless hurl'd, 
Construct so wonderful, so wise, 

So harmonized a world 1 

Why do not Arab's driving sands, 

The sport of every storm, 
Fair freighted fleets, the child of chance, 

Or gorgeous temples form 1 

Presumptuous wretch ! thyself survey, 

That lesser fabric scan ; 
Tell me from whence the immortal dust, 

The God, the reptile man 1 

Where wast thou when this populous earth 

From chaos burst its way ? 
When stars exulting sang the morn, 

And hailed the new-born dav ? 



t>(3 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

What, when the embryo speck of life, 

The miniature of man, 
Nursed in the womb its tender form, 

To stretch and swell began ? 

Say, didst thou warp the fibre woof, 
Or mould the sentient brainl 

Thy fingers stretch the living nerve, 
Or fill the purple vein ? 

Didst thou then bid the bounding heart 

Its endless toil begin 1 
Or clothe in flesh the hardening bone, 

Or weave the silken skin 1 

Who bids the babe, to catch the breeze, 
Expand its panting breast ; 

And with impatient hands, untaught, 
The milky rill arrest t 

Or, who with unextinguish'd love 
The mother's bosom warms, 

Along the rugged paths of life 
To bear it in her arms ? 

\ God! h. God! the wide earth shouts ; 
\ God! the heavens reply; 



§3 



lit moulded in his palm the world, 
And hung it in the sky! 

Let us make man! With beauty clad, 

And health in every vein, 
And reason throned upon his brow, 

Stept forth majestic man ! 

Around he turns his wondering eyes, 

All Nature's works surveys! 
Admires the earth, the skies, himself, 

And tries his tongue in praise ! 

Ye hills and vales, ye meads and woods, 
Bright sun and glittering stars, 

Fair creatures ! tell me, if you can, 
From whence, and what lam? 

What Parent Power, all great and good, 

Do these around me own ? 
Tell me, Creation, tell me how 

T' adore the Vast Unknown ? 



68 SIDNl \ AM< DOIl>. 

IMPIOUS FLATTERY. 

In 1540, Henry VIII. complained to parliament, by 
the mouth of his chancellor, of the great diversity of 
religions which still prevailed among his subjects ; a 
grievance, he affirmed, which ought the less to be en- 
dured, because the Scriptures were to be the standard 
of belief to all mankind. But he had appointed some 
bishops and divines to draw up a list of tenets to which 
the people were to assent ; and he was determined that 
Christ, the doctrine of Christ, and the truth, should 
have the victory. 

The king seems to have expected that this book would 
produce more effect in ascertaining truth, than had as 
yet followed the circulation of the sacred writings. 
Cromwell, as " Vicar-General!" made also, in the 
king's name, a speech to the upper house, and the 
peers in return bestowed great flattery on him, and in 
particular said, that he was worthy, by his desert, to be 
" Vicuv- General of the universe !" Cromwell seemed to 
be in high favour with Henry, who, shortly after the 
sitting of parliament, created him Karl of Essex, and 
he was also installed a Knight of the Garter. Thus 
was a man of no education, the son of a blacksmith, 
placed at the head of the church, and ranked in prece- 
ii< Dee next to the royal family. But the favour of 
nrei tain duration and deceitful \ that of 



courtiers equally so ; for that which had been one cause 
of Cromwell's elevation, his acquiescence in the mar- 
riage of the libidinous Henry with Anne of Cleves, was 
also the cause of his degradation and ruin, the fickle 
king being determined on the dissolution of a marriage 
which had become odious to him. The flattering peers 
who had paid the minister such a fulsome compliment 
when in power, now did not attempt to conceal their 
real feelings against a man who had risen from the 
lowest station, and excited their envy, by his rapid 
ascent to the highest office in the state ! 

IMPIOUS EXHIBITION. 

In 1304 the Cardinal del Prato being the pope's 
legate at Florence, in order to amuse the discontented 
people of Florence, gave public notice of a represen- 
tation, singular enough, but, it appears, suitable to the 
taste of the people of that age. By sound of trumpet 
was announced, that those who were desirous of intel- 
ligence from the regions below, should attend, on the 
1st of May, on the Carraja Bridge, and on the banks of 
the Arno. On a stage which floated on the river, an 
attempt was made to represent the state of the damned. 
Some persons masked as devils were employed throwing 
others into the fire — these grinding and gnashing their 



70 MDNl y 4NBCD01 i B. 

teeth, and uttering most dismal cries, endeavoured to 
imitate the feelings of the miserable inhabitants of hell. 
During this impious foolery, the bridge, overloaded by 
numerous spectators, gave way, and a very great number 
were drowned ; and thus, says Villani, went in the 
straitest direction possible, to satisfy their curiosity 
respecting the affairs of the other world ! 



THE PHILOSOPHER OF MALMSBURY. 

The celebrated Hobbes, who affected to be styled the 
Philosopher of T.Ialmsbury, possessed a very accom- 
modating morality, which from its flexibility would 
never place a man in danger, in any external circum- 
stances. His governing principle was, that the end 
justified the means, which, in familiar converse, he 
would thus illustrate. 

'* Suppose," said he, "I were first cast into a deep pit, 
and the devil should happen to put down his cloven foot, 
I certainly would lay hold of it to effect my deliverance." 
According to this maxim, although at heart a royalist, 
he flattered Cromwell! and after Charles was restored to 
the throne of his ancestors, he added to the corruption 
of the already vicious court by his writings. Notwith- 

nding all his logical subtlety, he could not suppress 
the dread which the view of futurity produced in his 



71 



solitary moments. He could not bear being left alone, 
and even a fit of tooth-ache brought on the most fearful 
apprehensions. So tenacious was he of life, that he 
wished to flatter himself with the hope of more days 
than is usually allotted to man ; for at the age of 
ninety he gave orders for a great coat to serve him for 
three years, when he was to have another, made of the 
same durable texture. When a lady with whom he was 
intimate, ventured, in conversation, to direct his atten- 
tion to the consideration of a future state, he inter- 
rupted her rudely, with vehement protestations against 
all discourse about death, or, as he generally called it, 
" taking a leap in the dark !" 

VICIOUS EXAMPLE AN APOLOGY. 

When king James requested lord chief justice Holt 
to vote for the repeal of the Test Act, he answered that 
he could not do so in honour or conscience. The king 
said he knew he was a man of honour, but from his 
other conduct in life, he did not appear like a man who 
had any regard for conscience, being quite given up to 
vice and luxury. Holt boldly replied, " I own I have 
faults ; but they are such that other people, who talk 
more of conscience, are guilty of the like." 



72 SIMfBl AMCIOTES. 

DR. WATSON'S CONTRAST BETWEEN 
m:\vton AND PAINE. 

The Bishop of Landaff in a sermon in the chapel of 
the London Hospital, on the 8th of April, and pub- 
lished in 1803, thus makes the contrast between Paine 
as an unbeliever, and Newton as a believer in Chris- 
tianity. 

" I think myself justified in saying, that a thousand 
such men are, in understanding, but as dust in the 
balance when weighed against Newton — a most evident 
truth worthy the public consideration. ,r 

A ROYAL REPROOF. 

There is a certain levity exhibited by many who 
attend places of devotion, apparently not for the purpose 
of worshipping the great Author of our being, but 
attracted by the popularity of a preacher, or because 
custom or interest commands their attendance. Such 
levity of behaviour, besides its impiety, is an insult to 
those who congregate together for a nobler purpose — 
the adoration of the great Creator. 

No one was more circumspect in this respect than 
his late majesty, who could not let pass unnoticed any 
indecorum he observed in others. During morning 
prayers at Windsor he usually rolled up the printed 



73 



form of prayer, and with it beat time to the music of 
the choir, and, at times, would point to certain parts of 
the service in the common prayer when he observed any 
of his attendants inattentive. Two young marquises of 
political and military fame, it is said, required often 
such hints. One morning, the hero of Acre having 
shifted his birth several times, took his station under the 
organ, before the royal desk. His majesty having his 
eye upon him, in good humour gave Sir Sidney a mo- 
nitory pat on the head with his paper scroll, which soon 
recalled the hero to a sense of the levity of his conduct, 
and excited no little risibility among the audience. 

The conqueror of Acre immediately retired under 
cover of the two Duchesses of Rutland, who thus pro- 
tected the retreat of a man who had never before feared 
the face of man. 



IMPIETY CHECKED. 

A young officer who had joined the army shortly after 
the peace with France in the time of Elizabeth, went to 
the ordinary at the Black Horse Inn, Holborn, where 
the veteran Major Johnson, a brave and pious Scotch- 
man, usually dined. The young gentleman, during 
dinner, started some of his novel opinions, and ventured 
to arraign the dispensations of Providence. The veteran 



74 

at first only cautioned him to speak more respectfully of 
a Being, whom all the rest of the company held in vene- 
ration ; but this did not check his extravagance. The 
major then addressed him in a more serious manner. 
" Young man, do not abuse your Benefactor while you 
are eating his bread. Consider whose air you breathe, 
whose presence you are in, and who it is that gave you 
the power of that very speech which you make use of to 
His dishonour." The pert youth jestingly asked, if he 
was going to preach ; and added, that " he had better 
be cautious of what he said to a man of honour /" " A 
man of honour!" exclaimed the pious veteran ; " thou 
art an infidel and a blasphemer, and I shall treat thee 
as such." This and other words produced a challenge 
from the youth, when they proceeded to the garden to 
measure swords. The old gentleman then desired the 
youth to consider where one pass might send him ; but 
this caution being construed as exhibiting fear on the 
part of the major, his antagonist became the more abu- 
and scurrilous. The major then addressed him, 
" Sirrah ! if a thunderbolt does not strike thee dead 
before I come at thee, I shall not fail to chastise thee 
for thy profaneness to thy Maker, and for thy sauciness to 
wrvanL" Then unsheathing his sword which he 
had used in another cause, he advanced, and with a 
loud voice exclaimed, M The sicord of the Lord and of 



IMPIETY. 75 

Gideon /" at which the young man was so frightened, 
that he was immediately disarmed and thrown upon his 
knees, in which position he begged for his life. This 
the major refused to grant, unless he would ask forgive- 
ness in a short extemporary prayer, dictated by the old 
gentleman ; which the proselyte repeated after him to 
the no small gratification of the company, who had fol- 
lowed them into the garden. 

INSTINCTIVE PIETY. 

Mr. Wesley in his journal gives a relation of an 
odd circumstance that occurred at Rotherham during 
the morning preaching — it was well that only serious 
people were present. 

"An ass walked gravely in at the gate, came up to 
the door of the house, lifted up his head, and stood 
stock still in a posture of deep attention. Might not 
the dumb beast reprove many who have far less decency, 
and not much more understanding]" 

IMPIETY AND CRIME ASSOCIA1 
Although many like circumstances might be related 
that occasionally occur in our own country, we select 
one of recent occurrence, communicated by a correspon- 



''' SIDNB1 AXKCDOTES. 

dent from the French capital, tending to show that 
impietu and crime are generally companions. 

In April last (1829) three men, named Guerin, 
Banden, and Chandelet, robbed and murdered an old 
man, the uncle of Chandelet, named Merger, in his lodge 
at the hotel Vaucason, Rue Charonne. They were 
tried, convicted, and condemned to die. Guerin be- 
haved with much coolness ; Banden declared he was 
innocent; but Chandelet, a small, horrible-looking 
ruffian, laughed, jested, and insulted the court during 
the trial. They were removed to the Conciergerie, and 
made an appeal to the Court of Cassation, which gave 
another month of life, and they were consequently sent 
to the Bicetre, another prison a short distance from 
Paris. There they gave themselves up to amusement, 
in particular Chandelet, who spent all his waking hours 
at cards, being an adept at the polite game of 6carte, so 
much in vogue at the west end of London at present. 
His associates had promised to shorten his already 
numbered days; care was therefore taken to prevent 
their intercourse. Chandelet, although so fond of gaming, 
at intervals employed himself in composing verses ; and 
wrote a song, which he said he would sing on his way 
to the scythe. Their appeal being rejected, after the 
expiration of the month, the fatal day arrived, and at 
half-past eight in the morning the prisoners were placed 



in two carts, roughly constructed. The first movement 
of the horses was the signal for the depraved Chandelet 
to begin his song ; which having finished, he addressed 
one of the soldiers — M Comrade, could you not prevail 
upon three good fellows of your regiment to be 'our 
substitutes to day V and then commenced ridiculing his 
unfortunate companions, who appeared more depressed 
in spirits than he. When they reached the Concier- 
gerie they called for breakfast, a good one being gene- 
rally allowed, and also a bottle of wine, when they 
uniformly choose champagne. Until half-past three, 
Guerin and Banden were engaged with their confessors, 
but Chandelet amused himself in singing, abusing the 

police, the priests, religion, <\c, and in calling 

for more wine. He was offered wine and water, but 
this he indignantly rejected. At half-past three they 
were brought into the press-room, their hair cut off, 
as also the capes of their coats and collars of their 
waistcoats and shirts. Chandelet, contrary to his incli- 
nation, was accompanied to the cart by a priest ; Banden 
fainted, fell, and cut his face, which bled, on which 
Chandelet exclaimed, " What, Banden, are you dead 
already?" The priest besought him to pray, but the 
entreaty was answered by a volley of obscenity, blas- 
phemy, and curses, such as nearly frightened the priest. 
He then went on with his song, partly addressed to the 
h 2 



7ft *U>M > Wi CDOT1 Bi 

mob; telling them, that " while they, a set of vaga- 
bonds, crowded to see three poor fellows die, the friends 
of the sufferers were robbing their houses, who ought to 
be at home earning money to buy shoes ! " Arrived at the 
Square where the guillotine stood, the clergy performed 
their last religious offices, at which this depraved culprit 
only laughed. The fatal axe soon terminated the lives 
of the two first, when Chandelet mounted the steps 
seemingly with great glee, to the amusement of the 
unconvicted ruffians who were looking on. After utter- 
ing a few more obscenities, the axe put an end to his 
crimes and life at once. In another minute the remains 
of this (I hope insane) wretch were placed with those of 
his companions. Thus closed this horrible scene, with- 
out producing, in the breast of any of the French spec- 
tators, male or female, a single mark of pity or remorse ! 



INCONSISTENCY IMPIOUS. 

Two African youths, sons of a prince, being brought 
to the court of France during the reign of Louis XIV., 
the king was so pleased with their noble mien, that he 
caused them to be instructed in letters and Christian 
principles. In due time they were presented with com- 
missions in the guards. The elder, docile and candid, 
imbibed knowledge in art and science, and much 



79 



admired the Christian doctrine on account of the mora- 
lity of its precepts and the good-will it enjoined upon all 
men. A brother officer having on a trifling dispute 
struck him, he, considering it done in the heat of pas- 
sion, did not resent it. Another officer remarked to him 
that his conduct was too mild for a military man ; the 
young Christian negro observed in reply, " Is there 
one religion for soldiers, and another for merchants and 
gownsmen? The good father who instructed me, above 
all things urged the forgiving of injuries ; and assured 
me, it was the very distinguishing characteristic of a 
Christian, not to retaliate, but to love his enemy. " 
" These lessons," said the other, " may suit a monastic 
life, but will not qualify you for the court or the army ; 
and all I add is, that if you do not call your brother 
officer to the field, you will be stigmatised as a coward, 
avoided by all men of honour, and your commission 
will be forfeited." The astonished youth replied, " I 
would fain act consistently in all things ; but since you 
press me with that regard to my honour which you have 
always shown, I will endeavour to wipe off so foul a stain, 
though I confess I gloried in it before." The friend 
carried the challenge. The next morning they measured 
swords, when the brave negro disarmed his opponent. 
JVext day he threw up his commission, and requested to 
be allowed to return to his father, which the king 



HO SIDNB1 wi-vikui >. 

ited with reluctance. On taking his departure he 
embraced his brother and his friend, with the tear of 
affection in his eyes, remarking at the time, that he did 
not suppose that Christians were such unreasonable and 
inconsistent beings ; and that he could not conceive 
how their faith could be of any use to them if it did not 
influence their conduct. " In my country," said he, 
" we think it no dishonour to act agreeably to the prin- 
ciples of our religion !" 



IMPIETY AND PRIDE OF AGRIPPA. 

This king had reigned over all Judea three years, 
when he appointed royal shows in Cncsaria ; on the 
second day of which he, in the morning, entered the 
theatre, robed in a vest of silver. The silver, irradiated 
with the beams of the rising sun, shone so resplendently 
that it excited a sort of horror and awful dread in the 
spectators. His flatterers consequently exclaimed that 
he was a god, and besought him to be propitious to 
them. They had hitherto, they said, revered him only 
as a man, but hereafter should acknowledge that he 
was above the nature of mortality. Agrippa heard these 
speeches, but did neither reprove nor reject the fulsome 
and impious adulation. 

A little time after he raised his eyes, and espied an 



81 



owl over his head. (In his calamity at Rome he had 
seen one, and was told that it was a token of a change 
of his forlorn estate to great honours ; but when he 
should see the bird in that posture the second time, it 
should be the messenger of his death.) Surprised with 
the disagreeable sight, he fell into pains of the heart 
and stomach, and turning to his friends, thus addressed 
them : — " Behold, I your god am ceasing to live ; and 
he whom you now call immortal is dragged unto death"' 
Suffering great pain, he was immediately carried home 
to his palace, where he died five days after, in the fifty- 
fourth year of his age, and the seventh year of his reign. 

IMPIOUS VANITY OF A PHYSICIAN 
RIDICULED. 

Menecrates, the physician, having succeeded in curing 
several persons of deplorable diseases, was named Jupi- 
ter, and so far was he not ashamed to adopt the title 
that he began a letter to king Agesilaus thus : — " Mene- 
crates Jupiter sends to king Agesilaus health ;" who, 
on the other hand, to check his intolerable vanity, re- 
turned answer, " King Agesilaus wisheth to Menecrates 
soundness." The Greek writers affirm that he took an 
oath of such as he cured of the falling sickness that they 
should follow and attend upon him as servants ; and 



82 SIDNEY AMd" i 

they did follow him, some in the habit of Hercules, and 
others in that of Mercury ! Philip of Macedon, per- 
ceiving his vanity, invited him and his own gods to 
supper. Here he was placed at a higher table more 
sumptuously set out, on which was an altar fairer than 
on the others ; on this altar, while the dishes were car- 
rying up to the other tables, divers libations and suffu- 
migations, with incense, were made, until this new deity, 
perceiving the manner in which he was held up to 
derision and ridicule, took his departure, amid the laughs 
and jeers of all present. — Plutarch. 



AN IMPIOUS CHARACTER RECLAIMED BY 
READING AND GOOD COMPANY. 
The Rev. John Gifford, a native of Kent, was a 
major in the king's army, and, with eleven others, was 
imprisoned and sentenced to die, for being engaged in 
the rising in that county. His sister paid him a visit 
the night before the day fixed for his execution. Find- 
ing the outer guard asleep, and those within intoxicated, 
she advised her brother to make his escape. Accord- 
ingly he got into a field, where he lay in a deep ditch, 
concealed for three days, and then, in a disguise, got 
to London, and, shortly after, to near Bedford, where 
some royalists afforded him an asylum. Being a 



83 



stranger in Bedford, he ventured on the practice of 
physic ; but he continued his vicious habits, such as 
drinking, swearing, gaming, <$cc. ; but in the last he 
was generally the loser. Having lost a considerable 
sum one night, he fell into a violent passion, and 
indulged desperate thoughts concerning the providence 
of God. Being led to look into a work written by the 
Rev. Mr. Bolton, his conscience took the alarm, and 
for some weeks he was in great distress of mind ; but, 
at last, he had so clear a view of mercy, through the 
blood of Christ, that his soul was filled with joy and 
peace. After this he sought the company of those who 
feared God ; but they doubting the sincerity of one who 
had lately, by word and deed, opposed the doctrine of 
godliness, would not admit him without much caution. 
Being of a bold spirit, he would not be repulsed, but 
persisted on every opportunity to join them, until, after 
many attempts, they at last became convinced of his 
sincerity, and admitted him to their friendship. Shortly 
after this, he began in private to expound the word of 
God, and then in a more public manner, which was 
attended with benefits to many who became believers. 
In 1650, Mr. GifTord and eleven other grave Christians 
appointed a day for solemnly forming themselves into a 
Christian society, to lay the foundation of a gospel 
church : they met, and after fervent prayer, they gave 



84 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

themselves up to the Lord and to one another, accord- 
ing to the will of God. They with one consent cho 
Gifford for their pastor and elder, to minister to them 
in the things of the kingdom of Christ, which he accepted, 
and gave himself up to the Lord and the service of the 
church on earth. The principles of this fellowship 
were, a profession of faith in Christ, attended with 
holiness of life. Mr. GifTord continued with them 
until his death, which took place on the 21st Sep- 
tember, 1656. 



IMPIOUS ASSUMPTION OF DIVINITY. 

Flavils Domitiams having ascended the imperial 
throne, remarried his wife, whom he had divorced, and 
on bringing her home, was not ashamed to say in public 
that she was M called to liis pulviner t ' % (a bed on which 
the statues of the gods were laid during the solemn 
games exhibited to them.) Upon the day when he 
made a great feast to the people, he was well pleased to 
hear their acclamations throughout the amphitheatre, 
u All happiness to our Lord and Lady." When, in the 
name of his procurators, he indited any formal letters, 
he thus commenced them : M Our Lord and God thus 
commandeth." And it was afterwards ordered, that 



35 



neither in the writing or speech of any man he should 
be otherwise designated ! — Suetonius. 

Caligula, the emperor, caused the statues of the 
gods, amongst which was that of Jupiter Olympius, to 
be brought out of Greece. Having commanded their 
heads to be taken off, he ordered his own to be set on in- 
stead ; and, standing betwixt Castor and Pollox, he 
exhibited himself to be worshipped by such as resorted 
thither. He also erected a temple, and instituted 
priests and sacrifices to his service. In his temple 
there was his image in gold, taken to the life, which 
was clad every day in the same attire as he used him- 
self. His sacrifices were phoenicopters, peacocks, bus- 
tards, turkies, pheasants, which were offered daily ! 

Suetonius. 



IMPIOUS SUICIDE. 

The philosopher Empedocles having cured Panthias, 
of Agrigentum, of a desperate disease, perceiving that 
in consequence of it he began to be reverenced as a 
god, he became vain of immortality and glory. In 
order to be supposed iranslated into the number of the 
gods, he threw himself into the burning crater of Mount 
Etna ! 



86 SIDNEY ANr.( I o 

IMPIOUS INSCRIPTION. 

Pope Adrian the sixth having erected a college at 
Lovian, caused an inscription to be graven on the 
gates thereof, in letters of gold, " Trajectum plantavit, 
Lovanium rigavit, C.tsar dedit incrementum ;" an im- 
pious parody on the expression of St. Paul, in his 
Epistle to the Corinthians. '* Utrecht planted me* 
Lovian watered me y \ and Cirsar gave increase "\ One 
who had noticed the ingratitude and impiety of the 
language, thus endeavoured to expose his folly, by 
writing underneath, " Hie Deus nihil fecit." Here 
God did nothing. 



THE BIBLE THE ORIGIN AND PRESERVER 

of the Learning at present ix tin: 

WORLD. 

Many of those who have made the greatest preten- 
sions to learning have professed themselves enemies to 
Revelation. It is not, indeed, difficult to account for 
their rejection of a religion which is all humility, and 

* Here Adrian was born. 

t There he received his education. 

X The emperor preferred him. 



87 



by no means calculated to please such as consider the 
applause of men as the most valuable object, and who 
pride themselves on the infallibility of their own intel- 
lects. To the bold, the conceited, and the half -learned 
pretender to philosophy, who is weak enough to think his 
reason commensurate to every object which falls under 
its notice, that system which requires the exercise of 
faith, more than that of reason, appears, as the Scrip- 
tures themselves observe, foolishness. Pride, and a very 
silly pride, such, indeed, as arises from narrow views of 
things, and an ignorance of human nature, is the foun- 
dation of infidelity. 

It is, however, no less ungrateful than foolish 
and wicked in the sons of learning to devote their 
abilities to the extermination of the Christian religion ; 
for it is really true that all the ancient learning which 
now remains, was preserved by some peculiar circum- 
stances attending the propagation of Christianity ; and 
I believe it will be thought very probable, that if the 
ancient languages, and the books written in them, had 
been entirely lost, the civilised nations of Europe would 
still have continued in a state of darkness and barba- 
rism. Real superstition would then, indeed, have 
reigned triumphant ; and the philosopher, as he calls 
himself, who is now writing down Christianity, would 
have been trembling at witches and goblins, spells and 



88 SIDNEY ANECDOTIS. 

enchantments. lie makes use of that very light which 
has directed his steps in the paths of learning, to dis- 
cover the most probable means of extinguishing the 
source of all illumination ! 

I was led into this train of reflections by the perusal 
of a charge of a late very learned archdeacon of London, 
in which he evinces that our Saviour spoke most truly, 
in more senses than one, when he said of himself, " I am 
the light of the world." 

When any species of literary industry is considered 
as a duty founded on religion, care will be taken to 
preserve those parts of literature which, from the indo- 
lence and infirmity of the human mind, might have been 
lost amidst revolutions, persecutions, distress, and the 
fury of conquest. In every difficulty the Christians fled 
for comfort to their Scriptures, and watched over them 
with peculiar vigilance. The Septnugint preserved in 
the worst times a knowledge of the Greek ; and the l^atin 
translations, which were multiplied with avidity, rescued 
the Latin language from a total oblivion. Josephus was 
studied, and therefore preserved by the Christians more 
carefully than by the Jeus ; and the necessity of Greek 
for the understanding of the New Testament, caused that 
language not only to be saved from the ravages of time, 
but also to be studied with devout attention. The 
fathers of the church wrote in Greek during three centu- 



IMPIETY. 89 

ries ; and at a time when the Latin language was gradu- 
ally decaying, the Latin fathers contributed something 
to its restoration, and wrote, as well as their coeval 
writers among the Pagans, not indeed with Augustan 
eloquence, but still well enough to preserve a skill in 
the construction and vocabulary of that language. A 
considerable knowledge of history, and something of 
chronology and philosophy, was necessary in studying and 
defending the Scriptures even in the earliest ages, and 
many Christians appeared well skilled in these parts of 
learning, at a time when they were generally neglected. 

Religion and conscience operated as a stimulus, when 
all other motives were insufficient to retard the mind in 
its swift progress down the declivity. With a view, and 
solely with a view, to enable ecclesiastics to read and 
understand the Scriptures, even in the most dismal 
night of ignorance, there were some places of instruction 
in cathedrals and monasteries, in which the embers of 
literature, if we may venture to use that expression, 
were preserved from total extinction ; in which a spark 
lay latent, which was one day to become a light to 
lighten the universe. 

The little learning of these unfortunate ages, though 

it did not enable the persons who possessed it to taste 

and understand the beauties of the ancient poets and 

philosophers, yet gave them some idea of the value of 

i 2 



N 



SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 



books in general, and enabled them to transcribe, with 
tolerable accuracy, even what they did not accurately 
understand. 

Thus were those inestimable treasures of all elegance 
and pleasing knowledge, the old Greek and Latin 
authors, handed down to ages more blessed ; to those 
who were able to unlock them, and pour out their riches 
for the general utility. Nor are we indebted to the 
Christians for the Classics only, but also for the Roman 
law, and the codes of Justinian and Theodosius. Books, 
which were destroyed by ignorant and angry kings and 
conquerors, found a safe asylum in religious houses ; 
and even monkery, which has been justly reprobated as 
one of the follies of human nature, became, under the 
direction of Providence, the instrument of many of those 
blessings which now contribute greatly to the happiness 
and dignity of an enlightened empire. 

The revival of learning, as it is termed, or its emanci- 
pation from churches and monasteries, and general dif- 
fusion over the world, is greatly owing to the efforts of 
ecclesiastics. There arose in that auspicious morning 
a constellation of polite and profound Christian scho- 
lars, whose effulgence has scarcely been outshone by 
any succeeding luminaries in the literary horizon. 

The best scholars of modern times, not only in theo- 
logy, but in every part of human learning, have been 



91 



Christian divines. They were led by their pursuit of 
religious knowledge into the collateral paths of philo- 
sophy, philology, and all elegant and useful literature. 

It is to the piety of Christians that we owe the vener- 
able foundations of schools and colleges ; those institu- 
tions which, though they have often been perverted, 
have still kept the light burning like the vestal fire, and 
handed the torch from one generation to another, like 
the runners in the torch-race. It was the love of Christ 
which taught those towers to rise on the banks of the 
Cam and the Isis, and planted seminaries of learning in 
every considerable town throughout the kingdom. To 
the gospel, then, says the learned divine who suggested 
this subject, and to those who embraced it, are due our 
grateful acknowledgments for the learning that is at pre- 
sent in the world. 

The infidels educated in Christian countries owe that 
learning they have to Christianity, and act the part of 
those brutes, which, when they have sucked the dam, 
turn about and strike her. — Knox. 



CONVERSION BY RIDICULE. 

An eminent clergyman, (Mr. Perkins), who zealously 
preached the gospel, in after life, was in his youth a 
scholar at Cambridge, and much accustomed to habits of 



92 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

intoxication. Walking one day in the skirts of the 
town, he heard a woman thus address her froward and 
peevish child : " Hold your tongue, or I will give you 
to drunken Perkins yonder." Finding himself become 
a by-word among the people, his conscience was deeply 
impressed, and this was the first step towards his con- 
version. 

AN IMPENITENT ATHEIST!!! 

Mahomet Effendi, a man well skilled in the oriental 
learning, most impudently, in all places where he came, 
inveighed bitterly against the existence of God ; and one 
of his principal arguments to uphold this blasphemous 
principle was, that if there was a God, and he so wise 
and omnipotent as his priests declared him to be, he 
would never suffer him to live that was the greatest 
enemy and reproacher of a deity in the world, but would 
strike him dead with thunder, or, by some other dreadful 
punishment, would make him an example to others. 
He was at last condemned to die, but might have saved 
his life by acknowledging his error and promising a 
reformation ; but he rather chose to die a martyr for his 
wicked principles, and so was executed. 

Ricaut. Turk. Hist. 



93 



OPPRESSION AND SACRILEGE. 

Agathocles came suddenly upon the Liparenses, and, 
without any cause, made an exaction of fifty talents of 
silver. In requesting a delay for the payment of part 
of the money, they stated that they could not at present 
furnish so great a sum, unless they made free with such 
gifts as had been devoted to the gods, and which they 
had not been in the habit of so using. 

The invader, nevertheless, compelled them to pay all 
immediately, though part of the money was inscribed 
with the names of (Eolus and Vulcan ; so, having re- 
ceived it, he set sail from them ; but a mighty wind 
and storm arose, whereby the ten ships that carried the 
money were all dashed in pieces ; whereupon it was said, 
that (Eolus (the god of the winds) had taken immediate 
vengeance upon him, and that Vulcan remitted his until 
his death ; for Agathocles was afterwards burnt alive in 
his own country ! — Diodorus Siculus. 

DIONYSIUS' SACRILEGE. 

Dionysius, the tyrant of Syracuse, having rifled the 
temple of Proserpina, in Locris, and sailing thence with 
a prosperous wind, addressed his friends with a smile : 
M See what a good voyage the gods grant to them that 
are sacrilegious." From Jupiter Olympus he pulled off 



94 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

a garment of gold of great weight, which Hiero, king of 
Syracuse, had dedicated out of the spoils of the Cartha- 
ginians, and instead thereof caused a woollen one to be 
put upon him, saying, that " a garment of gold was too 
heavy in summer, and too cold in winter ; but a woollen 
one was convenient for both seasons. " He caused the 
golden beard of Esculapius, at Epidaurus. to be taken 
off, saying, '* It was not fit that he should have a beard, 
when his father, Apollo, was beardless." lie took out 
of the temples, also, the tables of gold and silver ; and 
thereon being wrote ( according to the custom of Greece) 
" that these were the goods of the gods," he said, " he 
would make use of their goodness." Also the golden 
goblets and crowns which the statues held out in their 
hands he took from thence, saying, " he did but receive 
what was given" and that it was great folly to refuse 
what was proffered from their hands, to whom we pray 
that we may receive. — Valerius Maximus. 



IMPIETY OF CAMBYSES. 

Cambyses, king of Persia, having conquered Egypt, 
and observing the ox that was consecrated to Apis, he 
smote him on the hip, so that he died ; the more wicked 
in this, that what he did to that idol beast he did as he 
supposed to the true God, in contempt of all religion. 



95 



But not long after, the counterfeit Snerdis retailing 
against him, and having seized the greatest part of 
Persia, as Cambyses was mounting his horse, with a 
purpose of marching against him, his sword fell out of 
the scabbard, the same sword with which he had before 
slain the ox ; by this he received a wound in his hip, in 
the same place wherein he had given one to the ox, and 
of this wound in a short time he died. — Herodotus. 



RELIGIOUS SPORTS FATAL. 

Antoninus Commodus had notonly abused himself divers 
other ways, but even in the midst of the solemnities of 
religion he could not abstain from impiety. When he 
sacrificed to Isis, the image of which he carried, he with 
it beat the heads of the priests, and forced them to pelt 
one another with pine-apple nuts, (which, according to 
the rites of their religion, they carried in their hands), 
that some of them died by it ! 

By this and other wicked acts of his, he was grown 
into that hatred, that he lost his life as he lay in bed, 
slain by such as were about him, to the great joy of the 
people of Rome. His body, after it had lain some time 
unburied, was cast into the Tiber. 



96 HONEY anecdotic. 

AN IMPIOUS BOASTER. 

It is said of Frederick, the emperor, that he stated 
there were three principal impostors — Moses, Christ, and 
Mahomet — who, in order that they might rule the world, 
had deduced all those that lived in their times. And 
Henry, the landgrave, heard him speak it, that if the 
princes of the empire would adhere to his institutions, 
he would ordain and set forth another and better way, 
both for faith and manners. — Burton's Anatomy. 



NERO'S IMPIETY AND SUICIDE. 

The emperor Nero spoiled temples and altars, without 
discrimination, and thereby showed that religion was not 
only despised, but also hated by him. Nor did he spare 
that Syrian goddess which he worshipped, but sprinkled 
the face of her with urine. By these and the like means 
he became hUed both of God and men, so that the 
people of Rome revolted from him, whereby he was com- 
pelled to a fearful and miserable flight ; and, fearing 
they would inflict on him torments worse than death, he 
laid violent hands on himself. 



97 



A CARDINAL SAYING. 

A cardinal, making a pompous entry into Paris, when 
the people were more pressingly earnest than usual for 
his fatherly benediction, said, " Quando quidem hie 
populus vult decipi, decipiatur in nomine diaboli." 
Since these people will be fooled, let them be fooled in 
the devil's name ! — Clark's Mirror. 



HELIOGABULUS' IMPIETY. 

This emperor must needs be married to one of the 
vestal virgins. He caused the perpetual fire, which was 
ever preserved burning in honour of Vesta, to be put 
out ; and, as one that intended to wage war with the 
gods, he violated indifferently all the rights and cere- 
monies of religion in Rome ; by which impiety he so 
provoked gods and men against him, that he was as- 
saulted and slain by his own soldiers. 



LEO THE TENTH ; HIS EXTORTION, 
HYPOCRISY, AND IMPIETY. 

Pope Leo the tenth, while admiring the huge mass of 
money which, by his indulgencies, he had raked toge- 
ther, thus atheistically addressed Cardinal Bembus : — 
" Vide quantum liaec Fabula de Christo nobis yrofuit." — 



98 SIDNEY ANKCDOTFS. 

See what a deal of wealth we have gotten by this fable 
of Christ ! And when he lay upon his death bed, the 
same cardinal rehearsing a text of Scripture to comfort 
him, his reply was, " Apage lias nngus de Christo." — 
Away with these baubles concerning Christ !" — Clark'8 
Mirror. 



THE SACRILEGE OF URACII A. 

Uracha, queen of Aragon, made war with her son 
Alphonsus ; and when she wanted money, she deter- 
mined to rifle the shrine of St. Isidore, at Leon, in 
Spain. Such as went with her feared to touch those 
treasures ; she, therefore, with her own hands, seized 
upon many things, but as she was going out of the 
temple she fell down dead t So dangerous is it to adven- 
ture upon that which we ourselves are persuaded is 
sacrilege, though it should not be so in itself. 

ALPHONSUS' IMPIOUS SPEECH. 

Alphonsus, the tenth king of Spain, would usually 
blame pboviDBWCE, and say, that M had he been present 
with Almighty God in the creation of the world, many 
things should have been better ordered and disposed 
than they were." Bat let it be observed that he was 



IMPIETY. 99 

thrust out of his kingdom, made a private man, died in 
infamy, and hated by all men. 

ROBBING A STATUE. 

Leo IV., emperor of Constantinople, in shew of jest, 
flike another Dionysius) took off the crown from the 
head of St. Sophia, which had been made by former 
princes in honour of her, not without vast expenses, and 
afterwards wore it upon his own head. But his im- 
piety passed not without its punishment, for instead of 
gems, carbuncles and envenomed pustules broke out on 
every part of his head, so that he was constrained 
thereby to lay aside his crown, and also to depart the 
world. 



TURKISH IMPIETY. 

Mahomet II. being repulsed by the inhabitants of Scodra 
on a furious assault made on that city, wished that he had 
never heard of the name Scodra, and in his choler and 
frantic rage most horribly blasphemed against God, and 
impiously said, that it was enough for God to take care 
of heavenly things, and not to cross him in his worldly 
actions. He kept no promise farther than for his ad- 



100 MONTY AM.CroTKS. 

vantage, and took all occasions to satisfy his lust 

Knowles's Turkish History* 



A COVETOUS AND IMPIOUS GENERAL. 

M. Crassus, the Roman general, being on a military 
expedition into Parthia, in passing through Judea his 
covetousness excited him to commit sacrilege, so that he 
rifled the temple of Jerusalem of the treasures that were 
laid up in it ; but divine vengeance had him in chace 
for it ; for, not long after, he was overcome in battle by 
the Parthians, when he lost both his fame and life, 
together with his ill-gotten goods ; and, being found by 
his enemies when dead, had molten gold poured into his 
mouth to upbraid his covetousness. 



HEATHEN TEMPLE 
SACRILEGIOUSLY PLUNDERED. 

The temple of Delphos having been spoiled by Philo- 
melus, Onomarchus, and Phaillus, they were visited 
with divine punishment. 

The ordained punishment of the sacrilegious was, that 
they should die by being thrown headlong from some high 
place, or by being choked in the water, or burnt to ashes 



101 



in the fire. Not long after having committed this 
plunder one of them was burnt alive, another drowned, 
and the third thrown headlong from an high and steep 
place ; so that by these kinds of death they suffered 
according to that law whieh, amongst the Grecians, was 
made against sacrilege. 



HEATHEN SACRILEGE PREVENTED. 

Carabyses sent ffty thousand soldiers to pull down 
the temple of Jupiter Ammon ; but the whole number 
having halted to take their repast before they came to 
the place, betwixt Oasis and the Ammonians, they 
perished there under the vast heaps of sand that the 
wind blew upon them, so that not so much as one of 
them escaped, and the news of the calamity was only 
known to the neighbouring nations. 



THE STABLE PREFERRED TO THE ALTAR. 

Theophylast, son of the emperor, by the absolute 
power of his father, was seized of the patriarchate of 
Constantinople. He then became a merchant of horses, 
which he so violently affected, that besides the pro- 
digious race of two thousand, which he ordinarily bred, 
he sometimes left the altar, where he sacrificed to the 
k2 



|(»'2 BIDN] OTES. 

living God, to hasten to see some mare of his that had 
foaled in the stable ! 



IMPIETY AND REBELLION CRUELLY 

PUNISHED. 

Paulus Graocus had revolted from Bamba, king of 
of the Goths, usurped the title of the king of Spain, 
and, besides other evil actions of his life, had taken out 
of a temple, in the city of Gerunda, a crown, which 
the devout king Bamba had consecrated to St. Felix. 

Not long after he was duly rewarded for it, for he 
was taken by Bamba, against whom he had rebelled ; 
he was brought from Nemausis, a city in France, to 
Toledo, in Spain, crowned with a diadem of pitch, his 
eyes put out, riding upon a camel with his face turned 
towards the tail, and followed all along with the re- 
proaches and derision of all that beheld him. 

ATHEISM AND IMMORALITY. 

Bulco Opiliensis, some time Duke of Silesia, appears 
to have been a confirmed atheist. " He lived," saith 
.Eneas Sylvius, " at Uralislavia, and was so mud that 
he believed neither heaven nor hell, or that the soul was 
immortal, but married wives, and sent them away as he 



103 



thought proper, did murder and mischief, and whatso- 
ever he himself took pleasure to do." — Burton's Ana- 
tomy. 



DR. JOHNSON'S SUMMARY OF RELIGION. 

The great task of him who conducts his life by the 
precepts of religion is to make the future predominate 
over the present, to impress upon his mind as strong a 
sense of the importance of obedience to the Divine will, 
as may overbear all the temptations which temporal 
hope and fear may bring in his way, and enable him to 
bid equal defiance to joy and sorrow, to turn away at 
one time from the allurements of ambition, and push for- 
ward at another, against the threats of calamity. 

EVIDENCES OF CHRISTIANITY. 

FROM WILBERFORCE. 

One argument in favour of Christianity impresses my 
mind with particular force, and perhaps is not very com- 
monly noticed, namely, the great variety of the kinds of 
evidence adduced in proof of Christianity, and the con- 
firmation hereby afforded of its truth, such as the proof 
from prophecy, from miracle, from the character of Christ 
and his apostles, from the nature and excellency of its 



104 SIDNEY v 

practical precepts, from the accordance between the doc- 
trinal and practical systems of Christianity, whether 
considered each in itself or in their mutual relation to 
each other ; from other species of internal evidence ; 
from the accounts of contemporary, or nearly contem- 
porary writers ; from the impossibility of accounting 
(on any other supposition than that of the truth of 
Christianity) for its promulgation and early prevalence ; 
— these and other arguments have all been brought 
forward and ably argued by different writers, in propor- 
tion as they have struck the minds of different observers 
more or less forcibly. Now, supposing that some 
obscure and illiterate man, residing in a distant province 
of the Roman empire, had plotted to impose a forgery 
on the world ; though some foundation for the imposture 
might have been attempted to be laid, yet it is morally 
impossible that so majiy different species of proofs, and all 
so strong, should have lent their concurrent aid, and 
have united their joint force to establish a falsehood. 
It may assist the reader in estimating the value of this 
argument to consider upon how different and inferior a 
footing has rested every other religious system, without 
exception, which was ever proposed to the world, and 
indeed every other historical fact of which the truth has 
been at all contested. ,, 



105 



FROM PALEY. 

" What is clear in Christianity we shall find to be 
sufficient, and to be infinitely valuable. What is 
dubious, unnecessary to be decided, or of very subordi- 
nate importance, and what is most obscure, should teach 
us to bear with the different opinions which others may 
have formed upon the same subject." 



M. HENRY'S OPINION OF RELIGION. 

Religion is the best thing in the world ; it forbids 
nothing but what would injure our minds, and enjoins 
nothing what tends to give them force and vigour. 
True religion is the only remedy against sin y the best phi- 
losophy of the wise, the comfort of the ajfiicled, the 
strength of the weak, the riches of the poor y and the 
support of the dying. Religion gives pari of its reward 
in hand here below, and gives the best security for the 
rest above. It is best understood when most practised. 

Religion would have no enemies if it were not an 
enemy to vice. — Massillon. 



SIDNEY ANLLOOTES. 

DR. WATSON'S CONTRAST BETWEEN NEW- 
TON AND PA INK. 

The Bishop of Landaff, in a sermon in the chapel of 
the London Hospital, on the 8th April, and published 
in 1803, thus makes the contrast between Paine as an 
unbeliever, and Newton as a believer in Christianity. 

44 I think myself justified in saying that a thousand 
such men are, in understanding, but as dust in the ba- 
lance when weighed against Newton ;" a most evident 
truth and worthy the public consideration. 



OPPOSITION TO CONVICTION. 

We have many evidences of the candour of the in- 
spired writers in their relating their own errors, and 
those of others who were the highly favoured objects 
of divine grace. Some were guilty of very heinous 
offences against the law of God, with which they were 
well acquainted, and the obligation nf which they fully 
admitted. 

We have a very remarkable instance in the history of 
Saul, king of Israel, also a prophet, who knew that he 
was appointed by divine authority to govern the king- 
dom. He also well knew, ond often expressed his con- 
viction that the Almighty had decreed that David should 
succeed him, to the exclusion of his own family. Under 



107 



the full impression of this conviction, he yet madly 
made attempts to counteract the declared will 
and determination of God, by endeavouring to 
cause the death of David, and also attempting his life 
with his own hand ! Vain, impious man, thus cog- 
noscent, to wage unequal strife with one who ne'er was 
foiled by force or craft, of strong or subtile foe ! Did 
not Pilate also act against conviction when he yielded 
to the demand of the Jews, by delivering Christ up to 
suffer death 1 Of this he gave evidence by the inscrip- 
tion on the cross, — " This is Jesus of Nazareth, the 
king of the Jews ;" which he refused to alter, saying, 
" what I have written I have written !" 



JUVENILE IMPIETY. 

The aged prophet Elisha, on his way from Jericho to 
Bethel, was assailed with the insolent mockings of a 
number of little children, who it appears had not been 
taught to reverence the aged. 

" There came forth little children out of the city, 
and mocked him, saying, Go up thou bald-head, go up 
thou bald-head." — 2 Kings ii. 23. 

They appear to have been numerous, for on the vener- 
able prophet's turning to reprove them, forty-two of 
their number were punished by the two she bears that 



108 BIDMB1 AMii.oi i I. 

issued from ihe wood. The fact, as narrated by the 
Meted historian, appears to have been gives to shew 
that this kind of impiety was as much the abhorrence 
of the Divine Being as the insult offered to the vener- 
able prophet, as the servant of the Most High ! 



THE HON. ROBERT BOYLE. 

This celebrated philosopher, whom Dr. Boerhaave 
styled " the ornament of his age and country," shewed 
his regard for religion by founding a lecture at St. 
Paul's in defence of the gospel against unbelievers, 
without any regard to differences among Christians, 
and also spent large sums for spreading the Christian 
aeligion among the heathen. The design of the lectures, 
as expressed by a codicil annexed to his will in 1691, is 
" to prove the truth of the Christian religion against 
infidels, without descending to any controversies among 
Christians, and to answer new difficulties, scruples, &c. 
To this appointment we are indebted for many learned 
and able defences both of natural and revealed religion, 
— '* Which," says Boerhaave, " of Mr. Boyle's writings 
shall I recommend? All of them. — To him we owe the 
secrets of fire, air, water, animals, vegetables, fossils ; 
so that from his works may be deduced the whole system 
of natural knowledge. 



109 



He was one of the original founders of the Royal 
Society, in 1645. At the restoration he was strongly 
solicited to enter into holy orders, with the offer of con- 
siderable advancement, but though he was a Christian 
upon principle, yet he chose rather to pursue his studies 
as a layman ; thinking also, that what he should say 
or write in behalf of religion, would have more weight 
as coming from one in that condition than from a 
clergyman. He died December 30, 1691, and was 
buried in the church of St. Martin's in the Fields. 
The funeral sermon was preached by Dr. Burnet, Bishop 
of Salisbury, who gives a very copious and elegant 
account of the character, talents, and virtues of this 
amiable man. 



KING JOHN ; THE VALUE OF HIS RELIGION. 

John, king of England, having been a short time 
before reconciled to the pope, and then receiving an 
overthrowin France, exclaimed in great anger, " Nothing 
has prospered with me since I was reconciled to God 
and the pope." 

Being also, on a time of hunting, at the opening of a 
fat buck — "See," said he, "how the deer hath pros- 
pered, and how fat he is ; and yet, I dare say, he hath 
never heard mass." 

L 



1 10 1IDNJ \ a 

He is said, in some distress, to have sent Thomas 
Hardington and Ralph Fit! Nichols, knights, on an 
embassy to Miramumalim, king of Africa and Morocco, 
with offer of his kingdom, upon condition that he would 
come and aid him ; and, that if he prevailed, he would 
become a Mahometan and renounce the Christian faith. 

The end of him was, that he was poisoned by a monk 
at Swinstead Abbey, in Lincolnshire. — Baker's Chronicle, 
and Stou'e. 



HOBBES, DR. JOHN WALLIS'S REMARKS ON 
HIS WRITINGS. 

Dr. Wallis, the mathematician, in a letter dated 
Oxford, Nov. 30, 1680, and addressed to Mr. (after- 
wards archbishop) Tenison, thus writes: — "Sir, I re- 
ceived yours of the 25th of November, and approve the 
design. The life you speak of I have not seen, nor do 
I know that I ever saw the man (Mr. Hobbes.) Of his 
writings I have read very little, save what relates to 
mathematics. By that I find him to have been of a 
bold and daring fancy to venture at any thing, but he 
wanted judgment to understand the consequence of an 
argument, and to speak consistently with himself. 
Whereby, his argumentations, which he pretends to be 
demonstrative, are very often but weak and incoherent 



Ill 



discourses, and destructive in one part, of what is said 
in another, sometimes within the compass of the same 
page or leaf. This is more convincingly evident (and 
unpardonable) in mathematics than in other discourses, 
which are things capable of cogent demonstration ; and 
so evident, that though a good mathematician may be 
subject to commit an error, yet one who understands 
but little of it, cannot but see a fault when it is shown 
him. 'For,' (they are his own words : Leviathan, part 
1, cap. 5, p. 21.) ' who is so stupid as both to mistake 
in geometry, and also to persist in it when another de- 
tects his error to him V Now, when so many hundred 
paralogisms and false propositions have been shewed 
him in his mathematics, by those who have written 
against, and that so evidently, that no one mathematician 
at home or abroad (no, not those of his intimate friends) 
have been found to justify him in any one of them, 
which makes him somewhere say of himself, ' Aut ego 
solus insanio, aut solus non insanio ;' he hath yet been 
so stupid (to use his own word) to persist in them, and 
to repeat and defend them : particularly, he hath first 
and last given us near twenty quadratures of the circle, 
of which some few, though false, have been coincident 
(which, therefore, I repute for the same, only differently 
disguised), but more than a dozen of them are such as 
no two of them are consistent : and yet he would have 



1 1*2 > 1 1) N L VAN l.C DOTES. 

them thought to be all true. Now either he thought so 
himself (and then you must take him to be a person of 
a very shallow capacity, and not such a man of reason 
as he would be thought to be) or else, knowing them to 
be false, was obstinately resolved, notwithstanding, to 
maintain them as true (and he must then be a person 
of no faith or hojiesty) ; and if he argues at this rate in 
mathematics, what are we to expect in his other dis- 
courses ? Nor am I the first who have taken notice of 
his incoherent way of discourse and illogical inferences. 
Mr. Boyle, in his Examen of Mr. Ilobbes's Dialogus 
Physicus de Natura Aeris, p. 15 (and I think else- 
where, though I do not remember the place), refers to 
Dr. Ward's Dissertatio in Philosophiam Hobbianam, 
p. 188, who voucheth Des Cartes to the same purpose ; 
' Nempe hoc est quod alicubi admiratus est magnus 
Cartesius nusquam eum, sive verum, sive falsum 
posuerit, recte aliquid ex suppositionibus Academiarum,' 
against one Webster, with some animadversions on Mr. 
Hobbes. He had, in his younger days, some insight in 
mathematics, and which, at that time, (when few had 
any) passed for a great deal, on the credit of which he 
did much bear himself up as a great man, and having 
somewhat singular ; and therefore despised divines, as 
not being philosophers, or not mathematicians, without 
which he would have thought it impossible to do any 



113 



good in philosophy ; De Corpore, cap. 6, sect. 6. — 
And so long as he did but talk, and forbear to write, he 
did, by his own report, pass for a mathematician ; but, 
when once he began to write mathematics, he presently 
fell into those gross absurdities, and discovered, in him- 
self, such an incapacity for it as could not have been 
imagined, if he had foreborne to write ; and truly, 1 
look upon it as a great providence that God should leave 
him to so great a degree of infatuation, in that wherein 
he did so much pride himself. For, whereas in dis- 
courses of other subjects, mistakes may be shujjied over 
with a multitude of great words, in mathematics it 
cannot be so ; and, hereby, he discovered himself (with- 
out possibility of palliation) not to be that man of 
reason he would be thought to be. For, though a man 
may be rational, who is not a mathematician (and had 
he not pretended to it his ignorance had been excusable), 
but for so great a -pretender y and who had gloried in it for 
so long a time, and was acquainted with the principles of 
it, from such principles to infer such absurd conclusions, 
must needs argue a want of logic and an incapacity, not 
only to reason well, but even to understand reason. 
And, I guess, it was his affectation of singularity (as 
much as any thing) which made him engage in atheisti- 
cal tenets, that he might seem to be a man of greater 
reach than all the world besides. I know not what to 



114 UDMBV AMBCDO 

add more ; but if this may contribute any thing to your 
satisfaction, it is at your service. 

Yours, to serve you, John Wallis." 

EDWARD GIBBON. 
This elegant writer was born in 1737, at Putney, and 
when very young, was sent to the grammar school at 
Kingston, then to Westminster school, and afterwards 
to Magdalen College, Oxford. Here he contracted the 
principles of popery, which greatly alarmed his father, 
who, to recover him, sent him to a Protestant minister at 
Lausanne, in Switzerland, where he did indeed renounce 
his new creed, but at the same time he abandoned Chris- 
tianity altogether ! Few writers were possessed of such 
popular talents as our historian. His periods are full 
and harmonious ; his language is always well chosen, 
and is frequently distinguished by a new and peculiarly 
happy adaptation. His style, on the whole, is much 
too artificial ; and this gives a degree of monotony to 
his periods, which extends, we had almost said, to the 
turn of his thoughts. A more serious objection is his 
attack upon Christianity ; the loose and disrespectful 
manner in which he mentions many points of morality 
regarded as important on the principles of natural 
religion; and the indecent allusions and expression 
which too often occur in the work. An attack upon 



115 



Christianity is not always to be complained of as such ; 
it may proceed from honest motives ; but in that case 
the attack will never be carried on in an insidious 
manner, and with improper weapons, and Christianity 
itself, so far from dreading, will invite every mode of fair 
and candid discussion. Our historian, it must be con- 
fessed, often makes, when he cannot readily find, an 
opportunity to insult the Christian religion. Such, 
indeed, is his eagerness in the cause, that he stoops to 
the most despicable pun, or to the most awkward per- 
version of language, for the pleasure of turning the 
Scripture into ribaldry, or calling Jesus an impostor. 
Yet, of the Christian religion he has observed, " that it 
contains a pure, benevolent, and universal system of ethics, 
adapted to every duty and every condition of life." 
Such an acknowledgement, and from such a writer, too, 
ought to have due weight with a certain class of readers, 
and of authors likewise, and lead them seriously to con- 
sider how far it is consistent with the character of good 
citizens to endeavour by sly insinuations, oblique hints y 
indecent sneer, and profane ridicule, to weaken the influ- 
ence of so pure and benevolent a system as that of 
Christianity, acknowledged to be admirably calculated for 
promoting the happiness of individuals, and the welfare 
of society. 

Mr. Hayley thus laments the irreligious spirit by which 
his friend was actuated : — 



116 SIDNEY fctfBODOTES. 

M Think not my verse means bl indly to en 
In rash defence of thy pro fane r page ! 
Though keen her spirit, her attachment fond, 
Base service cannot suit with friendship's bond ; 
Too firm from duty's sacred path to turn, 
She breathes an honest sigh of deep concern, 
And pities genius, when his wild career 
(jives Faith a wound, or Innocence a tear ; 
Humility herself, divinely mild, 
Sublime religion's meek and modest child, 
Like the dumb son of Croesus, in the strife 
Where force assail'd his father's sacred life, 
Breaks silence, and with filial duty warm, 
Bids thee revere her parent's hallowed form." 

Essay on HlSTOItT. 
The part of the history which gave offence to his 
friend, Mr. Ilayley, and to the other friends of the 
Christian religion, was the account givm of the progress 
and establishment of Christianity, in the two last chap- 
ters of the first volume of his history, in which he 
endeavours to prove that the wonderful triumph of that 
religion over all the established religions of the earth, 
was not owing to any miraculous attestations to its truth, 
but to five secondary causes, which he enumerates ; and 
that Christianity of course could not be of divine origin. 
Several learned men opposed him ; but the only one he 
replied to vai Mr. Daviee, who had undertaken to 



IMPIETY. 117 

point out various instances of misrepresentation, inaccu- 
racy, and even plagiarism, in his account. The reply 
was in a tone of proud contempt, and confident supe- 
riority. To this Mr. Davies replied, and it is but justice 
to observe, that his reply bears evident marks of 
learning, judgment, and critical acumen, and that he 
has convicted our author of sometimes quoting inaccu- 
rately to serve a purpose. 

His posthumous memoirs shew how much he felt the 
attacks made on him by Lord Hailes, Dr. White of 
Oxford, and Mr. Taylor. Besides these he was answered 
by Dr. Chelsum, Dr. Randolph, Dr. Watson (bishop 
of Llandaff,) Dr. Priestley, and Mr. Apthorpe ; at these 
he merely glanced, treating Dr. Watson, however, with 
particular respect. 

INI r. Gibbon died in 1794, since which his posthumous 
works have been published by his friend Lord Sheffield. 



GEORGE, LORD LYTTLETON. 

This eminent writer, poet, and historian, was born in 
1709, at Hagley, in Oxfordshire, and was educated at 
Eton and at Oxford. In 1728 he set out on his travels, 
and on his return obtained a seat in parliament, and 
became one of the keenest opponents of Sir Robert 
Walpole. He spoke often in the house on the side of 



118 B1DN11 AN f.( DO] >>. 

opposition, although his father, Sir Thomas Littleton, 
was one of the lords of the admiralty, and voted accord- 
ingly with the ministry. 

When Mr. Pitt, the late Karl of Chatham, lost his 
commission in the guards, inconsequence of his spirited 
behaviour in parliament, Mr. Lyttleton was in wain 
at Leicester house, and, on hearing the circumstance, 
immediately wrote these lines : — 

" Long had thy virtue mark'd thee out for fame 
Far, far superior to a cornet's name : 
This generous Walpole saw ; and, grieved to find 
So mean a post disgrace that noble mind, 
The servile standard from thy freeborn hand 
He took, and bade thee lead the patriot band." 

In 1741 he married Lucy, the sister of Lord For- 
tescue, by whom he had a son and two daughters. His 
amiable wife died in 1747, on which occasion he 
bewailed her loss in a beautiful monody. In 1 749 he 
married the daughter of Sir Robert Rick, but this union 
did not repair the former breach. On the retirement of 
Sir Robert Walpole he was made one of the lords of the 
treasury. 

It was in the year 1747 that he published the work 
which lias been stated to be " superior to all praise," 



IMPIETY. 119 

entitled, " Observations on the Conversion and Apostle- 
ship of St. Paul." 

He acknowledged that in his juvenile days he had 
been led into scepticism ; but mature research and con- 
viction made him a Christian. In 1757 he was raised 
to the peerage. His last literary work was the History 
of Henry II., which, after a great application of twenty 
years, he published in 1764. This work reached a third 
edition in 1768, and does honour to the judgment and 
candour of the author. He also wrote " Poems," the 
" Persian Letters," and " Dialogues of the Dead." 

This eminent ornament of the Christian religion de- 
parted this life in 1770, dying as he had long lived, 
a Christian. 

CELSUS ; HIS EVIDENCE TO 
CHRISTIANITY. 

Celsus was an Epicurean philosopher of the second 
century, and wrote a book against Christianity, which 
was answered by Origen. Celsus, although a most vio- 
lent opposer of Christianity, mentions so many circum- 
stances in the History of Christ, that an abstract of it 
might almost be taken from the fragments of his book 
Aoyog aXijdn, or The True Word, preserved by Origen. 
He never pretends to doubt the real existence of Christ, 
or the truth of the miraculous facts. Now it cannot be 



1-0 SIDNEY am (Do i is. 

supposed that (Ylsus would have admitted the miracles 

of Christ as real fads, had he not been compelled to it 
by the universal consent of all men in the age in which 
he lived ; so that the question with a candid arguer can 
never be whether the miracles be true in fact, but whe- 
ther the truth of the miracles in the circumstances in 
which they were performed infer the divine authority of 
the performer. See Lardner, vol. viii. p. 62, &c. 



JOHN JAMES ROUSSEAU. 
This eccentric genius was the son of a watchmaker 
at Geneva, where he was born in 1712. His education 
though but scanty, he made up for by application. His 
various works exhibit the vile talent of rendering every 
thing problematical, and is particularly conspicuous in 
his Heloisa, in his arguments in favour of, and against 
duelling, which afford an apology for suicide, and a 
just condemnation of it ; in his facility in palliating 
the crime of adultery, and his very strong reasons to 
make it abhorred ; on the one hand, in declamations 
against social happiness, on the other in transports in 
favour of humanity ; here in violent rhapsodies against 
philosophers, there by a rage for adopting their opinions ; 
the existence of God attacked by sophistry, and atheists 
confuted by the most irrefragable arguments ; the 



121 



Christian religion combated by the most speeious objec- 
tions, and celebrated with the most sublime eulogies. 
But this has always been a favorite method of proce- 
dure with unbelievers. By affecting to give the strongest 
reasonings on both sides of a question, and thus enable 
a reader to weigh carefully before he decides, such a 
a writer naturally takes care to give greater force to the 
sceptical side of an argument, and thus compels an unsus- 
pecting reader, who is not aware of the design, to deter- 
mine in favour of principles he should abhor. In his 
Emilia, which appeared in 1762, he exhibits much that 
is valuable, and also that which is absurd, impracticable, 
or dangerous. Here, again, conformably with his 
leading, though disguised object, in affecting to educate 
a young man as a Christian, he has filled his third 
volume with objections against Christianity. He has, 
it must be confessed, given a very sublime eulogium on 
the Gospel, and an affecting portrait of its Divine 
Author ; but the miracles and the prophecies which serve 
to establish his mission he attacks without the least 
reserve. Admitting only natural religion, he weighs 
every thing in the balance of reason ; and this reason, 
being false, leads him into dilemmas very unfavourable 
to his own repose and happiness. From the literary 
history of Rousseau and Voltaire, our readers may learn 
that if a man of genius wishes to degrade, embase, and 



122 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 

brutalize this glorious faculty, he has nothing to tlo 
but to adopt infidel notions ; whereas if he wish, enjoy- 
ing such a requisite, still farther to exalt and ennoble 
his character, he has only to imitate such men as 
Pascal, Newton, and Euler. In 1766 he visited Eng- 
land, on the invitation of Mr. Hume, but remained only 
a short time, owing to his capricious humour, which 
led him to think his best friends were his greatest ene- 
mies. He obtained leave to return to Paris upon con- 
dition of never writing upon religion or government. 
M. Sennebier remarks, " It is somewhat singular to see 
a man so haughty as he returning to the very place from 
whence he had been banished so often. Nor is it one 
of the smallest inconsistencies of this extraordinary 
character that he preferred a retreat in that place of 
which he had spoken so much ill." 

He died of apoplexy, on the 2d July, 1778, aged 
66 years. 

PASCAL AND VOLTAIRE. 

THE DISGRACEFUL CONDUCT OF THE LATTER, IN COR- 
RUPTING " pascal's thoughts." 

The celebrated Blaise Pascal was one of the greatest 
geniuses and best writers, both as a mathematician and 
a philosopher, that France ever produced — he was born 



123 



in 1623, at Clermont, in Auvergne, and his father, who 
was a learned man, was his only teacher. In his 
younger years he applied himself to the study of 
mathematics, and understood Euclid's Elements as soon 
as he cast his eyes upon them. Ill health compelled 
him to relinquish his labours for some years, until at 
last, when about twenty-four years of age, he forsook 
the study of human learning to devote himself to acts 
of devotion and penance. Though he had thus retired 
from the world, he was not indifferent about what was 
going on in it, for in his thirtieth year he published his 
Lettres Provinciate, under the name of Louis de Mon- 
talte, taking the part of the Jansenists against the 
Jesuits, making the latter the subject of his ridicule. 
" These letters," says Voltaire, "may be considered as 
a model of eloquence and humour. Examples of all 
the various specimens of eloquence may be found in the 
work." Towards the close of his life he employed 
himself wholly in devout and moral reflections, writing 
down those he deemed worthy of being preserved. The 
scraps of paper upon which he had written these 
thoughts, were found after his death, in 1662, filed 
upon different pieces of string without any order or con- 
nection, and being copied exactly as they were written, 
they were afterwards arranged and published under the 
title of Pensees, &c. ; or, Thoughts upon Religion and 
other subjects, being parts of a work he had intended 



12 1 BIDNB1 ANLCDOl t Bi 

against Atheists and Infidels, which has been much ad- 
mired. The A bho JSossu, who edited his works in 
1799, says- -"This extraordinary man inherited from 
nature all the powers of genius. In his Thoughts there 
are passages, the depth and beauty of which are in- 
comparable." The celebrated Bayle says — " An hun- 
dred volumes of sermons are not of so much avail as a 
simple life of Pascal." Ilis humility and his devotion 
mortified the libertines more than if they had been 
attacked by a dozen Missionaries. When we consider 
his character we are almost inclined to doubt that he 
was born of a woman, like the man mentioned by 
Lucretius : — ut vix humana videatur stirpe crealus. 

Voltaire, who thought it impossible he could do too 
much towards limiting the influence of Christianity in 
the world, could not suffer so extraordinary and popular 
a book as u Pascal's Thoughts," to be circulated always 
in their original state. He therefore undertook to corrupt 
them in a way that exhibits one of the most singular 
specimens of literary artifice, that has ever been im- 
posed upon the world. The artifice consisted in pub- 
lishing an edition of the Thoughts, with notes by Voltaire 
himself. In this edition he differently arranged, or 
rather disarranged, the Thoughts themselves, so as to 
destroy much of their beauty and force. Some new pas- 
sages were inserted, taken from manuscripts of Pascal, 
to which he had access ; and in the introduction of 



125 



which he has taken care to blend some abominable 
things of h is own invention, for the purpose of making 
Pascal appear as unprincipled a hypocrite as himself ! 
Added to this, he also introduced into the body of the 
work, and under the running title of Pascal's Thoughts, 
a discourse, intended to bring the immortality of the soul 
into question. The phraseology, too, of Pascal, he has 
often changed, and various notes are added here and there, 
in order to make some passages appear laughable, others 
weak, and others absurd. If infidelity can make a man 
of genius stoop to such dirty work as this, what honest 
man must not shudder at the idea of becoming an in- 
fidel 1 Voltaire, as the leader of a new sect, has caused 
a revolution in wit and morals, and whilst he has often 
exerted his powerful talents to promote the cause of 
reason and humanity, to inspire princes with toleration, 
and with horror for war, he has too often exerted him- 
self in extending principles of irreligion, anarchy, and 
libertinism. Ever inconstant, he was the Freethinker 
at London, the Cartesian at Versailles, the pretended 
Christian at Nancy, and the undisguised infidel at Berlin. 
From the high character of the moralist, he frequently 
descended into the buffoon, from the philosopher he be- 
came an enthusiast, from mildness he passed to passion, 
from flattery to satire, from the love of money to the 
love of luxury, from the modesty of a wise man to the 
m2 



Uf> SIDNEY \M( no I l B. 

vanity of an impious wit. It has been said that his 
physiognomy (see frontispiece) partook of that of the 
eagle and of the ape, and his character exhibited him 
occasionally with sensibility, but void of affection ; 
voluptuous, but without passions ; open, without sin- 
cerity ; and liberal, without generosity. As a man of 
letters he must stand on very high ground for versatility 
of talent, for brilliancy of imagination, for astonishing 
ease, for exquisite taste, and for vast extent of know- 
ledge. He died on the 30th May, 1788, and was 
buried at Sellieres, but his remains were, during the 
revolution, removed by a decree of the Convention, to 
the Church of St. Genevieve, at Paris. 

DEISM DELINEATED. 

Deism signifies the doctrine or belief of the Deists. 

Deism, from 0£oc, God, may properly be used to 
denote natural religion, as comprehending those truths 
which have a real foundation in reason and nature ; and 
in this sense it is so far from being opposite to Chris- 
tianity, that it is one grand design of the Gospel to il- 
lustrate and enforce it. Thus some of the deistical 
writers have affected to use it. But deism more pre- 
cisely signifies that system of religion, relating both to 
doctrine and practice, which every man is to discover 
for himself by the mere force of natural reason, inde- 



127 



pendent of all revelation, and exclusive of it ; and this • 
religion Dr. Tindal and others pretend is so perfect, as 
to be incapable of receiving any addition or improve- 
ment even from divine revelation. Deists hold that, 
considering the multiplicity of religions, the numerous 
pretensions to revelation, and the precarious arguments 
generally advanced in proof thereof, the best and surest 
way is to return to the simplicity of nature, and the 
belief of one God, which is the only truth agreed to by 
all nations. They complain that the freedom of think- 
ing and reasoning is oppressed under the yoke of re- 
ligion ; and that the minds of men are ridden and 
tyrannised over by the necessity imposed on them of 
believing inconceivable mysteries, and contend that 
nothing should be required to be assented to, or be- 
lieved, but what their reason clearly conceives. Dr. 
Clarke distinguishes four sorts of deists — 

1 . Those who profess to believe the existence of an 
eternal, infinite, intelligent Being, who made the world, 
without concerning himself in the government of it. 

2. Those who believe the Being, and natural pro- 
vidence of God, but deny the difference of actions as 
morally good or evil, resolving it into the arbitrary con- 
stitution of human laws, and therefore they suppose that 
God takes no notice of them. With respect to both 



128 SIDNEY \M ( D0T1 I. 

these classes, lie observes that their opinions can con- 
sistently terminate in nothing but downright Atheism. 

3. Those who, having right apprehensions of the 
nature, attributes, and all governing providence of God, 
seem also to have some notion of his moral perfections ; 
though they consider them as transcendent, and such 
in nature and degree, that we can form no true judg- 
ment nor argue with any certainty concerning them ; 
but they deny the immortality of human souls ; alleging 
that men perish at death, and that the present life is the 
whole of human existence. 

4. Those who believe the existence, perfections, and 
providence of God, the obligations of natural religion, 
and a state of future retribution, on the evidence of the 
light of nature, without a divine revelation. Such as 
these, he says, are the only true deists ; but their prin- 
ciples, he apprehends, should lead them to embrace 
Christianity, and therefore he concludes that there is 
now no consistent scheme of deism in the world. 

The first deistical writer of any note that appeared in 
this country was Herbert, baron of Cherbury, who lived in 
the last century. His work, u De Veritate," was first pub- 
lished at Paris, in 1624. His celebrated work, " De 
Religione Gentilium," was published at Amsterdam, in 
1663, and an English translation appeared in London, 



129 



in 1705. As he was one of the first that formed deism 
into a system, and asserted the sufficiency, universality, 
and absolute perfection of natural religion, with a view to 
discard all extraordinary revelation as useless and needless, 
we shall subjoin the five fundamental articles of this uni- 
versal religion. The 1st is, That there is one supreme God. 
2. That He is chiefly to be worshipped. 3. Th^t piety 
and virtue are the principal part of his worship. 4. That 
we must repent of our sins ; and if we do so, God will 
pardon them. 5. That there are rewards for good men, 
and punishments for bad men, both here and hereafter. 
The positions of this and many other deists have been 
examined with much ability by Dr. Leland, in his 
"View of the Deistical writers." But we are not sure 
that we need refer even our hesitating readers to this 
work, satisfactory as most of his arguments are. Many 
of the deistical writers would have been forgotten long 
before this, had they not been kept in recollection by 
Dr. Leland's work. We have always thought the 
preserving vipers in spirits a disgusting practice, and 
we are besides convinced that every collect reasoner, 
whose turn of mind is not biassed by previous indulgence 
in vice, on comparing the difficulties and supports of 
the purest deism (that of Herbert) with those of Chris- 
tianity, will find abundant reason to prefer the latter, 
and to say in the language of Scripture. " Their rock 



130 MONEY ANECDOTES. 

is not as our rock, our enemies themselves being 
judges !" — Gregory. 



INFIDELITY, ITS EFFECTS, c\c. 

Infidelity considered as a disbelief of Christianity, 
or rather as a kind of semi-atheism, has always found 
some advocates ; and for this it is no way difficult to 
assign a reason. u Men love darkness rather than light, 
because their deeds are evil, neither will they come to 
the light lest their deeds should be reproved. " A new 
sect of infidels has arisen in the present age, who, with 
a boldness unknown to their predecessors, not only 
reject religion as false, but condemn it as pernicious. 
The great majority of former unbelievers were so far 
from denying its usefulness, that they represented it as 
an invention of statesmen for the very purpose of giving 
aid to morality, and efficacy to the laws ; but some of 
our modern infidels declare open war against every 
principle and form of religion, natural as well as re- 
vealed, as hostile to morality, and therefore destructive 
to the happiness of the human race ! By uniting more 
closely with each other, by giving a sprinkling of irre- 
ligion to all their literary productions, they aim to 
engross the formation of the public mind, and amidst 
the warmest profession of attachment to virtue, to effect 



131 



an entire disruption of morality from religion. The 
sceptical or irreligious system subverts the whole foun- 
dation of morals. It may be affirmed as a maxim that 
no person can be required to act contrary to his 
greatest good, by his highest interests, comprehensively 
viewed in relation to the whole duration of his being. 

The system of infidelity is not only incapable of 
arming virtue for great and trying occasions, but leaves 
it unsupported in the most ordinary occurrences. Re- 
wards and punishments awarded by an omnipotent Being, 
afford a palpable and pressing motive, which can never 
be neglected without renouncing the character of a 
rational creature ; but tastes and relishes are not to be 
prescribed. A motive in which the reason of man shall 
acquiesce, enforcing the practice of virtue at all times 
and seasons, enters into the very essence of moral ob- 
ligation ; modern infidelity supplies no such motives ; 
it is, therefore, essentially and infallibly a system of 
enervation, turpitude, and vice. 

This system is as barren of great and sublime virtues 
as it is prolific in crimes. It requires but little reflec- 
tion to perceive that whatever veil* a future world, and 
contracts the limits of existence within the present life, 
must tend, in a proportionable degree to diminish the 
grandeur, and narrow the sphere of human agency. 
As well might you expect exalted sentiments of justice 



MUNIS A M '('I)i ' ■ 

from a professed gamester, us look tor noble principles 
IB the man whose hopes and fears are all suspended on 
the present moment, and who stakes the whole happiness 
of his being on the events of this vain and fleeting life. 
If ever he is impelled to the performance of great 
achievements in a good cause, it must be solely by the hope 
of fame; a motive, which besides that it makes virtue 
the servant of opinion, usually grows weaker at the ap- 
proach of death, and which, however it may surmount 
the love of existence, in the heat of battle, or in the 
moment of public observation, can seldom be expected 
to operate with much force on the retired duties of a 
private station. 

In affirming that infidelity is unfavourable to the 
higher class of virtues, we are supported as well by 
facts as by reasoning. We should be sorry to load our 
adversaries with unmerited reproach ; but to what his- 
tory, to what record will they appeal for the traits of 
moral greatness exhibited by their disciples. Where 
shall we look for the trophies of infidel magnanimity, 
or atheistical virtue ? Not that we mean to accuse them 
of inactivity, they have recently filled the world with 
the fame of their exploits ; exploits of a different kind 
indeed, but of imperishable memory, and disastroics 
lustre. 

Though it is confessed that great and splendid actions 



133 



are not the ordinary employment of life, but must, from 
their nature, be reserved for high and eminent occa- 
sions, yet that system is essentially defective which 
leaves no room for their cultivation. They often save, 
and always illustrate the age and nation in which they 
appear. They raise the standard of morals ; they 
arrest the progress of degeneracy ; they diffuse a lustre 
over the path of life : — monuments of the greatness of 
the human soul, they present to the world the august 
image of virtue in her sublimest form, from which 
streams of light and glory issue to remote times and 
ages ; while their commemoration, by the pen of historians 
and poets, awakens in distant bosoms the sparks of 
kindred excellence. 

Combine the frequent and familiar penetration of 
atrocious deeds, with the dearth of great and generous 
actions, and you have the exact picture of that condition 
of society, which completes the degradation of the species. 
Hitherto we have considered the influence of scepticism 
on the principles of virtue, and have endeavoured to 
shew that it despoils it of its dignity, and lays its autJwrity 
in the dust. 

Would our limits permit, we should proceed to trace 
its influence on the formation of character, and to shew 
that it tends to corrupt the moral taste, and promote the 
growth of those vices which are most hostile to social 

N 



134 'iv fcNBC&OTES. 

happiness, namely, vanity, ferocity, and unbridled sen- 
suality, but as this has been well executed by !\lr. Hall 
of Leicester, in a sermon on modern infidelity, pub- 
lished some years ago, and which furnished us with 
the above powerful reasonings, we beg to refer the in- 
quiring mind to it, promising both instruction and 
delight from its profound and masterly reasoning, and 
its brilliant and fascinating eloquence. 



SCEPTICISM. 

The term sceptic properly signifies considerative and 
inquisitive, or one who is always weighing reasons on 
the one side and the other, without ever deciding between 
them. A system of philosophy thus founded on doubt 
and clouded with uncertainty, could neither teach tenets 
of any importance, nor prescribe a certain rule of con- 
duct j and accordingly we find that the followers of 
scepticism were guided entirely by chance. As they 
could form no certain judgment respecting good and 
evil, they accidentally learned the folly of eagerly pur- 
suing any apparent good, or of avoiding any apparent 
evil, and their minds of course settled into a state of 
undisturbed tranquillity, the grand postulatiun of their 
system. 

1'lato refutes the great principle of the sceptics thus : 



135 



— " When you say that all things are incomprehensible, 
do you comprehend or conceive that they are thus incom- 
prehensible, or do you not? If you do, then something 
is comprehensible ; if you do not, there is no reason we 
should believe you, since you do not comprehend your 
own assertion." 

Scepticism has not been confined entirely to the 
ancients and to the followers of Pyrrho,* numerous 
sceptics have arisen also in modern times, varying in 
their principles, manners, and character, as chance, 
prejudice, vanity, weakness, or indolence prompted 
them. The great object, however, which they seem to 
have in view, is to overturn, or at least to weaken the 
evidence of analogy, experience, and testimony; though 
some of them have even attempted to show that the 
axioms of geometry are uncertain, and its demonstrations 
inconclusive. This last attempt has not indeed been 
often made, but the chief aim of Mr. Hume's philoso- 

* An ancient sect of philosophers founded by Pyrrho, 
who from the distinguishing tenets, or characteristics of 
their philosophy, were called Aporetici, to doubt ; from 
their suspension and hesitation they were called Ephectici, 
to stay or keep back ; and lastly, they were called 
Zetetici, or seekers, from their never getting beyond the 
search of truth. 



!.')(> M l>M \ AM COOT] 5. 

phical writings is to introduce doubts into every branch 
of physics, metaphysics, history, ethics, and theology. 
We may confidently refer our readers to very able refu- 
tations of Mr. Hume's reasonings in behalf of modern 
scepticism, by Drs. Beattie, Campbell, Gregory, and 
Reid, who have also exposed the weakness of the scep- 
tical reasonings of Des Cartes, Malebranche, and others 
of the same school. 



CREDIBILITY OF MIRACLES. 

Time need not be thrown away in proving that the 
miracles, as represented in the writings of the "New 
Testament, were of such a nature, and performed before 
so many witnesses, that no imposition could possibly 
be practised on the senses of those who affirm that they 
were present. From every page of the Gospel this is 
so evident, that the philosophical adversaries of the 
Christian faith never suppose the apostles to have been 
themselves deceived, but boldly accuse them of bearing 
false witness. But if this accusation be well founded, 
their testimony itself is as great a miracle as any which 
they record of themselves or of their master. The very 
system of religion which they are thus said to have ih- 
vented and resolved to impose upon mankind, was so 
contrived, that the worldly prosperity of its first 



137 



preachers, and even their exemption from persecution 
was incompatible with its success. Had these clear pre- 
dictions of the author of that religion under whom the 
apostles acted only as ministers, not been verified, all 
mankind must have instantly perceived that their pre- 
tence to inspiration was false, and that Christianity was 
a scandalous and impudent imposture. All this the 
apostles could not but foresee when they formed their 
plan for deluding the world, whence it follows, that 
when they resolved to support their pretended revelation 
by an appeal to forged miracles, they wilfully and 
with their eyes open, exposed themselves to inevitable 
misery, whether they should succ%ed or fail in their en- 
terprise, and that they concerted their measures so as 
not to admit of a possibility of recompense to themselves, 
either in this life, or in that which is to come. But if 
there be a law of nature, for the reality of which we 
have better evidence than we have for others, it is " that 
no man can choose misery for its own sake," or make 
the acquisition of it the ultimate end of his pursuit. The 
existence of other laws of nature we know by testimony 
and our own observation of the regularity of their effects. 
The existence of this law is made known to us, not only 
by these means, but also by the still clearer and more 
conclusive evidence of our own consciousness. Thus, 
then, do miracles force themselves upon our assent in 
n2 



188 BIDNEI ANFciiniF.s. 

every possible view which we can take of this interest- 
ing subject. If the testimony of the first preachers of 
Christianity was true, the miracles recorded in the 
Gospel were certainly performed, and the doctrines of 
our religion are derived from heaven. On the other 
hand, if that testimony was false, either God must have 
miraculously effaced from the minds of those by whom 
it was given, all the associations formed between their 
sensible ideas and the words of language, or he must 
have endowed those men with the gift of prescience, and 
have impelled them to fabricate a pretended revelation 
for the purpose of deceiving the world, and involving 
themselves in certain and foreseen destruction. 

The miracles recorded in the Gospel, if real, were 
wrought in support of a revelation, which, in the opinion 
of all by whom it is received, has brought to light many 
important truths, which could not otherwise have been 
made known to men, and which, by the confession of its 
adversaries, contains the purest moral precepts by which 
the conduct of mankind was ever directed. The oppo- 
site series of miracles, if real, was performed to enable, 
and even to compel a company of Jews of the lowest 
rank and of the narrowest education, to fabricate, with 
the view of inevitable destruction to themselves, a consistent 
scheme of falsehood, and by an appeal to forged miracles 
to impose it upon the world as a revelation from heaven. 



139 



The object of the former miracles is worthy of a God of 
infinite wisdom, goodness, and power. The object of 
the latter is absolutely inconsistent with wisdom and 
goodness, which are demonstrably attributes of that 
.Being by whom alone miracles can be performed. 
Whence it follows that the supposition of the apostles 
bearing/a/se testimony to the miracles of their master, 
implies a series of deviations from the laws of nature 
infinitely less probable in themselves than those miracles ; 
and therefore, by Mr. Hume's maxim, we must neces- 
sarily reject the supposition oij'ahehood in the testimony, 
and admit the reality of the miracles. So true is it, that 
for the reality of the Gospel miracles, we have evidence 
as convincing to the reflecting mind as those had who were 
contemporary with Christ and his apostles, and were 
actual witnesses to their mighty works. As much of 
the discussion relative to miracles, according to the 
channel into which it has been thrown by Hr. Hume 
and his disciples, is made to turn upon the phrase, 
" Laws of Nature ;" we must not forget to remark that 
in this enquiry, nothing can consistently be meant by 
the laws of nature but those laws by which the moral 
and physical worlds are governed, and that since this 
question respects altogether the moral government of 
God, the moral laws of nature ought here to fall prin- 
cipally under consideration. This consideration, how- 



140 UDM1Y ANt.uii 

ever, is totally lost sight of, and the physical laws alone 
regarded by Mr. Hume in estimating the credibility of 
miracles, which is just as absurd as it would be to refer 
solely to the laws of contracts, oaths, and promises, the 
criteria of virtue and vice, and other moral principles, 
in order to investigate a correct and unobjectionable 
theory of physical astronomy. Considered, then, in this 
point of view, it is evident that the extraordinary nature 
of the fact is no ground for disbelief, provided such a 
fact, morally contemplated, was from the condition of 
man, become necessary ; — for in that case the Deity by 
dispensing his assistance in proportion to our wants, 
acted upon the same principle as in his more ordinary 
occupations. For whatever the physical effects may be, 
if their moral tendency be the same, they form a part of 
the same moral law. Now in the events called miraculous, 
the Deity is influenced by the same moral principle as 
in his usual dispensations, and being induced by the 
same motive to accomplish the same end, the laws of 
God's moral government are not violated, such laws 
being established by the motives and the ends produced, 
and not by the means employed. In estimating, there- 
fore, the credibility of a miracle, we look at the moral, 
not the physical effect ; and it is on this account that 
every unbiassed mind is compelled, almost antecedent to 
any enquiry, to reject most of the pretended miracles of 



141 



the Romish church. But estimating the miracles of 
the apostolic age by this criterion, there cannot be found 
the shadow of a reason for doubting them. In this 
enquiry, too, it ought not to be forgotten that many of 
the first adversaries of our religion, and those the most 
formidable, never disputed the truth and reality of 
miracles ; on the contrary, they mention them as having 
been performed. The Jews themselves acknowledge 
their reality. Julian and Celsus, two avowed enemies 
of Christianity, amongst all the arts which they used to 
destroy its credibility, ventured not to deny that our 
Saviour and his apostles wrought miracles ; but ascribed 
them to magic ! Facts confessed by those who had the 
greatest interest in (levying them, ought to be admitted. 
But such is the hardihood of unbelief, and the impene- 
trability of the mind, when conviction must lead us to 
an abandonment of practical as well as mental error, 
that our modern infidels deny what the first unbelievers, 
with all their superior means of information found 
themselves obliged to admit. Magna est Veritas et 
prevalebit. 



142 



A CHRISTIAN PRECEPT, UNKNOWN 
TO PHILOSOPHERS. 

A remarkable precept of the Christian religion, new 
and excellent, is, " Forgive your enemy." The wisest 
moralists of the wisest ages and nations represented the 
desire of revenge as the mark of a noble mind, and the 
accomplishment of it as one of the chief felicities attendant 
on a fortunate man. But how much more magnanimous f 
how much more benefciul to mankind, is forgiveness ! 
It is more magnanimous, because every genennis and 
exalted disposition of the human mind is requisite to the 
practice of it ; for these alone can enable us to bear the 
wrongs and insults of wickedness and folly with 
patience, and to look down on the perpetrators of them 
with pity rather than with indignation ; these alone 
can teach us that such are but a part of those sufferings 
allotted to us in this state of probation, and to know that 
to " overcome evil with good" is the most glorious of all 
victories. It is the most benejicial, because this amiable 
conduct alone can put an end to an eternal succession 
of injuries and retaliations ; for every retaliation be- 
comes a new injury, and requires another act of revenge 
for satisfaction. But would we observe this salutary 
precept, to love our enemies, and to do good to those 
who despitefully use us, this obstinate benevolence would 



143 



at last conquer the most inveterate hearts, and we should 
have no enemies to forgive. 

This noble and useful virtue is an obvious remedy for 
most of the miseries of this life, and a necessary qualifi- 
cation for the happiness of another. 

JULIAN, SURNAMED THE APOSTATE, 
HIS EVIDENCE 

This Roman emperor was the younger son of Constan- 
tius, brother of Constantine the Great, and was born at 
Constantinople, A.D. 331. His education was liberal, and 
he made an open and rather zealous profession of Christi- 
anity, till his accession to the imperial throne, on the 
death of Constantius his cousin, in 361 . He was no sooneT 
become his own master than he threw off the mask, and 
made a public avowal of paganism ; and though he did 
not directly persecute the Christians, yet he endeavoured 
all in his power to root out their religion. He stigma- 
tized the followers of Jesus by the nickname of Gali- 
leans, wrote several books against Christianity, and 
connived at the cruelties which some of his governors 
committed on their persons. He also caressed the Jews, 
and promised to rebuild Jerusalem, and to make it the 
imperial residence, by way of confuting the prophecies 
of our Saviour. He accordingly set about building the 
temple, but the design was defeated by the destruction 
of the workmen, who were assaulted bv balls of fire 



144 IIDNE1 am ( DO! I v 

issuing from the foundations. When this happened 
Julian was at Antioch on an expedition against the 
Persians, in which he was at first successful, but after 
several partial engagements a general battle took place, 
June 26th, 363, wherein Julian was mortally wounded, 
and died on the ensuing night. Julian was a man of 
great talents, but strangely bigoted to the religion of 
paganism. His works were published in 2 vols, folio, 
by Spanheim, in 1626. The works of Julian furnish 
us with another instance in which the cause of divine 
truth may be served by the attempts of an adversary to 
injure it. Julian, who seemed desirous to say something 
that might render the divinity of our Lord suspected, 
argues that neither Matthew, Mark, Luke, nor Paul 
himself, ever presumed to call him God, but that it was 
St. John who talked after this manner. He says, that 
M John perceiving how the persuasion of Christ's being 
God prevailed mightily among the Christians dispersed 
through many cities of Greece and Italy, did then take 
upon him to assert the same doctrine in his Gospel, with 
a view to humour them, and to get himself reputation. " 
(Julian apud Cyril, L. 10, p. 327, Edit. Lips.) Here, 
then, we have a plain confession from a vehement enemy, 
a confession which (ridicule and banter apart) amounts 
to this, that the generality of Christians, as early as the 
apostolic age, were exceedingly zealous for the doctrine 
of Christ's <ltunilu, ami that St. John himself commended 



Eszsa. 



_!__ L.^.- 




145 



them for it, encouraged them in it, and wrote his gospel 
to confirm it. Since he could not disown the fact, he 
endeavoured in his ludicrous way, to turn the whole into 
ridicule. Now, how wrong soever he was in his obser- 
vations, yet his concession deserves particular notice. 
He not only acknowledges the divinity of our Lord as a 
prevalent doctrine in the apostolic times, but he lets us 
know that he took those writings, which in his time 
bore the names of Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Paul, 
to be the genuine productions of those authors : hence 
he was certainly very sensible that the evidences for the 
genuineness of these books were at that period so very 
clear and convincing that it would have been perfectly 
scandalous for any one to have called them in question ; 
otherwise he would have attacked the Christians after 
another manner, and instead of citing these books in so 
tame and innocent a way as he has done in the passage 
above referred to, he would have exposed them as 
so many pieces of shameful imposture, and the Chris- 
tians as the worst of fools for thinking otherwise. — Good 
and Gregory. ( See also p. 29. J 



IMPIOUS ATTEMPT AT DIVIXE HONOURS. 
A man in Lybia, named Psaphon, to whom nature had 
been sufficiently indulgent in bestowing upon him ex- 
o 



I 'Hi 

traordinary accomplishments, the inward magnificence 
( f his mind expanding itself, and prompting him to it, 
he used this subtle artifice to possess the inhabitants 
about him with an opinion of his divinity ! Having 
therefore taken a number of such birds as are capable 
of the imitation of human speech, he taught them to 
pronounce these words distinctly, " Psaphon is a great 
god." This done, he set them all at liberty, who filled 
the woods and places about with this ditty, which the 
inhabitants hearing, and supposing this to fall out by 
divine power, they fell to the adoration of him ! 

Pumciias's Pilgrim. 

Alexander the Great was very desirous to be ac- 
counted a god, and boasted amongst the barbarians that he 
was the son of Jupiter Ammon ; so that his mother Olym- 
pius used to say, that her son Alexander never ceased 
to calumniate her to Juno. P?ing once wounded, 
u This," said he, " is blood, not thatic/tor which Homer 
says is wpnt to flow from the gods." It is said, that 
finding himself near unto death, he would privily have 
cast himself into the river Euphrates, that being sud- 
denly out of sight he might breed an opinion in men 
that he was not departed as one overpressed with the 
weight of a disease, but that he was ascended to the 
gods from whence he first came ; and when Koxana, 



IVP1ETY. 147 

having understood his mind, went about to hinder him, 
he sighing said, " Woman, dost thou envy me the glory of 
immortality and divinity V — Plutarch. 

SIR WILLIAM JONES AN EXAMPLE. 

This eminent man was the son of William Jones, a 
skilful mathematician, and an intimate friend of the 
immortal Newton, and others eminent in that science ; 
he was born in September 1746. His capacity for the 
acquisition of languages has never been excelled ; yet 
his judgment was too discerning to consider language 
in any other light than as the key of science. Knowledge 
and truth were the objects of all his studies, and his 
ambition was to be useful to mankind. With these views 
he extended his researches to all languages, nations, 
and times. There were in truth few sciences in which 
he had not acquired considerable proficiency ; in most 
his knowledge was profound. To a proficiency in the 
languages of Greece, Rome, and Asia, he added the 
knowledge of the philosophy of those countries, and of 
every thing curious that had been taught in them. The 
doctrines of the Academy, the Lyceum, or the Portico, 
were not more familiar to him than the tenets of the 
Vedas, the mysticism of the Sasis, or the religion of the 
ancient Persians ; and whilst with a kindred genius he 



148 MONEY ANL( LH 

perused with rapture the heroic, lyric, or moral compo- 
sitions of the most renowned poets of Greece, Rome, 
and Asia, he could turn with equal delight and know- 
ledge to the sublime speculations, or the mathematical 
calculations of Barrow and Newton. With them also 
he professed his conviction of the truth of the Christian 
religion; and he justly deemed it no inconsiderable 
advantage that his researches had corroborated the mul- 
tiplied evidence of Revelation, by confirming the Mosaic 
account of the primitive world. 

As president of the Asiatic Society, his death was 
much lamented by that body, as well as by all others. 
Lord Teignmouth on that event, which took place in 
1794, thus addressed the Society : — " Of the private and 
social virtues of our lamented president our hearts are 
the best records. To you who knew him it cannot be 
necessary for me to expatiate on the independence of 
his integrity, his humanity, probity, or benevolence, 
which every 'living creature participated ; on the affa- 
bility of his conversation and manners, or his modest, 
unassuming deportment ; nor need I remark that he was 
totally free from pedantry, as well as from arrogance and 
self-sufficiency, which sometimes accompany and disgrace 
the greatest abilities. His presence was the delight of 
every society, which his conversation exhilarated and 
improved ; and the public have not only to lament the 



149 



loss of his talents and abilities, but that of his example. 
He was not an illiterate believer in divine revelation, 
but felt and exhibited its influence. ,, 



TRUE PHILOSOPHY REJECTS ATHEISM. 

Cicero represents it as a probable opinion that they 
who apply themselves to the study of philosophy believe 
there are no gods ; this must doubtless be meant of the 
Academic philosophy, to which Cicero himself was 
attached, and which doubted of every thing. On the 
contrary, the Newtonian philosophers are continually 
recurring to a Deity, whom they always find at the end 
of their chain of natural causes. Some foreigners have 
charged them with making too much use of the notion 
of a God in philosophy, contrary to the rule of Horace 
Nee Deus intersit, nisi dignus vindice nodus. Among 
us the philosophers have been the principal advocates 
for the existence of a Deity. Witness the writings of 
Sir Isaac Newton, Boyle, Ray, Cheyne, Nieuwent, 
Euler, Hartley, Robison, and others. To which we 
may add others who, though of the clergy (as was also 
Ray), yet have distinguished themselves by their philo- 
sophical pieces in behalf of the existence of a God, viz. 
Derham, Bentley, Whiston, Clark (Samuel and John), 
Fenelon, Paley, &c. So true is that saying of Lord 



150 B1DN1 V AM ( DO I I 3. 

Bacon, that " though a smattering of philosophy may 
lead a man into atheism, a deep draught will certainly 
brinix him back again into the belief of a God and Pro- 
vidence. " 



LABADIE, AN IMMORAL ENTHUSIAST. 

John Labadie was born in 1610, and educated in 
the Jesuit's College at Bordeaux. He afterwards entered 
of the order, but quitted it in 1639, and became a 
zealous preacher. His affected piety procured him 
many admirers, and he became canon of the cathedral 
at Amiens, which place he was compelled to leave on 
account of some amours. In 1666 he began to publish 
his peculiar doctrines with great boldness, in which he 
set aside the Scriptures, and all outward worship, resolving 
the whole of religion into spiritual feeling, and mental 
prayer ! One of his principal followers was Anna 
Schurman, who attended him in all his perigrinations 
until his death. He caused great disturbances in the 
United Provinces by his notions, which spread like 
wildfire, and those who held them were called Laba- 
dists. After having been expelled from various places, 
he went to settle at Altena, in llolstein, where he died 
in 1674. He published several works, but they are not 
worth enumerating. 



151 



LALANDE, AN IMPIOUS ASTRONOMER ! ! 

Joseph Lalande, the eminent French astronomer, was 
born at Bourg, July 11, A. D. 1732. He was destined 
to the bar, but the>ight of the observatory at Paris de- 
veloped the propensity which became the ruling passion 
of his life. He progressively was made a member of the 
Institute and Professor of Astronomy in the College of 
France, and a member of the Legion of Honour. The 
high consideration which he obtained, would, probably, 
with prudence and circumspection, have secured him an 
enviable lot to the end of his days ; but the habit of 
speaking his mind, which he did not lay aside in the 
most stormy times, and upon topics where he might, nay, 
ought, to have been silent, together with the bluntness 
with which he sometimes refuted the established systems 
of others, animated against him a host of detractors, 
who proceeded so far as to call in question his undoubt- 
ed merits. His long and durable services, in matters 
of science, were thus in a measure forgotten, or lost 
sight of, in the contemplation of his dangerous specula- 
tions, and of the imprudent zeal with which he promul- 
gated his opinions. Those who knew him well, affirm, 
that if any of the French infidels, of late, was decidedly 
an atheist, Lalande was doubtless such ; and that 
atheistical opinions, when embraced by a man of exces- 
sive garrulity and overweening vanity, would be injurious 



152 BIDNI v 4 NEC DOTES. 

in thuir effects, both upon himself and upon others, 
needs no proof. He was, in fact, as much noted for 
his pro/oneness as for his talents — a species of distinction 
which, we hope, few other astronomers will emulate. 

He was an excellent astronomer and an active promoter 
of that science •, but he possessed little taste, and a very 
confined knowledge of mathematics in general. He 
considered himself, however, as the father of the mathe- 
matical sciences generally ; and, at his death, in 1807 
he founded the prize of a medal, which the Institute 
annually awards to the author of the best astronomical 
memoir, or the maker of the most curious observation. 

He published, and also edited, various works; and, 
in 1802, published a little collection for the pocket, of 
Ta-bles of Logarithms, Signs, and Tangents, on the plan 
of Lacaille, but much inferior to them. 

We query, however, whether Laplace thought half 
so highly of his " Mecanique Celeste," as poor Lalande 
did of his meagre book of Tables. 

In 1802 M. Lalande published a new edition of 
IMontucla's History of Mathematics, in 4 vols. 4to., the 
two latter volumes being prepared from Montucla's 
papers, with the assistance of Laplace, Lacroix, and 
Others. The fourth volume has the portrait of Lalande, 
as a frontispiece, with the following motto : — 



153 



" Du Ciel devenu son empire, 

Sou genie a perce les vastes profondeurs ; 

Mais il regne encore sur nos coeurs, 

Et nous l'aimons autant que l'univers 1'admire." 

11 An undevout astronomer is mad." 



MR. GIBBON'S TESTIMONY TO THE CON- 
SISTENT PIETY OF THE REV. MR. WIL- 
LIAM LAW. 

Mr. Gibbon, with whose aunts the Rev. W. Law, 
author of the "Serious Call to a Devout and Holy 
Life," lived, gives the following character of him and 
his writings : — 

" Mr. Law died at an advanced age, of a suppression 
of urine, in 1761, at the house of Mrs. Hesther Gibbon, 
known by the name of the Cliffe, in Northamptonshire, 
where she still resides. In that family, he has left the 
reputation of a worthy and eminently pious man, who 
believed all that he professed, and practised all that he en- 
joined. The character of a nonjuror, which he held to 
the last, is a sufficient evidence of the tenaciousness of 
his principles in church and state, and the sacrifice of 
his interests to his conscience will always be respectable. 
His theological writings, which our domestic concerns 



l.'i I MUM J Wl < Mil tS. 

induced me to read, preserve an amiable, though imper- 
fect, sort of life, in my opinion; but here, perhaps, 1 
pronounce with more confidence than knowledge. His 
last compositions seemed tinctured too much with the 
mystic enthusiasm of Jacob Behmen, and his discou 
on the absolute unlawfulness of the stage, may be call- 
ed a ridiculous intemperance of sentiment and language. 
But these sallies of phrenzy must not extinguish the praise 
that is due to Mr. Law as a wit and a scholar. His ar- 
gument on topics of less absurdity" (our readers will 
bear in mind that Mr. Gibbon thought all religion 
absurd) "are specious and acute, his manner is lively, 
his style forcible and clear, and had not the vigour of 
his mind been clouded by enthusiasm, he might be 
ranked with the most agreeable and ingenious writers of 
the times. 

*' While the Bangorian controversy was a fashionable 
theme, he entered the lists. lie resumed the contest 
again with Bishop Hoadly, in which his non-juring 
principles appear, though he approves himself equal to 
both prelates. On the appearance of the " Fable of the 
Bees" he drew his pen against the licentiousness of the 
doctrine of that writer, and morality and religion must re- 
joice in his applause and victory! Mr. Law's master- 
piece, the ' Serious Cell/ is still read as a popular and 
powerful book of devotion. His precepts are rigid, but 



155 



they are formed and derived from the gospel ; his satire 
is sharp, but his icisdom is from the knowlege of human 
life, and many of his portraits are not unworthy the pen 
of La Bruyere. If there yet exists a spark of piety in 
the reader's mind, he will soon kindle it to a flame, and 
a philosopher must allow that he is more consistent in 
his principles than any of the tribe of mystic writers. 

"He handles, with equal severity and truth, the 
strange contradiction between faith and practice in the 
Christian world. Under the names of Flavia and Mi- 
randa, he has admirably described Mr. Gibbon's two 
aunts, the worldly and the pious sisters." 

To this we might add the testimony of Dr. John- 
son, of Mrs. Hannah More, and others ; but, after the 
opinion of such a learned sceptic, who, in this instance, 
speaks from conviction, these may be deemed unneces- 
sary. 



ANTHONY COLLINS, A FREETHINKER. 

Anthony Collins, an English writer of some note, was 
born near Hounslow, in 1676. He was educated at 
Eton, and at King's College, Cambridge ; whence he 
removed to the Temple as a student, but did net follow 
the profession. 

He applied himself to letters, and published a dis- 



15<> IIDNB1 A N I r r,oi h, 

course on u Freethinking, " and another on the " C rou ids 
and Reasons of the Christian Religion," both of which 
occasioned much controversy. In 1726 he published 
his " Scheme of Literal Prophecy Considered," which 
was attacked by several able writers, and defended by 
the author, who died of the stone, in 1729 ; he published 
also, "Priestcraft in Perfection;" "An Historical 
Essay upon the Thirty-nine Articles of Religion ;" u A 
Philosophical Enquiry, concerning Human Liberty," 
which was answered by Dr. Samuel Clarke, and most 
of his other pieces were ably refuted by Dr. Leland. 
He cultivated the acquaintance of ingenious men, 
among whom was the celebrated Mr. Locke, who left 
a letter to be delivered, after his decease, to Collins, 
which was full of affection and good advice. 



COLLINS, THE POET'S SMALL LIBRARY. 

Dr. Johnson relates, that when he visited the author 
of the Ode on the Passions, during one of his illnesses 
at Islington, he found him with a book in his hand. On 
taking it up out of curiosity, to see what companion a 
M man of letters" had chosen. M I have but one book," 
said Collins, u but that is the best." It was, in fact, a 
New Testament, such as children carry to school. 



IMPIETY. 157 

COXDORCET, AN UXPIIILOSOPHICAL PHI- 
LOSOPHER. 
This French philosopher was bom at Ribemont, in 
Picardy, in 1743, of a noble family, from whom he 
derived the title of Marquis ; he was educated at the 
College of Navarre, and having a strong predilection for 
mathematics, he soon distinguished himself among the 
geometricians. In 1769 he was chosen member of the 
Academy, and continued to publish several works on 
mathematical and philosophical subjects, the latter of 
which were of a dangerous tendency, as striking at the 
root of all religion, natural and revealed. In 1773 he 
became secretary to the Academy : he wrote the admired 
lives of Voltaire and Turgot ; and, in 1791, on his be- 
coming a member of the National Assembly, he applied 
himself almost wholly to political affairs. To his honour 
it is recorded, that he opposed the sanguinary proceed- 
ings towards his king. Robespierre having obtained 
the ascendancy, Condorcet being marked out as one of 
the victims, concealed himself for some days in Paris, 
and then went to the house of a friend at Fontenai, 
whom not finding at home, he, in a state of great sus- 
pense, spent one night in a quarry, and a second under 
a tree in an open field. On the third day he was seized 
and committed to prison as a suspicious person, in order 
to be sent to Paris : but he was found dead in his bed 



the next norning, March 28, 1794. Thus miserably 
perished one of the finest writers of the last century. 

Lalande describes his private character as easy, quiet, 
kind, and obliging ; but his behaviour to Diderot, when 
dying, displayed, instead of the milk of human kindness, 
the malignity of a fiend.* Neither his conversation nor 
his external deportment bespoke the fire of his genius. 
D'Alcmbert used to compare him to a volcano, covered 

* The conduct here alluded to occurred in 1784, 
when Diderot, in a state of decline, and feeling the 
near approach of death, on the suggestion of his faith- 
ful servant, sent for Iff. de Farsac, cure de St. Sulpice, 
to whom he was preparing to make a recantation of his 
errors. At this critical time Condorcet and other adepts 
now crowded about the dying penitent, and falsely per- 
suaded him that he only wanted the country air to rein- 
state him in health. For some time he resisted their 
attempts to bring him back to atheism ; but at last he 
was prevailed upon to leave such dangerous company, 
and they had him secretly conveyed to the country, 
where he died on the 2d day of July. The body was as 
secretly conveyed back to Paris, and they promulgated 
the report that he died suddenly on rising from the 
table, without remorse, and his atheistical principles 
unshaken \—(8t€ " Di<k >\t." > 



IMPIETY. 159 

with snow. He had a latent weakness, however, of con- 
stitution, which often made him the dupe of men alto- 
gether unworthy of his regard. It was during the pe- 
riod of his concealment at Paris, uncertain of a day's 
existence, that he wrote his u Sketch of the Progress of 
the Human Mind ;" a production which undoubtedly 
displays great genius, though it contains some of the 
most extravagant paradoxes that ever fell from the pen 
of a philosopher. Among other wonderful things, the 
author inculcates the possibility, if not the probability, 
that the nature of man may be improved to absolute per- 
fection in body and mind, and his eiistence in this world 
protracted to immortality ! So firmly does he seem to 
have been persuaded of the truth of this unphiloso- 
phical opinion, that he set himself seriously to consider 
how men should conduct themselves when the popula- 
tion should become too great for the quantity of food 
which the earth can produce, and the only way which 
he could find for counteracting this evil was, to check 
population by promiscuous concubinage, and other prac- 
tices, with an account of which we will not sully our 
pages. 



ItJO >1]>M N \M( KOI I >. 

DIONYSIl B DJEDEROT, HIS INCONSISTENCY 
AND REPENTANCE. 

This industrious French writer was born at Langres 
in 1713, anil settled at Paris early in life, where his wit 
and talents procured him many friends. Besides various 
other works, he supplied all the articles on trade and the 
arts for the great work entitled u Dictionnaire Encyclo- 
paedique." In the major part of his other works he kept 
one grand object in view, the propagation of deistical 
principles and sophisms. 

During most of his life he was a decided atheist, and 
was pretty active in disseminating his notions. He was 
assisted by D'Alembert and others, who, when the inien- 
tion of Diderot was too plain and open, threw a mist over 
it, that the design might not be so palpable as to defeat it- 
self. Although he published and wrote much, he never 
acquired riches, and his means being straitened, an expe- 
dient was devised for their improvement. 

He had long been in correspondence with Catherine 
of Russia, whom he persuaded that he was one of the 
first of economists. To her he had represented that his 
library was one of the most valuable in Europe ; and 
when the empress wanted to purchase it, and make him 
librarian, he replied, that his constitution could not 
bear the coldness of a northern climate. She then 
offered to allow him to keep it during his life-time in 



IMFILIY. lol 

Paris, and she bought 4 it on these conditions at an im- 
mense price ! 

When her ambassador required to inspect it, after a 
year or two's payments, and the visitation could no 
longer be put off, Diderot was compelled to have recourse 
to all the booksellers' shops in Germany to fill his empty 
shelves with old volumes. He was so far fortunate as to 
save appearances ; but the finesse was exposed through 
his niggardliness to the ambassador's secretary. This 
did not deter him from visiting Catherine, to whom he 
told a poor story, in hopes of getting his daughter mar- 
ried with parade, and patronised by the empress ; but 
the scheme was seen through, and he was disappointed. 

In 1784 his health began to decline, and one of his 
domestics perceiving his death near, mentioned to him 
his apprehensions, and urged affectionately the import- 
ance of preparing for another world. He listened to 
this attentively, thanked his monitor, and promised to 
consider of what he advised. Some time afterwards he 
desired that a priest should be sent for, when the servant 
introduced M. de Farsac, cure de St. Sulpice. Diderot 
saw this ecclesiastic several times, and was preparing to 
make a recantation of his errors, when Condorcet and 
others, fearing the effect of the change of his belief 
gaining publicity, now crowded about him, and inhu- 
manly hurried him away secretly into the country, where 
p2 






lti'2 BIDNBT AVICAOTBtt 

he shortly after died, beyond the reach or knowledge of 
the pious cure, who might have afforded him consolation 
in his last hour. — (See note to Condorcet.) 

Diderot seemed to have had considerable knowledge 
of mathematics, metaphysics, and the belles lettres, and 
has been highly praised for his frankness ; bat, except 
his frank avowal of atheism, we do not see what claim 
he has to the character. M. Bauze coming one day into 
his house, found him explaining to his daughter a chap- 
ter of the gospel history. On expressing his surprise at 
this conduct, Diderot said, u J* en tend ce que vous voulez 
dire; mais a fund, quelles meillures lecons pourreis je lui 
dunner ou trouveraije mieuxV It was a common saying 
of Diderot's, that between him and his dog, " il n'y 
avoit de difference que habit," In uttering this senti- 
ment, he did not resemble Pope's Indian with untutored 
mind, 

" Who thinks, admitted to that equal sky, 
His faithful dog shall bear him company." 

The Indian hopes to carry his dog with him to heaven - r 
but Diderot hoped to die like a dog, and to be as if he 
had not been. 



IMPIETY. 163 

SOAME JENYNS, HIS CONVICTION. 

This ingenious English writer was born in London in 
1704, was educated at Cambridge, and was elected M. P. 
for that university in 1741, and continued a member of 
that house until the year 1780, when the Board of Trade, 
of which he had been appointed one of the lords, was 
abolished. In early life, Mr. Jenyns was of a religious 
turn of mind, but afterwards he wandered into deism. 
More close and minute inquiry led him to see the dan- 
gerous nature of scepticism, which he renounced, and 
continued a firm believer and a pious Christian until his 
death, which took place in 1787. He published, 1st, 
Poems, 2 vols. 12mo. ; 2nd, A Free Inquiry into the 
Origin of Evil, 12mo. ; 3rd, Political Tracts ; and, 
lastly, A View of the Internal Evidence of the Christian 
Religion, 12mo., which evinces considerable knowledge 
and research, as well as his own conviction of the truth 
of that religion which he was, at one period of his life, 
inclined to doubt. 

PORPHYRIUS. 

Porphyrius, the Platonic philosopher, was born at 
Tyre, in A. D. 233, in the reign of Alexander Severus. 
He was the disciple of Longinus, and became the orna- 
ment of his school at Athens ; from thence he went to 



mi>nl\ I NEC DC 

Home, and attended Plotinus, with whom he lived six 
years. After the death of Plotinus, he taught philoso- 
phy at Rome with great applause, and became well 
skilled in polite literature, geography, astronomy, and 
music. lie lived till the end of the third century, and 
died in the reign of Dioclesian. 

He composed a large treatise against the Christian 
religion, which is lost. This was answered by Metho- 
dias, bishop of Tyre, and by Eusebius, Appolinarius, 
St. Augustine, St. Jerome, St. Cyril, and Theodoret. 
The emperor Theodosius the Great caused Porphyrius's 
book to be burned in 338. There are still extant his 
book on the Categories of Aristotle ; a treatise on absti- 
nence from flesh ; and several other pieces in Greek. 
Those were printed at Cambridge, in 8vo., in 1655, 
with a Latin version. 

Dr. Enfield says, M Porphyrius was, it must be owned, 
a writer of deep erudition, and, had his judgment been 
equal to his learning, he would have deserved a distin- 
guished place among the ancients. But neither the 
splendour of his diction, nor the variety of his reading, 
can atone for the credulity, or the dishonesty, which filled 
the narrative parts of his works with so many extrava- 
gant tales, or interest the judicious reader in the abstruse 
subtleties and mystical flights of his philosophical 
writirr 



IMPIETY. 165 

CHRISTIANITY THE MOST PERFECT SYS- 
TEM OF ETHICS. 

We undertake to show, that from the New Testament 
may be collected not only the doctrines of religion, but 
also a system of ethics, in which every moral precept 
founded on reason is carried to a higher degree of purity 
and perfection than ever before ; that every moral pre- 
cept founded on false principles is totally omitted, and 
many new precepts added, peculiarly corresponding with 
the new object of this religion ; that such a system of 
religion and morality could not possibly have been the 
work of any man, or set of men, and that therefore it 
must undoubtedly have been effected by the interposition 
of Divine power. — Jenyns's Evidences. 

" Whence, but from heaven, should men, unskilled in 
arts, 
In different nations born, in different parts 
Weave such agreeing truths ?— or how ? or why ? 
Should all conspire to cheat us with a lie ? 
I nask'd their pains, ungrateful their advice, 
Starving their gains, and martyrdom their price.*' 

Dryden. 



It)t> SI DM Y \\L< DO 

DAVID HUMES BIOGRAPIIEK. 
HIS ATTEMPT TO PROVE HIS CONSISTENCY. 

In 1776 was published a letter of Dr. Adam Smith's, 
giving some account of the death of the Scottish philo- 
sopher. The object of it was to show that Mr. Hume, 
notwithstanding his sceptical principles, had died with 
the utmost composure, and that in his life as well as at 
his death he had conducted himself as became one of 
the wisest and best of men. The letter is very much 
laboured, and yet does no honour either to the author or 
his friend. It could not represent Mr. Hume as sup- 
porting himself under the gradual decay of nature with 
the hopes of a happy immortality ; but it might have repre- 
sented him as taking refuge with other infidels, in the 
eternal sleep of death. This, though but a gloomy pros- 
pect, would not have been childish ; but the hero of the 
tale is exhibited as talking like a school-boy of his con- 
ferences with Charon, and his reluctance to go into the 
Stygian ferry-boat, and is consoling himself with the 
thought of leaving all his friends, and his brother's 
family in particular, in great prosperity. 

The absurdities of this letter did not escape the watch- 
ful and penetrating eye of Dr. Horne, and as he could 
not mistake its object, he held it up to the contempt and 
• 'ciision of the religious world, in " A Letter to Adam 



167 



Smith, LL. D., on the life, death, and philosophy of 
his friend David Hume, Esq., by one of the people 
called Christians." The reasoning of this little tract is 
clear and conclusive; while its keen though good-humour- 
ed wit is inimitable. This, in a few years afterwards, was 
followed by a series of " Letters on Infidelity/' com- 
posed on the same plan, and with much of the same 
spirit. This little volume, to the second edition of 
which the letter to Dr. Smith was prefixed, is better 
calculated than almost any other with which we are 
acquainted, to guard the minds of youth against the insi- 
dious strokes of infidel ridicule — the only dangerou* 
weapon which infidelity has to wield. 

Mr. T. E. Ritchie, also, in his life of Mr. Hume, has 
carefully recorded Dr. Smith's account of Mr. Hume's 
M sportive disposition, notwithstanding the prospect of 
speedy dissolution, " with the various sublime particulars 
of Charon and his ferry-boat ! 

Mr. Hume was born at Edinburgh in 1711, and died 
in 1776 j and a monument is conspicuous on Calton 
Hill, where it is said he desired to be buried, on an ele- 
vated spot, in order that, like Mr. Tilly, of Pentilly 
House, he might be nearer to heaven than others when 
the last trumpet should sound ! 



B1DN1 1 ami DO! l S. 

JE \N FRANCOIS DE LA 11AUPP, A PENI- 
TENT [NFIDEL. 

This accomplished and elegant scholar and writer 
was born at Paris, on the 20th of November, 1739. 
His father, who was a captain of Artillery, died while 
he was young, leaving him in a state of extreme poverty ; 
but he found a friend in M. Asselin, principal of the 
College of llarcourt, who received him among his 
pupils. He soon gave promise of eminence by his 
literary productions, which attracted much notice, and 
almost at the same moment he succeeded to the honours 
of the theatre and the academy, by a successful drama 
and a prize essay. He wrote tragedies, odes, epistles, 
&C, but let him be stripped of all these and let us view 
him as a critic. " How," says M. Galliard, " has he 
graced and ennobled that function of journalist which 
so many before and after him have degraded." 

That which put the stamp on the literary reputation 
of de la Harpe, was his " Cours de Litterature, An- 
cienne et Moderne," which justly entitles him to the 
honourable appellation of the French Quintilian ! 
M. Petitot says, that here " he always assumes the tone 
of the work he criticises, a merit we rind in none of the 
ancients, except Cicero, Quintilian, and Longinus," 
— and concludes an elegant panegyric, thus: — " Rf. 
de Harpe arrived at the ige of Francis I. and Louis 



tMMETT. 169 

XIV. ; he sports with Marot, rises with Malherbe, 
sheds the sweet perfume of Racine's poetry, reasons 
with Pascal, imitates the insinuating graces of Fenelon, 
and, if he cannot assume all the grandeur of Bossuet, 
approaches, at least, by a more elevated style the energy 
and vigour of the greatest of Christian orators." The 
qualities that distinguish M. de la Harpe, as a writer, 
are, " an immense erudition, the art of identifying him- 
self with his subject, a colouring that may be always 
felt ; luminous views ; a clearness of expression arising 
from the distinct and natural order of his ideas, 6cc. ^:c. 
On his first success in literature, he was patronised by 
Voltaire and D'Alembert, the former of whom gave him 
the amiable title of his favourite pupil, after whose 
death he inherited part of his fame. On the subsequent 
demise of others, his contemporaries, he was left almost 
without a rival in the republic of letters. The adminis- 
trators of the Lyceum appointed him to deliver the lec- 
tures of that institution, which school of taste became 
the most distinguished theatre of his glory. Here his 
infirm state of health induced him to confine his labours 
for some years before the Revolution. When that 
awful hour arrived he endeavoured, but in vain, to attract 
to the Lyceum the partizans of literature. With other 
well-disposed persons he joined in sentiments for the 
good of his country, but would accept of no public 



170 n a\m in 

office, preferring the discharge of his literary functions. 
He has been asked, why he did not see the approach of 
the horrors of that day ? 

AY hat innccent man could have foreseen them ? He 
has been reproached with changing his opinion. Who 
is there that has not modified his during these unhappy 
convulsions 1 No one can say that he ever applauded 
these horrors, for having succeeded in unmasking the 
ferocious character of the sanguinary Robespierre, he 
was consigned to a dungeon where he long remained in 
a state of uncertainty, whether he should live or die. 

Here he had leisure to lament the follies of the hu- 
man race, and here he found, in his happy experience 
the soothing consolations of religion, and now adopted 
the resolution of devoting the remainder of his days to 
her service, and show to the world, that he who had been 
a despiser of Christianity, a ridiculer of its mysteries, 
and a bosom companion of those who sat " in the chair 
of the scorner," had been chosen as a monument of 
mercy, and turned from the error of his ways. 

La Harpe had the happiness to find that he was for- 
gotten in his confinement, and he was liberated from his 
prison house shortly after the 9th Thermidor. 

He now appeared again at the Lyceum, and it was 
remarked that misfortune and piety had given a new 
energy lo his eloquence ; and in the midst of a numer- 



171 



ous audience he boldly and ingenuously renounced his 
former erroneous opinions. 

He was scarcely restored to the society of his fellow 
citizens, when he placed himself courageously as a sen- 
tinel to guard against the return of so many calamities. 
In this spirit he dictated various works respecting pro- 
jects of laws, which had created alarms. One of the 
greatest scourges that had been produced by the general 
disorder of this demoralizing epoch, was that gross and 
ferocious language which was hastening France with 
rapid strides towards a state of savage barbarism. La 
Harpe repelled the innovators in style with the power- 
ful arms of reason, taste, and eloquence ; but ignorance 
could not brook that zeal which displayed her in her 
natural colours. 

A fresh storm drove him to seek an asylum in a spot 
impenetrable to all but a faithful friendship. Being 
here deprived of exercise, the effect was very visible 
when he again appeared in public after the 18th Bru- 
maire. His health now, therefore, sensibly declined, 
and he exchanged the cares and anxieties of this life 
for the enjoyment of that to come, on the 11th February, 
1803, in the sixty-fifth year of his age. 



173 



BIDNE1 ANECDOTES* 



INFIDEL ENTHUSIASM. 

The propagators of infidelity in France previous to 
the revolution, were so assiduous in spreading it far and 
wide that they annually expended i?900,000 sterling 
in purchasing, printing, and distributing deistical and 
other books, in order to corrupt the minds of the people, 
and prepare them for desperate measures. Knowing 
this fact, we need not wonder at the horrible scenes of 
anarchy, confusion, and cruelty, that afterwards were 
exhibited, by which every human tie and sacred obli- 
gation was dissolved, and their natures seemed changed 
from human to the most brutal. 




INDEX TO PART II. 



Page 

Agrippa, Impiety and Pride of, ... 80 

Alphonsus of Spain, Impious Speech of, - - - 86 

Atheism, a Refuge for the Vicious - - -22 

Atheist, An Impenitent - - - - 9*2 

Atheists, to Professed (Foster) - - - 22 

Bible, the Origin and Preserver of the Learning at present 

in the world - - - - - 86 

Blasphemy Punished - - - - - 26 

Boyle, the Hon. Robert - - - 108 

Bunyan's Life and Experience - - - 53 

Cambyses, Impiety of - - - - 94 

Cardinal Saying - - - - - 97 

Celsus, his Evidence to Christianity - - - 119 

Christian Precept, a, unknown to Philosophers - - 142 

Christianity the most perfect System of Ethics - - 165 

Christianity and Mahometanism Compared - - 6 

Collins, Anthony, a freethinker - - - 155 

, the Poet's Small Library - - -156 

Condorcet, an Unphilosophical Philosopher - - 157 

Consolations of Piety in Impious Times - - 63 

Cottager's Consolation, the - - - - 35 

Conversion by ridicule - - - 91 

Covetous and Impious General - - - 100 

Deism delineated (Gregorys - 126 

Dionysius's Sacrilege - - - 9L> 



INDIA 

Pagr 

DkwiyikM Diderot, his Comiateacy ami Repentance - 160 

Divine Honours, Impious Attempt at - 14. r » 

Barly Impitty, Danger of - - - 24 

Evidences of Christianity (Wilberforce) - - 103 

(Paley) - - - 105 

(Henry) - - - ib. 

(Massillon) - - - ib. 



Folly of Atheism (Darwin) - - - 65 
Franklin, Dr. - - - - 33 
, his Dying Advice - - - 34 

Gibbon, Life of, &c. - - - - - 114 

's Testimony to the Consistent Piety of the Rev. Mr. 

Law ...... 153 

Harpe (J. F. de la), a Penitent . - 168 

Heliogabulus, Impiety of - - -97 

Hobbes, the Philosopher of Malmsbury - - - 70 

, Dr. Wallis's Remarks on - - - 110 

Home's Biographer, his Attempt to prove his Consistency - 166 

Philosophy - - - - 18 

Scepticism - - - - - IS 

Jean Francois de la Harpe, a Penitent Inf del - - 168 

Impiety Checked - - - - - 73 

and Crime Associates - - - ■ 79 

and Rebellion Cruelly Punished - - - 103 

Impious Assumption of Divinity (Domitian) - - 84 

(Caligula) - - 85 

Attempt at Divine Honours (Psaphon) - - 145 

• (Alexander) - - 146 

Bo;i - - - - - 96 

Character Reclaimed by Reading and Good Company 82 

Exhibition ----- o«> 

« Flattrrv - - - 68 



INDEX. 

Page 

Impious Inscription - - 86 

Suicide - - - - - 85 

Vanity of a Physician Ridiculed - - 81 

Inconsistency, Impious - - - - 79 
Infidel Enthusiasm ..... 172 

Infidelity, its Effects, &c. - - - 130 

, Folly of, (Watson's Answer to Paine) - - 51 

Infidel Writers, their Evidence in Favour of Christianity - 3 

Instinctive Piety - - 75 

Intoxication no Legal Excuse for Blasphemy - - 27 

John, king, the Value of his Religion - - - 109 

Jones, Sir William, an Example - - - 147 

Julian the Apostate, his Evidence - - - 143 

his Apostacy and Impiety - - - 29 

Juvenile Impiety ..... 107 

Labadie, an Immoral Enthusiast - - - 150 

Leo the Tenth, his Impiety, &c. - - - 97 

Lyttleton, Lord - - - - -117 

Marmontel's Inconsistency - - - - 20 

Miracles, Credibility of 136 

Nero's Impiety and Suicide ... 96 

Opposition to Conviction - - - .106 

Oppression and Sacrilege ... 93 

Paine's (Thomas) Life, &c. - - - 38 

Writings, Epigram on - - -53 

Pascal and Voltaire - - - . - 122 

Persian's Opinion of the Religious, a - - - 28 
Porphyrius ---... 1^3 

Posthumous Impiety ... 36 

Reformed Cantabrigian - - . - 64 



INDEX. 

P«g<! 

Religion* Sport* Fatal 

Robbing a Statue - - <><> 

Rochester, Ufc of Lord - .7 

Royal Reproof - - - -72 

Sacrilege, a Heathen Temple plundered loo 

Heathen, prevented - - 101 

Sayings of a Dying Man, the (Dr. Johnson) - 31 

Scepticism - - - - 134 

Sonne Jenyns, his Conviction - 163 

Stable, The, preferred to the Altar 101 

Sublimity of the Scriptures - - 5 

Suicide prevented ... - 30 

True Philosophy rejects Atheism 1 HI 

Turkish Impiety - 09 

Uracha, Sacrilege of - - OS 

Value of the Bible - .4 

Vicious Example an Apology - 71 

Voltaire, Mr. Gray's Opinion of 11 

L. Hunt's Remarks on If 

*s Inconsistency - - - 17 

at Fault - - ib. 

Watson's Contrast of Newton and Paim' 72 

Wise Fool's Lecture, a - 28 

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